People who have never experienced being in family court

[SavanahXx]

It really does my head in when people side with social services. They have an opinion that "they are just doing what's best for the child". These people that have the opinion mostly have never even had involvement with SS, therefore don't see the lies and manipulation of a situation that they use.

It's easy for them to say that a parent 'could pose a risk' but do you know how hard it is to prove you wouldn't?

I seen an utterly revolting article that really baffled me. Social workers manage to get away with this stuff daily. Yet its not reported as it should be. This child was removed, with a judges permission. Then placed back with the mother by another judge.
There is so much corruption in our society and it needs to change.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/13/social-worker-criticised-child-taken-away-mother-refused-give/amp/

I think OP kindly set this thread in motion to create an echo chamber for herself, and doesn't like to hear from people who have another opinion. I'm personally very grateful for how social workers work and I've had a great experience with them professionally too. I don't like to see them being used as punching bags because someone can't sort their own cognitive dissonance.

Spero, my family was obviously let down badly, but I knew that anyway. I still don't understand how removal can be used instead of support? Are you saying that all families needing support where there isn't any, are bad enough for removal?

Barbie, why are you on this "echo chamber" thread then?What do you hope to take away from it?

@Savanahxx many, many of us have acknowledged it a problematic, under funded system and that grave miscarriages of justices can and do happen. You are one of the few on this thread who isn’t listening, just repeating your rhetoric. I see other posters, at least, trying to help other families be making changes and using a sensible and educated head. Unlike you who rants about baby snatchers and name called when people didn’t dance to your tune.

I may be wrong but I doubt the vast majority of this thread think you’re lying about your personal experience but you assume some of us are lying about ours? Most people who work for social care, be it for older people, children or those with disabilities have had input from services themselves.

I am all for the system to be better funded, better regulated and to be changed but I can’t see how name calling on a forum and “lmao” is doing anything other than serving your own personal needs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why do social workers get so defensive? Can you not take criticism about the organisation that you work for? Do you not like the truth about your fellow staff, does it make the rest of you look bad?

Who are you talking to? I am not a child protection social worker.

It's you getting on the defensive OP.
Seriously, stop. Groups you have recommended are just boiling pits of hate that do little to change the situation. I spent 10 minutes in one before i realised I couldn't relate to any of it.

Its an incredibly harrowing experience to lose your children to adoption and one of the last taboos. I feel that people need to seek help and deal with the pain otherwise it festers and rots.

Most birth parents prefer to sit in that hate and I don't understand it.

"Spero, my family was obviously let down badly, but I knew that anyway. I still don't understand how removal can be used instead of support? Are you saying that all families needing support where there isn't any, are bad enough for removal?"

Because children didn't ask to be born. And children need to be safe NOW. They can't wait months, years for their parents to accept they have a problem. I appreciate that often support isn't there or it isn't the right support at the right time. But when you have parents who need years of therapy to parent safely, children can't wait.

A big problem is a refusal to face up to the reality of problems around drug use, violence, neglect etc. What cannot be faced cannot be changed. All the 'support' in the world won't help a woman who genuinely does not think she has any need to change.

Social services have to do what they believe is best, this is a balance because they don't want to split families and there's a shortage of foster carers BUT children die at the hands of their parents far too often, afterwards the inquest often says that opportunities were missed to spot it. They are damned if they do, damned if they don't. If we are honest the threshold is probably still too high, kids are left with birth parents that are not able ensure the child reaches its potential due to their shortcomings eg drink and drugs all the time. Social workers make mistakes but it's better to be over cautious than under

Apologies if I’m wrong but has anyone on this thread said they don’t believe the OP because she seems to be raging when (I hope!) we all recognise that miscarriages of justices certainly do happen.

I have no reason to disbelieve Savanahxx and this is the internet, so try to take people at face value. She seems to be assuming we are all thinking she is lying about her own experience. We are discussing the system as a whole and again, I doubt a single human being would say it’s even close to perfect.

When people are saying SS do not lie and that im wrong. I'm obviously about to get defensive. I know what I know.

Schuyler, I see SavanahXx as airing her grievances, as am I and others. Those of us who have been damaged and permanently scarred by the actions of some SW's are absolutely entitled to do that. Anyone who doesn't like it can leave. Carry on SavanahXx I say. I also see SW's who are unable to accept that we have been damaged and resort to insults. I suspect these are possibly the ones who are actually doing the damage?

But you cant say ALL social workers lie to get children removed based on your own experiences? I had a crap GP once, doesnt mean every GP is crap

ethel

Is my summary what you would say happened in your situation?

Spero, yet again you are twisting words. You have confirmed that there is a lack of support and removal is being used instead. Therefore good parents who only need some support must be having lies told about them in order to achieve removal. Like some sort of collateral damage. I believe my family came into this bracket (ds with severe autism)

But no one has said ALL social workers lie. This is what is doing my nut in. Either read properly, or take yourself elsewhere.

Mother's, father's and other family members are entitled to pre warn others about the corrupt social workers. To warn them of the shit storm that they could one day find themselves in. People need to spread awareness and its down to the people who have experienced to do this. If you have a problem. Please leave.

Smile, yes that's right. I can't actually say any more because ds is now living in supported living under care of adult SS, who incidentally have been brilliant with him. No false reports, just doing their jobs properly, helping him.

auntethel I never said OP is entitled to air her grievances. You keep telling people they are free to leave but equally, I am free to post. You have zero idea about me and I only choose to share parts of my life online. You need not pick on me specially, thanks.

I’ve not once said I disagree with Savanah venting or disbelieve her. I don’t know what she wants from this post and she asked if she’s BU. However, she was calling names when people disagreed with her views in a polite way. I appreciate there have been some attacking posts which are not acceptable and I condemn anything like that.

Of course nobody can ever totally understand what another person has been through. Every situation is totally and utterly unique. A person can empathise even if they don’t agree with a person’s viewpoint on every aspect of the situation.

Those families who have experienced SS are more likely to be blinkered to their own actions and biased against the system don't you think?
No not all - I have experienced SS myself and my eldest daughter had several social workers. All overworked and constrained within the limits of the system.
There are many people on this thread who have plenty of experience and involvement but you aren't engaging, you're like a stuck record with 'people not knowing what they're like'. Listen to other people and not just those who align with your position?
I accept that there is much wrong with the system itself, but you do allude to a conspiracy of child snatching which really doesn't exist - there will always be outliers as in any large system.

Savanah, social workers are human. Some are good, some are bad and some are average. Some social workers are abusers themselves. Some are lazy and not very bright. Of course they are. In every profession, there are bad apples. Sadly, the bad apples can do a lot of harm. Do you really think the vast majority of people don’t know that? I’m currently off sick and unsure if I’ll ever work again due to a colossal medical clusterfuck of mistakes that has taken so much from me. Do I hate all doctors? Sometimes. I know it's illogical though.

People get stuff wrong all the time. You do, I do. I make mistakes. I make errors in judgement. Shit happens and we all know that humans get it wrong. Even if social care was done by robots there would be errors.

I am not and never have excuses the bad people or the errors. I’m trying to help you see that while humans do human tasks, things will always go wrong. I’m not sure what can ever be done to rectify that?

Nothing anything says or does can make this better for you or change the past. I’m glad you have your little one with you and I hope you are enjoying the snuggles. I think your baby is quite young still? They grow fast and time flies.

Schuyler, you've lost me there. I wasn't picking on you. You said OP seems to be raging, I said I see that as OP airing her grievances. What's wrong with that?

SavanahXx thanks again for this thread. Goodnight x

I didn’t know by you were replying to me as I tried to be as balanced as possible towards the OP. I may not have got that right. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I didn’t say she was wrong for being raging either. I just felt she was misdirecting it at some people on here who were - civilly - putting across another point of view. Anyway, Savanah seems to have her head screwed on about her own situation and hopefully can advocate for herself. Also, this is AIBU and I think she is BU for being angry at some people on MN for having a different opinion. That’s all.

@auntethel goodnight. I'm off to sleep myself. Full of a cold. It's horrible :( I'm glad i managed to help others speak out about their situations to you x