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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let dd16 go to Brighton for 3 days?

79 replies

Spaghettionaspoon · 01/08/2019 07:18

Dd16 has just asked if she could go to Brighton with 2 other friends for a few days, staying in a cheap hotel that she’d be paying for. I’m just not sure as with no adult with them they could be getting up to all sorts and are likely to be getting to their hotel rooms in the morning rather than night. I also know that Brighton is quite lively with hens and stags and so would the environment be suitable for 3 unsupervised teenagers. Just feel that she deserves time to let her hair down and know that she would have lots of fun after studying really hard for her exams so what do I do?

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 01/08/2019 07:20

Depends how sensible she is, and the friends. Do you think they’re likely to be put all hours, drinking etc?

MyOtherProfile · 01/08/2019 07:21

Will they get a hotel room without an adult at 16? Genuine question.

growlingbear · 01/08/2019 07:22

Hmm. I'd be inclined to encourage her to go somewhere but not Brighton. Lots of drunks and druggies around. It's a bit lairy for three young girls alone.

TheSheepofWallSt · 01/08/2019 07:24

I used to go clubbing in Brighton at 16... usually with my much older boyfriend. I generally got the megabus down from Leeds on a Friday after school, and rolled back home on Sunday at midnight.

With my own experiences in mind?
I’d say absolutely fucking not.

It was 15 years ago, and maybe things have changed, but Brighton was in my experience a very hedonistic scene with not much interest in ID checking etc - and at 16, in hindsight, being ploughed with champagne and coke (not Coca Cola) in the VIP lounge of the funky Buddha by much older men, was NOT okay.

Original poster
Spaghettionaspoon · 01/08/2019 07:25

bigsandyballs I think she is sensible and her friends are lovely but she’s not going to show that side of herself (if it exists) to her mum so cannot say I’m sure she wouldn’t.

myotherprofile yep they’ve found a few options

OP posts:
Enterthewolves · 01/08/2019 07:25

I live in Brighton & Hove & my initial response is absolutely not! I’d need a lot of questions answered before i’d even think of shifting from that position; Which hotel? (Lots of cheap hotels are very dodgy.) Where will they be going in the evening? What are their plans? Will she call in at agreed times? Etc etc

snitzelvoncrumb · 01/08/2019 07:26

Could you go with them and stay in an adjoining room? They can have freedom, with a few rules and supervision.

dimsum123 · 01/08/2019 07:26

I'd say no. Not if no adult nearby to keep a discreet eye.

My DD wanted to go to Kent on a similar trip, I said no and she was actually fine about it even though her friends still went. It showed me she herself was unsure about going as otherwise we would have had a meltdown once I'd said no.

user1474894224 · 01/08/2019 07:27

You take me back to my mum saying no to a similar request at the same age. Tbh....we would have got up to nothing worse than we did at home. I would imagine these days it's harder to drink and get into clubs under age as there is more checks on ID....but I may be quite naive about that....

froggers1 · 01/08/2019 07:28

God no way. I grew up in Brighton and was out clubbing at that age. BUT I knew the City and my parents were handy if I needed a lift etc. Its very lively at night and easy to get carried away.

Original poster
Spaghettionaspoon · 01/08/2019 07:29

user1474894224 that’s what I also think which is increasing my chances of saying yes as I think even if they plan to spend their nights clubbing they won’t be able to as Id checks are so tight nowadays (I think? Smile)

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 01/08/2019 07:30

What are they planning to do?

RosaLappen · 01/08/2019 07:30

My dd did exactly that this summer. They explored during the day but were back in their hotel room by 9, which I knew they would be. If I had had any suspicion that they'd do anything more risky I would have said no. As it was it all went fine.

PookieDo · 01/08/2019 07:30

Probably not no but that’s my own DC (similar age)

kmammamalto · 01/08/2019 07:32

I went to Newquay for a weekend at that age with a load of friends. We did drink but also beached and surfed and generally had an amazing time. I live in Brighton now and it's really not that rough, MN always always says hen and stag and druggies but it's so much more than that. We moved here from London so I think it's quaint! 😂
I would let her. Put in boundaries like regular updates etc. Also if it's this weekend it's Pride down here so mad busy and prob nothing available to book to stay.
Maybe help her find a hotel too, some can be rough like everywhere!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 01/08/2019 07:33

One of mine stayed in the youth hostel near the pier with friends at 16/17, they had a fab time, cinema, meals, crazy golf ... made new friends in the hostel. Her sister and her mates are a totally different type, (lovely girls don’t get me wrong 😊) but I’d have been very concerned if they had wanted to do similar at that age .... there’s always somewhere you can get booze underage, some little shops and pubs aren’t bothered about ID, or there’s older blokes more than willing to plie young teens with booze.

Chimpd0g · 01/08/2019 07:35

I'm in Brighton and would say no way. Weekends are so busy here, and jam packed with stag and hen dos in the town centre. As she doesn't know the town very well (I assume?), I would imagine she would end up in the same places as all the shit faced visitors.

I would either suggest they go somewhere quieter (but would still feel uneasybif it was my DD to be honest) or go with them so that you're close by. How do the other parents feel?

Loopytiles · 01/08/2019 07:37

They will be lying about their age to book accommodation and will be heading to late bars and clubs.

Loopytiles · 01/08/2019 07:37

Doubt everywhere has rock solid ID checks.

PianoTuner567 · 01/08/2019 07:40

Does she go out clubbing and drinking etc. where you live? That makes a difference in my mind.
Also, could you find them a slightly nicer hotel and pay the difference? Just so they’re not in a total dump.

Bezalelle · 01/08/2019 07:40

Not on my watch!

Bluntness100 · 01/08/2019 07:40

No, no way, at 16 they won't know their limits on alcohol and there is a chance they could get themselves into serious trouble, especially health wise, I would not permit this at 16.

VanCleefArpels · 01/08/2019 07:42

Many many 16 year olds go to festivals in the summer after GCSE - particularly Reading and Boardmasters. Can’t see how this is any different (except for more comfy beds!).

LemonRedwood · 01/08/2019 07:43

Does she want to go this weekend? It's Brighton Pride this weekend. It will be even busier than usual.

RosaLappen · 01/08/2019 07:44

My dd went Monday to Friday.
I had her phone on Find my Friends

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