To ask if you would be upset if your DP done this?

[Goodbyes1]

My DP and I have been together for nearly 2 years, we don’t live together yet but live 10 mins walking distance from each other. He’s going abroad to a friends wedding, he had to be in the airport in the early hours of the morning today, and just texted me that he’s landed before flying again to his destination in a few hours.

I saw him on Tuesday, he said he’d come round on Wednesday to say goodbye. He didn’t, he spent all Wednesday with a friend who’s also going to the wedding. Eating steak, and shopping posting pics on Facebook. I was sad that he won’t spend this last day with me, but I accepted it. But I expected to at least text me “ Hey, I’m on the way to the airport now. Will text you when I’ve landed” or something like that.

AIBU to be upset that he didn’t say goodbye in person, or at least text before heading to the airport? I read a thread while ago on here, the title of the thread was “ How did you know he was a keeper”, and a few post stuck out to me which was “ He drove miles to just see me for 5 mins..” or “ he went out in the rain trying to get a signal, so he could text me goodnight”. I just feel so sad knowing that these men went out of their way to speak/see their partners, but my partner can’t even say goodbye before leaving the country for 10 days.

He’s lovely in other ways, but I’m tired of the constant arguments . We make up, and then week or two later something happens, and we’re back to arguing again. We made up a week before today, and now we’re back to being upset again. It’s so draining, and frustrating. He said he wants to FaceTime whilst he’s there, but I don’t really want to see or speak to him now. I feel like this is the last straw that broke the camels back. I don’t want to bring it up now, because I don’t really want to ruin his trip. But AIBU to just ignore him until he gets back? I know he’s going to use every excuse he can, he was busy/ caught up etc. But surely you have time to a quick text whilst sitting in the cab on the way to the airport?

@SweetNorthernRose - He is great, one of the reasons I married him.
Ahh I must have been in my sleep deprived state and missed that example, apologies, yes that bit does indeed sound like bollocks! What a fool you’d look doing that, plus surely electrical + rain aren’t a wonderful combo?

With the update OP (bit of a snide drip feed btw if he has form for this) it sounds like Wednesday was just a long line of let downs, and as you have told him in the past I’m sure he won’t be surprised you’re upset.
I’d just tell him, it doesn’t sound like he’d let it ruin his trip, as he doesn’t really seem to care.

How long is he going for? If it's a couple of days he might not have felt it was necessary to say a goodbye in person as he won't be gone long

@SolsticeBabyMaybe he's gone for 10 days.

Ok so your update should have been your OP. Totally different perspective. I wouldn’t expect ANY human in my life to stand me up. Literally ever. Maybe a massive disaster and one off. Closest I’ve ever come to someone doing that was an old friend texting me from A&E. You don’t just not turn up! It’s the height of rudeness, the absolute limit really. So for him constantly standing you up and breaking plans, YANBU.

I've changed my mind. What you've said in your update would infuriate me and I could not be in a relationship with this. Your original post was a non-issue but regularly cancelling plans without telling you and just not showing up is really not on. Dump him now OP. You deserve better.

If you don't respond at all what do you think he will do?
Do you honestly believe, based on his past behaviour, it will ruin his trip?
Spend the next 10 days on you. Do what you want, when you want and stop :being "on call" both now and later.
When he gets back, wait for him to show up. Don't chase him, just see how long it takes him to realise you are not chasing him.
He needs to decide where his priorities lie. You deserve to be treated with respect and consideration. If he persistently demonstrates neither, there's your answer.

The arguments are an issue.

But to me the contact isn’t, everyone is just different.

An ex of mine (who is now my closest friend) didn’t contact a lot when/before he went away, which was very very regularly and if I went away he wouldn’t meet me at the airport if I went away. When I went away I would always call/go and see him before he left, when he arrived home I picked him up from the airport every time.

He didn’t love me less than I loved him, we just had different ways of showing how we cared etc.

He said he'd come and see you. He didn't and he didn't even text to say he wouldn't. I wouldn't be happy with that behaviour from a friend or colleague, never mind a partner. He knows you hate it and he still does it. Because he doesn't actually care enough to do it.

Just dump him and find someone with basic manners.

I just wouldn’t say anything , just keep radio silence and see what happens when he gets back , personally I wouldn’t be putting up with someone keep standing me up especially after they’d been told the first time it happened . It does appear that in the great scheme of his life you are quite low down on his list .

Send this:

"DP I've had enough of coming last on your list of priorities and I'm tired of having to explain why. I won't be stood up again by someone who doesn't even care enough to tell me. I'm moving on."

Then sign up to some online dating sites and have some fun. This is dead in the water.

I'd just say 'I'm still really hurt by the fact that you didn't bother to turn up on Wednesday. I don't feel you value my time at all. When you get back, we need a serious conversation about the future of this relationship as it seems clear to me that we want different things and this isn't working for me'

Sounds like he is not a keeper.

Just now , enjoy your time apart .

OP-I am sorry I appreciate that this is horrible but he is just nor that interested. Dump him now and cut your losses. You deserve better-he doesn't!