to be royally miffed and acting a bit like a petulant child....

[MaternityMiffed]

Yes, this is about me (sorry, it's ended up long, I didn't want to leave out any info).

Background:

• I've been in my job since Jan 2018. Small company (7 people).
• They headhunted me from my previous role - I have worked with my line manager before (a few years ago) and think/thought of her as a friend
• The company is based in London
• I was open from the first conversation that I would be moving to my home town (c.2.5 hours away) at some point in the following year, and would need flexibility to work from home
• I negotiated my base salary (again, with the flexibility out in the open) to a level that we both agreed on
• I bought the house in home town after being in the role for only six months (moved in end June) due to perfect house available
• I started working from home 2 days per week as of October 2018.
• I rent a studio apartment from a family friend for the days/nights that I work from the London office
• I am a hard, diligent worker, I don't take the mick when I work from home, I work outside of my contractual hours, including when I am on holiday (habit)

I am now 21 weeks pregnant. I am the first employee at the company to be at this stage of pregnancy / requiring maternity leave. I am due mid December.

I asked to work from home four days per week as of the beginning of September, the reasons being mainly that I didn't want to be away from home at 25+ weeks pregnant, driving 2.5 hours up/down the M1 twice a week, away from partner, friends, family, midwife, hospital for three days / two or three nights - if something goes wrong.

There is another side to this, which is that the costs associated with renting the flat in London amount to around £900 (including rent, travel to/from London, food and tube pass). The business is not offering anything above statutory maternity pay, so being able to put that £900 a month into a savings account would also have been a massive bonus for during my mat leave.

After not replying to me for over a month, they have now said no.

Their reasoning is that this is a London based role, and I am being paid a London salary, and they want me in the office to be part of the team. They've also said that it's not their problem that I decided to move to my home town, and not their problem that I am spending the money on the flat/travel.

I don't think my request was unreasonable, I am asking for a grand total of 22 extra days working from home, I would still travel by train to work from the office once a week.

It also doesn't sound good for post mat leave when I want to come back - no way am I leaving my child in my home town for three days a week to come to work at the office.

I have found out that I can resign, if within 15 weeks of due date, and they still have to pay me the full mat pay. I am so tempted.

AIBU to basically - not verbally - tell them to shove it? ie - come in at 9am, leave at 5pm, not participate in any 'team' activity, withdraw from office chat, etc etc? I know it's childish.

AIBU to be miffed at their response? WABU in the first place to think this was an acceptable suggestion? AIBU to think that a small business, where they apparently are all about the 'team' should show some compassion?

I will fully accept if you all tell me IABU but at the moment I want to throw my toys out the pram, and I know that's not professional at all.

Aw, OP, you're most welcome.

I was worried it would come across badly, but I could honestly see myself in you - I totally lost perspective, and was practically the goddess who invented fertility when it came to the focus on my pregnacy.
It was an online community internationally that brought me down to earth with a bump. A cluster of American women were agonising over a glass of champagne at a wedding. A French woman responded "Why are you being so stupid? You're not sick, you're pregnant. Get on with living instead of obsessing about something every female animal in the world can do."
(disclaimer - yes, I know some can't, but I'm quoting here.)
The sheer outrage from her remark made me laugh at myself, and really helped me have a much better sense of perspective.

Hope your pregnancy goes swimmingly, and enjoy your winter baby!

I would resign, Jon hun in your area. This is not going to end well if you stay

*job hunt !!

I actually think YANBU given all the background to how you were recruited. I think they told you what you wanted to hear to get you signed up and now you're going on mat leave they're not going to live up to it.

I'd resign if I were you and get a job in your home town once mat leave is up.

Lovely to see someone asking for advice and actually listening to it for a change.

You sound like a nightmare. You chose to take a job 2.5 hours away. Feel free to get a job closer to home.

I think YABU as well but you’ve taken it on board!

Just to let you know, they do have hospitals in London

How reasonable you are depends on the role. I've done roles where I have turned up at the office 3 days a month in a different city while others expected me on site 100%.

Anyway the worse of the hot weather has passed so I would see if you could work as long as you can until you need to go on ML. While you may find this commute and staying away hard when you have a baby you will miss the freedom to be able to do so. I suggest after work you enjoy doing as much as you can in London as you won't get this chance again.

In regards to the job resign when you need to go on ML as then the gap on your CV will be smaller. They will just have to recruit someone else like if you gave 4 weeks notice.

U made your intentions clear from the start so you are NOT being unreasonable! If you are performing to a good level and getting work/sales done I would as a small company be happy wherever u were working from as long as it was getting done!

U made your intentions clear from the start so you are NOT being unreasonable!
Yes. They said they planned to move 2.5 hours away and wanted flexible working.

The company did that.

Or are the company unreasonable for giving what's wanted on demand?

The OP has graciously accepted the advice

Tbh, the couldn't have predicted that you would get pregnant and then want to work from home 4 days instead of 2. You say it is just 22 days over the course of maternity leave, but it isn't as you then say that you wouldn't want to leave your baby behind three days per week. Which isn't unreasonable, but the onus is on you not the company. Your decision was very short sighted, and you can't expect a London weighted salary and not be there.

I can see both sides. Ultimately if the company feels the culture works better with people in the office, it is what it is. Chalk it up to experience, go on mat leave a bit early - say 35w - and you don't have to go back.

If you hand your notice in at the end of your maternity leave, they will have to pay your accrued holiday for the time you've been off.

Just out of the box thinking- you are paying £900 to rent a room etc.

Would it not be cheaper to block book a hotel room with breakfast for less? I used to frequently work in London and premier inn’s etc, for £180 for 4 nights mon-fri, as I would get reduced rate as it was a guaranteed booking once a month. We then extended it to 2, then 3, then 4 weeks/monthly. But it would be 1 booking for the company name, I would do 1 week, another colleague would stay the next week and so on. Could be a lot cheaper for you!!

Senior HR person here. We are as flexible as can be and yet I wouldn't agree to your proposal.

I think that's really short sighted and will potentially lose you talent. My company has loads of home based employees very successfully, and my own team is global and virtually never in the same place. We manage to work as a team despite being in multiple locations across the US, APAC and EMEA regions and the idea that someone couldn't successfully achieve that in the same country and time zone is ludicrous.

Sorry op but wfh 4 days per week would be considered an excessive request in most roles and they're not unreasonable to decline. It sounds like they've already been pretty flexible with you

I think that's really short sighted and will potentially lose you talent
Do you have some sort of special power to assess what is best and works for every other company based on what works in yours?

If the company don't want to have someone in a London post wanting to work from home 2 and a half hours away then they don't have to. It's not for any of us to tell them what is best for their company when we have zero information.

Good response OP, well done. It is really hard when you've never been pregnant before to know how you'll be feeling and of course it's different for everyone but I felt a lot better in the third trimester of my pregnancy than at any other time and would have been comfortable travelling up until about 35 weeks. Hopefully you'll sail through.

It's not for any of us to tell them what is best for their company when we have zero information.

No but you said you wouldn't allow it and you have no information either. The OP thinks it's feasible. Presumably she should know. Many companies refuse to consider flexible working for inadequate reasons.

Can you go self employed with them?

No but you said you wouldn't allow it and you have no information either.
No I didn't. That was a different poster.

The OP thinks it's feasible. Presumably she should know. Many companies refuse to consider flexible working for inadequate reasons.
She thinks it's feasible. Her small company clearly want a London team in a London office.
The company isn't refusing flexible working. They've already offered flexible working, just not on the OP's changing terms.

Haven't had time to read all, but you have the right to make a statutory request and they have 30 days to give a specific limited number of reasons for saying no...

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/rights-at-work/flexible-working/flexible-working-what-is-it/

X

It sounds to me like you'd like the moon on a stick and expect your employers to give you it, the job doesn't work for you any more (and certainly won't after baby comes along) so time for something new I would say xxx

not read all the replies.

I can kinda understand how this scenario occurs. Technically my job is in London but I 100% work from home in Scotland (with frequent trips).

Re pregnancy - sounds like your employer is not au fait with legalities so make sure you are up to date. They do have to make necessary modifications to your role whilst pregnant (AFAIK) - for me, this was no flying/travel after 30wks. Similarly, I would expect that travel would be difficult for you and they need to accommodate this. 25wks may be too early though - although each pregnancy is different.
Also note you don't have to be a parent to make a flexible working request but I think you have already tested the waters on that one and know where they stand.
Ultimately though I don't think this job is tenable for you long term/post birth.
If you're only going to get stat pay then I wouldn't be beholden to them....consider your options!

I think they’ve been flexible in agreeing your original request to work from home, the goal posts moved when you became pregnant. Presumably you knew you worked 2.5 hours away and would need to travel for work while pregnant - what contingencies did you put in place aside from expecting your employer to flex your workplace again? It’s a bit cheeky to have a London weighed role while pretty much refusing to work in London.

I think you’ve tried to get it all your own way and are now pissed off because they are holding you to your contract. Your boss being a friend is neither here nor there - she needs to treat you equally and I’m guessing no one else effectively works from home full time? I’m also guessing that if they did agree 4 days from home, you’d simply use annual leave for the 5th day thereby not being in London at all, despite that being where your job is based.