AIBU to ask brother and sister in law to share a room?

[SarahJenkins50]

Im beginning to wonder if I’m being unreasonable, but when my brother and his wife come to visit they assume they will have separate rooms because they sleep separately at home due to his snoring. We are fortunate enough to have a spare room but not two! We either put the baby in with us, but she doesn’t sleep as well, or have to put a camp bed up in the living room for my brother which is inconvenient then for us in the morning with an early waking baby! I get that they sleep separately at home, but I would never dream of expecting people to put up two rooms for me, hubby and baby when we visit them even though we sleep in a different room to the baby at home. Is it me or are they being a bit too precious to expect us to put up two spare rooms for them (particularly as they now visit a lot more since we have the baby). Thanks all, have a great weekend!

*empathy

I used to be kept awake from the next room by my father's snoring. My mother has spent most of her married life sleeping on a sofa because of it.

As for 'decades ago, people got on with it', my grandparents, who were married in the 1930, spent their entire married lives in separate bedrooms, because decades ago, some men were capable of being considerate of their wives need for sleep.

There is a lot more to a marriage than sharing a bed.

@Aroundnabout1 it’s only because it’s what I will politely call a “snug” living room and the sofa is too short for him and we need to move the coffee table to make room for the camp bed. Otherwise sofa would be absolutely fine and an easy option.

I think moving a coffee table isn't much disruption for the sake of someone getting good night's sleep, as opposed to zero sleep.

My grandmother snored, and she and my grandfather had separate rooms. I once had the misfortune to share a room with her, and alternated between wanting to murder her, and wondering if she’d died when there was a brief pause in the snoring. I got no sleep at all.

Seeingadistance

It looks like you don't want to move the baby out of their room because this would cause sleep problems for the 3 of you, but you're happy to dismiss the sleep problems of your SIL? Seems a little unfair to be honest as she doesn't really have a choice if she wants to actually sleep. To not be willing to give your brother the lounge because 'it's a bit inconvenient' seems a little mean to be honest unless there's another option which allows your guests to sleep. This is SIL being precious any more than your not wanting to move the baby is.

I think the problem with being inflexible and demanding that they book into a hotel is that basically that's expensive and unless they are loaded they won't be able to visit much. Do you want them to come only infrequently?

Couldn't he come without his wife if she won't even sleep in the same room as him ever?

"Branleuse
Couldn't he come without his wife if she won't even sleep in the same room as him ever?".

I would say it's more she can't than won't.

Tell them theres one room they are welcome to at yours and one room available at the local hotel if they won't share. Bloody cheeky twats

Ive been known to sleep with both earplugs AND ear defenders on top as well as a fan on fir white noise on top. You can get quite slim ones and if you position enough pillows, it is easy enough to side sleep.
Unless he has sleep apnoea then there's no reason why he should be snoring that loud that cant even be in the same room.
Anyway, sounds like theres one guest room and they should take it or leave it

Admittedly that wasn't for snoring, that's because any damn noise wakes me up

Unless he has sleep apnoea then there's no reason why he should be snoring that loud that cant even be in the same room.

I'm taking it you've never met a bad snorer then? Not all have sleep apnoea.

My husband snores loudly some nights. I use a herbal sleep medicine (I can’t use ear plugs - I can’t get them in comfortably for some reason and I keep waking in a panic that I’ve slept through my alarm) and I sleep through the night wonderfully with a herbal pill. The herbal ones are not habit-forming.

@73Sunglasslover I think that’s a little unfair, (though I did ask for opinions so appreciate the honesty!) If you look at my posts I’ve never once mentioned suggesting, let alone demanding they go to a hotel, that is other posters who have done so. But on that topic yes they are absolutely loaded and buy two rooms on holiday in 5* hotels. I’m not insensitive to SILs sleeping, I am an incredibly light sleeper and know just how ill lack of sleep can make you. However no of course I don’t want to inflict that on my daughter by moving her out of her room. The problem I think is while I love seeing my brother and SIL they want to visit now once a month, when it used to be once or twice a year at most but don’t seem to realise that is very much moving the goal posts.

If it’s happened before, it would be odd to expect them to share a room next time, and they know you have accommodated it previously. But could you message your brother and explain that if he has your Dd’s room she won’t sleep well, and it’s a hassle moving furniture around in the lounge, which puts that out of bounds in the morning. Ask if it’s possible for him to share the spare room with his wife going forward, and if it’s really not possible, maybe ask them to bring a set of sheets or sleeping bag for the camp bed, otherwise you’re washing 2 sets of sheets for one couple.

Your brother is just going to have to get used to being woken at 6am when you get up with the baby then.

Is SIL shorter? Could she sleep on the sofa?

And you don’t have to agree to all the proposed visits either.

It looks like you don't want to move the baby out of their room because this would cause sleep problems for the 3 of you, but you're happy to dismiss the sleep problems of your SIL? Seems a little unfair to be honest as she doesn't really have a choice

A) she does have a choice - it's sharing with her husband, booking a hotel or not visiting.
B) I care more about the sleep patterns of the child I created than the person my brother married - this is a normal hierarchy of affection I believe? Child always trumps in-laws

I would offer them the spare room, explain that you can't have the living room as a bunk room as you need it to entertain the baby when she wakes early. My DD would wake at 5 for breakfast and then have a sleep about 7-9 so we could sneak some extra sleep if we liked. Babies keep weird hours and are unaware of social niceties

I would explain that dc needs to stay in their own room, but leave the sofa as an option. I would also explain to your brother that you need to get up early with dc and use the lounge. Once you are up at 6am can he have the option of moving to sleep in your dc's room?

No sense in you, your dc and dh having a bad sleep to give sil a good sleep. But if your brother is a hideous snorer, they just won't visit so often if sil can't sleep separately, and it sounds like you enjoy their visits.

What I'm reading into this is 'My SIL's sleep is less important than my baby's/mine/DH's sleep' Fine, I had a baby who couldn't bunk in with me so I wouldn't have been keen to share BUT. The solution is essentially too much effort for you, which if I was your SIL & DB I would be disappointed by. If your DB & SIL want to visit and DB is happy to sleep on a camp bed, in the knowledge he could be woken up early, that's your solution. That it's inconvenient is how you feel about their visits and if you make them feel that way the visits will lessen in frequency and the relationship may cool.

I think as they've moved the goalposts and want to visit more often then you're perfectly entitled to do the same in your own house. Once or twice a year of inconvenience for everybody is very different from once a month.

I wouldn't have moved my DD out of her room so they could have one each. I also wouldn't let them monopolise the rest of the house once a month. Once a month is quite frequent.

I think as they've moved the goalposts and want to visit more often then you're perfectly entitled to do the same in your own house. Once or twice a year of inconvenience for everybody is very different from once a month.

I wouldn't have moved my DD out of her room so they could have one each. I also wouldn't let them monopolise the rest of the house once a month. Once a month is quite frequent.

What I'm reading into this is 'My SIL's sleep is less important than my baby's/mine/DH's sleep' Fine, I had a baby who couldn't bunk in with me so I wouldn't have been keen to share BUT. The solution is essentially too much effort for you, which if I was your SIL & DB I would be disappointed by.

I’d be disappointed if my in-laws wanted me to rearrange my house and disturb my baby when I was being good enough to put them up in the first place.

Just put them in one room, and buy a pack of earplugs from Amazon. Around £5-7. If that doesn't suit them, tell them that you're sorry about that-then don't change your mind.