To ask if you would be upset if your DP done this?

[Goodbyes1]

My DP and I have been together for nearly 2 years, we don’t live together yet but live 10 mins walking distance from each other. He’s going abroad to a friends wedding, he had to be in the airport in the early hours of the morning today, and just texted me that he’s landed before flying again to his destination in a few hours.

I saw him on Tuesday, he said he’d come round on Wednesday to say goodbye. He didn’t, he spent all Wednesday with a friend who’s also going to the wedding. Eating steak, and shopping posting pics on Facebook. I was sad that he won’t spend this last day with me, but I accepted it. But I expected to at least text me “ Hey, I’m on the way to the airport now. Will text you when I’ve landed” or something like that.

AIBU to be upset that he didn’t say goodbye in person, or at least text before heading to the airport? I read a thread while ago on here, the title of the thread was “ How did you know he was a keeper”, and a few post stuck out to me which was “ He drove miles to just see me for 5 mins..” or “ he went out in the rain trying to get a signal, so he could text me goodnight”. I just feel so sad knowing that these men went out of their way to speak/see their partners, but my partner can’t even say goodbye before leaving the country for 10 days.

He’s lovely in other ways, but I’m tired of the constant arguments . We make up, and then week or two later something happens, and we’re back to arguing again. We made up a week before today, and now we’re back to being upset again. It’s so draining, and frustrating. He said he wants to FaceTime whilst he’s there, but I don’t really want to see or speak to him now. I feel like this is the last straw that broke the camels back. I don’t want to bring it up now, because I don’t really want to ruin his trip. But AIBU to just ignore him until he gets back? I know he’s going to use every excuse he can, he was busy/ caught up etc. But surely you have time to a quick text whilst sitting in the cab on the way to the airport?

I suppose it shows that he's not really thinking of you during the time he's travelling.

With all the arguments etc it sounds like maybe you're just not happy in the relationship generally? Things shouldn't be draining.

You don’t sound compatible. The way you describe what you want from a relationship v what you’re getting from your boyfriend seem at odds.

This would upset me a little too.
Although he maybe didn't want to text early incase he woke you. Possibly clutching at straws there.
I think cooling it while he's away is maybe a good idea but not to the point of being childish.
Only you know your situation fully, no one on here can tell you what to do.
I guess you need to decide if you are happy with your relationship overall then make your move from there.

The constant arguments and drama of falling out and making up would upset me more than him not saying goodbye. Relationships aren’t meant to be like this, whatever the movies tell you about love being dramatic and high-octane. You aren’t right for each other.

You aren’t wrong to be upset about the lack of communication - although to some degree, nowadays we have text and email and can get in touch from Timbuktu if we want to, so airport goodbyes mean much less. But if you’ve told him before hat it bothers you and he clearly isn’t listening to you then it’s just another indication that this isn’t a great relationship.

Doesn't sound like he's that bothered about you

I think you have different expectations and are clashing because of that.

My advice to him would be to end your relationship, if you ignore him. That's abusive behaviour and who needs that shit?

You should ask him why he didn't text you and then leave him to enjoy himself.

I think expecting him to drop his friend, when they are caught up in the excitement if going was too much of an ask.

But you should have expected a goodbye phone call.

You need to get out the cycle of arguments and communicate properly.

but I’m tired of the constant arguments

It doesn’t sound like he’s the one.

Maybe the regular arguments are wearing you both down.

Did he take a plus one with him? Did he invite you?

just texted me that he’s landed

But that wasn't enough 🙄

We made up a week before today, and now we’re back to being upset again.

we're back to being upset, or you're back to being upset? You sound like hard work.

It sounds like you’re expecting too much. Saying you wanted him to spend the last day with you. He’s not dying!

What do you normally argue about. I think that will be quite telling.

Regular arguments are no good. That’s not a sign of a compatible or mutually beneficial relationship in itself. The not seeing you or texting before leaving, I don’t think is that shocking two years in, when you don’t live together. My DH definitely did all of the grand gesture stuff you’re talking about, driving through the night to see me for a v short amount of time, lots of rain and bad weather and all-out effort! All very romantic, but two years down the line - not so much. We’d definitely settled by then, and grand gestures became helping each other when unwell, using our various jobs or professional skills to sort out issues for one another, making sure someone was making or bringing dinner. Just boring normal life really, with the odd date night and holiday thrown in. The champagne and roses definitely died down after about a year. Now the champagne gets chucked in the weekly shop if we’re celebrating, and nobody buys roses because I plucked up the courage to tell my now DH that actually I didn’t like them.

I think YABU expecting a relationship full of arguments to meet your needs. Clean break or lower your expectations, I think the latter is unacceptable really.

A relationship which is basically just constant arguments sounds really draining. Good relationships should make you happy, not argumentative. What are his good points?

weekly argueing before you even live together is not a good sign.

take this time to evaluate what you really want from a relationship and if this relationship honestly gives you that.

I read a thread while ago on here, the title of the thread was “ How did you know he was a keeper”, and a few post stuck out to me which was “ He drove miles to just see me for 5 mins..” or “ he went out in the rain trying to get a signal, so he could text me goodnight”.
Well I call bullshit on these examples and I honestly wouldn't judge the state of my relationship on them. Having said that I do think it was pretty shitty of your bf to not see or speak to you before his trip.

I don’t think Id want a call in the early hours to say ‘I’m on way to airport’.
I’ll assume he’s only away a few days he’s not emigrating.
Him not popping round was rude, you sound clingy, get yourself busy and tbh the constant bickering just end it.

You mention that "we're back to being upset" but is that the case? Is he upset, or is it just you that is? Does he actually know there's anything wrong? I mean, he did text to say he'd landed and he has said he'd face time you, which doesn't sound like he's just disappeared with no contact...

He did text you. But he didn't do the goodbyes you wanted. I think that and your constant arguments show incompatibilty.
You cannot change each other to what you want. Perhaps time to go looking for someone who fits your expectations more.

It sounds like your expectations of the relationship, and his expectations don’t match up.

I’d be upset about the lack of thought, especially as these days it takes no time at all to contact someone, however I’m sure you could have prompted him and reminded him he was meant to be coming to see you the night before he left?
Some people get caught up having fun that they forget their other plans, it doesn’t mean you don’t mean much to him.

Either way I think when he’s back (don’t start ignoring him whilst he’s away, that’s childish) sit down and explain what you need from him in future, and if he doesn’t want to give that to you, then you need to find someone who is more similar to you.

He's gone to a wedding, not to war, why do you need a face to face goodbye? He'll be back in a week. He text you when he landed and has said he'll face time. I have less contact with my husband than that when I'm working away and we've been together a decade.

If he is there on there in the early hours to be fair I probably wouldn't have texted either. Many wouldn't,

I'm not getting the whole last day thing. He's only off to a wedding. It's not like he's emigrating for good.

You clearly need a lot of communication, and can be quite needy, he is less so, as such you're not compatible. Neither of you should have to change for the other.

I can’t believe someone wrote this is abusive behaviour

He is going on a trip with his friend, he was excited (who knows, they may have been late and rushing), a lot of men don’t like texting, you’re not in the honeymoon stage... I think you’re really overthinking it. He’s going away for 10 days, not months, or as pp said, he’s not dying! He texted you when you landed too. Did you tell him you expected a text before the flight too?

Also are you arguing a lot because you're very needy? If you are this guy isn't looking for that kind of relationship so either accept that you need to let go a little or that you need to date a different type of person

@sweetnorthernrose - I doubt they’re all bullshit.
My now husband drove from Devon to Liverpool at 11pm to get me and take me back to his house after an awful night. That doesn’t make him perfect overall, but it certainly showed me how much I meant to him.

Oh sorry, I read the comment wrong... it’d be abusive behaviour to ignore him. Apologises.

How long is he away for, months? You sound very clingy, maybe that's putting him off a more permanent relationship. Personally I would kill anyone who texted me in the early hours to say they were off on a trip I knoew all about!