to be royally miffed and acting a bit like a petulant child....

[MaternityMiffed]

Yes, this is about me (sorry, it's ended up long, I didn't want to leave out any info).

Background:

• I've been in my job since Jan 2018. Small company (7 people).
• They headhunted me from my previous role - I have worked with my line manager before (a few years ago) and think/thought of her as a friend
• The company is based in London
• I was open from the first conversation that I would be moving to my home town (c.2.5 hours away) at some point in the following year, and would need flexibility to work from home
• I negotiated my base salary (again, with the flexibility out in the open) to a level that we both agreed on
• I bought the house in home town after being in the role for only six months (moved in end June) due to perfect house available
• I started working from home 2 days per week as of October 2018.
• I rent a studio apartment from a family friend for the days/nights that I work from the London office
• I am a hard, diligent worker, I don't take the mick when I work from home, I work outside of my contractual hours, including when I am on holiday (habit)

I am now 21 weeks pregnant. I am the first employee at the company to be at this stage of pregnancy / requiring maternity leave. I am due mid December.

I asked to work from home four days per week as of the beginning of September, the reasons being mainly that I didn't want to be away from home at 25+ weeks pregnant, driving 2.5 hours up/down the M1 twice a week, away from partner, friends, family, midwife, hospital for three days / two or three nights - if something goes wrong.

There is another side to this, which is that the costs associated with renting the flat in London amount to around £900 (including rent, travel to/from London, food and tube pass). The business is not offering anything above statutory maternity pay, so being able to put that £900 a month into a savings account would also have been a massive bonus for during my mat leave.

After not replying to me for over a month, they have now said no.

Their reasoning is that this is a London based role, and I am being paid a London salary, and they want me in the office to be part of the team. They've also said that it's not their problem that I decided to move to my home town, and not their problem that I am spending the money on the flat/travel.

I don't think my request was unreasonable, I am asking for a grand total of 22 extra days working from home, I would still travel by train to work from the office once a week.

It also doesn't sound good for post mat leave when I want to come back - no way am I leaving my child in my home town for three days a week to come to work at the office.

I have found out that I can resign, if within 15 weeks of due date, and they still have to pay me the full mat pay. I am so tempted.

AIBU to basically - not verbally - tell them to shove it? ie - come in at 9am, leave at 5pm, not participate in any 'team' activity, withdraw from office chat, etc etc? I know it's childish.

AIBU to be miffed at their response? WABU in the first place to think this was an acceptable suggestion? AIBU to think that a small business, where they apparently are all about the 'team' should show some compassion?

I will fully accept if you all tell me IABU but at the moment I want to throw my toys out the pram, and I know that's not professional at all.

Why did you move 2.5 hours away from what sounds like a good job or, conversely why did you take a job 2.5 hours away from where you wanted to live?

You should have been more prescriptive about the working from home hours you wanted and given them the opportunity to withdraw the offer.

@LadyRannaldini I've lived in London for 13 years, and knew that at some point I'd want to move back to my home town with my partner so we could start a family, be closer to my family (ageing parents etc) and buy a house up there.

It's not the normal WFH hours I have an issue with, really - I've been ok travelling back and forth each week, and appreciate their flexibility for that (although as I said, before we entered the interview process I made them aware I'd want to work from home, full time, at some point) - it's their response to this 'exceptional circumstance'.

Your decision to move is not their problem. The job role is in London which you knew. How do you propose to organise childcare around such a commute? Is train a viable alternative or renting a room for weekdays until you start ml.

The law gives you the right to ask for flexibility, not the right to have it. You'd be hard pressed to make a case, unless you can prove it would not adversely affect the business. However, I'm not sure whether the onus is on them to illustrate how it would damage the business, or on you to illustrate that it wouldnt.

@LIZS I agree with you that my decision to move isn't their problem, however the reason I took the job is that they said they were a flexible employer and I'd be able to work from home. Before the first 'official' conversation I said to my friend / now line manager that I'd be moving to my home town and they needed to accommodate that, and was told that wouldn't be a problem.

To clarify (sorry, I know my post was massive!) - I do currently rent a room in London for the weekdays I work from the office, but I'm not wholly comfortable being that far from home/hosp/midwife for that long at 25+ weeks pregnant. Train would cost the same amount as my rent etc.

Post ML - I haven't thought that far ahead in much detail, aside from knowing that if they won't/can't be flexible, I will leave and find a job in my home town, or set up my own business. I am not wedded to this job - I just am for now, until I go on mat leave.

I know I sound like a princess that wants everything my own way, but I feel I was told everything I wanted to hear during the interview process in order for them to hire me - and now they're reneging on their side of the agreement.

I don’t think many employers would allow this to be honest.

@IAskTooManyQuestions - thank you - that makes sense. I feel I can prove it won't have an adverse affect on business (as I already WFH two days a week, and most of my work is done via phone/Skype/email - it's a sales/partnerships role), but by the same token I reckon they'd come up with reasons why it would (camaraderie, decisions made on the spot in the office, etc).

Would you be willing to negotiate on salary? I mean if you are doing 4 days a week from home maybe suggest a salary reduction so you are not on a 'London' salary.

If not, maybe just start your maternity leave as soon as you can and start planning what to do post-baby.

I think you should resign. It's clear this job won't work for you after your ML.

Why did you take a new job in London when you were planning to move away? Would it not have made more sense to look for a job in your home town?

... if they won't/can't be flexible, I will leave and find a job in my home town, or set up my own business.

I’ve a feeling that your current employer will be perfectly happy with this as a solution and, with the wisdom of hindsight, it is probably what you should have done originally.

Yabu. Sounds like they compromised to accommodate you under the initial circumstances and you've now moved the goal posts. You wouldnt be part of the team being away 4 days a week but also if they concede to your request they will have to go rider other similar requests from other staff. That could have a massive impact on the business.

The difficulties of commuting whilst pregnant are your problem not the company's and should have been factored in to your decision to move if you were planning a pregnancy.

Posted to soon, you would be very unreasonable to just had your notice in at the point you don't have to pay back maternity and land them in it. Very selfish...

I dont think most companies would be on with working from home 4 days out of 5.

They agreed your flexible working. Now you more flexibility.

They agrees when you started to some flexibility. They fulfilled that.

I have found out that I can resign, if within 15 weeks of due date, and they still have to pay me the full mat pay. I am so tempted.

You say they dont pay anything above SMP. Which comes from the government anyway. THEY wont be paying for anything.

If you leave you just apply for SMP. Its not really getting back at them life you envisage

not a lot of advice I can give , I can see you feel they misled you in saying they were flexible, I can see their point they have been flexible ,and just because your pregnant ( with a fair bit to go and no medical issues ) the whole role and dynamic of office cant change- but maybe you could go back see if you could compromise with one extra day a week at home, point out its only 11 extra working from home days, again if you can agree this it should make a good basis for further discussions later.

YABU

They’ve agreed to a flexible arrangement. You now want more flexibility than they previously agreed and more than they are happy to provide.

You chose to take the London job and then chose to move 2.5 hours away. Your commute really isn’t their concern. They’re not unreasonable to want you to stick to the agreement you made with them about time in the office/Tim wfh. If that no longer suits your circumstances then it’s time to look for a job closer to where you live.

Not many places would allow you that degree of flexibility on London wages. Are you also getting London waiting allowance? Incidentally- my employer does allow me that flexibility and more - but we are a billion pound multi national so they can afford it. Sounds like you need to leave as you already resent them for saying no to you - the business relationship won’t work anymore because of this. Good luck.

YABU

25 weeks is nothing - you'll have nearly 4 months to go. And you'll be in London, not the back of beyond, so in the unlikely event you need medical help you have access to it.

Working 2 days from home is already flexibility on their part. Asking them to consider 4 days a week from home in your final few weeks because the travel exhausts you would be a reasonable request. Wanting to pop into the office only once a week all autumn sounds extremely unreasonable to me.

I mean this with empathy - I was the same - but a first pregnancy can give you a peculiarly skewed view, like you invented being pregnant and no pregnancy in history was as significant as this one. That is of course true to you. I swear I obsessed about dates and measurements and every tiny detail first time around. Everything revolved around my pregnancy. (By number 3 I was sick to death of it and blasé about risks.)

You aren't ill. You aren't "special". You don't deserve things no one else in the company gets. You're just pregnant. Tone down what you think you deserve and you'll find pregnancy a lot easier.

You need to commit to your decision to move home for family support. That means giving up London money.

However I do have a friend who is currently booked with 2 hospitals although she has maternity care at 1. She needed the other hospital to be aware of her situation in caee and have bloods on record etc.

I was offered full WFH when heavily pregnant due to long commute etc but wouldn't have asked for it.

But I agree with others that it doesn't sound like it is going to work out for you long term after your mat leave

YABU

You want to change the terms of work that you originally went to great pains to agree with them. You sound like a CF and I think they will breathe a sigh of relief if you leave.