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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let dd16 go to Brighton for 3 days?

79 replies

Spaghettionaspoon · 01/08/2019 07:18

Dd16 has just asked if she could go to Brighton with 2 other friends for a few days, staying in a cheap hotel that she’d be paying for. I’m just not sure as with no adult with them they could be getting up to all sorts and are likely to be getting to their hotel rooms in the morning rather than night. I also know that Brighton is quite lively with hens and stags and so would the environment be suitable for 3 unsupervised teenagers. Just feel that she deserves time to let her hair down and know that she would have lots of fun after studying really hard for her exams so what do I do?

OP posts:
PianoTuner567 · 01/08/2019 11:28

OP I had the same view of festivals vs towns, at least there’s security and a first aid tent etc. I know it’s awash with drugs and booze but there are people around if it all goes tits up.

Understandable feeling though not actually logical if you think about it. There are plenty of people about in towns like Brighton and police/paramedics are only a phone call away. Calling 999 for an ambulance would be quicker than finding a first aid tent, I’d wager.

Original poster
Spaghettionaspoon · 01/08/2019 13:13

I’ll definitely be biting my nails the whole reading weekend but felt as though it was almost impossible to say no to that as it’s basically a rite of passage here whereas Brighton seems avoidable although I’m swaying towards saying yes

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 01/08/2019 13:15

Why is going to Brighton any different to festivals, whioch most of Y11 seem to go to.

Yogagirl123 · 01/08/2019 13:16

Knowing Brighton as well as I do, I would say no.

Ragwort · 01/08/2019 13:19

I can’t believe you are letting her go to Reading at 16 Shock. Seriously, are U18s even allowed there without a ‘responsible’ adult? Why is it impossible to say ‘no’. I said ‘no’ to my teenage DS and so did most of the other parents in his friendship group. None of them went in the end.

I went to Brighton at 18 & had a pretty wild time (many years ago!).

CitadelsofScience · 01/08/2019 13:20

I'd say no, I grew up near there and spent every night possible clubbing at 16.

I had my parents on hand if things went wrong.

Parts of Brighton can be quite sleazy.

PestoCaffeinisto · 01/08/2019 13:23

I live here too, and wouldn’t

bluebellation · 01/08/2019 13:24

I think it depends on your daughter and her friends and how sensible they are. Both my DDs had post GCSE holidays with friends and yes, they did drink and let their hair down a bit but no more than they would have done at home .

Having said that, I know Brighton, and it's maybe not the best choice; could you perhaps steer them somewhere a bit quieter? (I know this might be exactly why they've chosen Brighton but there may be an acceptable alternative)

bluebellation · 01/08/2019 13:26

... they also went to Reading and other festivals and had a great time, but with big groups of friends, boys and girls, who looked out for each other.

Kitty1184 · 01/08/2019 13:30

Any reputable hotel will not let 16 year old kids stay without an adult present.

Any hotel that does shouldn't get your business.

I'm a police officer and do a lot of work with local hotels to help them spot and report CSE.

growlingbear · 01/08/2019 15:44

I can’t believe you are letting her go to Reading at 16

I've never understood this one either. How come Reading lets in hoardes and hoardes of 16 yr olds after GCSEs? Everyone we know seems to let their DC go. My DC didn't want to and I was relieved. I can just imagine what sort of unsavoury characters targets crowds of 16 year olds desperate to look cool at a festival.

PragmaticRomantic · 01/08/2019 16:08

I've nc'd for this as I've lived in Brighton for years and I think this is a seriously bad idea.

If they don't know the place well they'll almost certainly head to the obvious central commercial clubs and bars which are like Ayia Napa during summer weekends.

If they are the type to dress up in Boohoo/Misguided type clothes on a night out I would bet money they'll end up with three men back in their room, probably a decade or so older than them too. Just don't do it!

Reading Festival is different as it's THE festival that all the teenagers go to to celebrate the end of their GCSEs and A-Levels, so security and health and safety aspects cater for this accordingly.

needanappp · 01/08/2019 16:24

I used to live in Brighton and no I wouldn't. Especially not on Pride weekend. I cannot express how busy every inch of the town is on that weekend, you can barely move.

icelollycraving · 01/08/2019 16:30

I always book Pride off. It’s hellish travelling in and worse getting out. I’m pretty relaxed but I find some of it not so family friendly let’s say!
I remember seeing about five men dressed head to toe as black latex dogs with cocks, whips the lot just strolling through town. The kid’s faces in Baby Gap were Shock
It’s a free for all. I like the parade. I like the ‘love is love’ sentiment. I don’t like picking my way through big trails of sick, smashed glass and wee. The clean up team really earn their money that weekend, poor sods.

VanCleefArpels · 01/08/2019 16:38

If they are the type to dress up in Boohoo/Misguided type clothes on a night out I would bet money they'll end up with three men back in their room

pragmatic you do know that brand of clothing does not pre-determine character type and/or behaviour don’t you?? What a ridiculous and insulting thing to say

Original poster
Spaghettionaspoon · 01/08/2019 16:49

vancleefarpels no dd doesn’t personally like boohoo and misguided but don’t see how that has any impact on whether she would end up sleeping with men or not Confused

Yes dd and her friends are generally sensible, mature and savvy (savvy having grown up in London). Lots of differing opinions on here!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spaghettionaspoon · 01/08/2019 16:49

But they wouldn’t be going on pride weekend

OP posts:
needanappp · 01/08/2019 16:52

Even without pride I wouldn't let unaccompanied 16 year olds spend a weekend in Brighton. It's massively busy, and as lovely as it is there is a heavy student population which means they are more likely to end up drinking. There are a lot of house parties for example. It's not a good idea in my opinion.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 02/08/2019 09:10

Reading is full of 16 year olds post GCSE. My teens are now 18 and say they’re too old for it!

thatistheq · 02/08/2019 09:14

Don't most hotels require you to be at least 18 to book/stay?

thatistheq · 02/08/2019 09:18

I was raised in Berkshire so have been at least 6 times. I personally think it's no place for a 16 yo. Twice I have had to stop 2 young (drunk) girls being taken advantage of. Both occasions involved guys in their 20s being predatory.

ssd · 02/08/2019 09:20

Op, you let her go to Reading which you must know us full of drugs and you're going to let her go to Brighton. Why even ask?

ssd · 02/08/2019 09:21

In fact I think you're scared to say no to her?

PennyGold · 02/08/2019 09:27

If she's absolutely desperate to go, can you not make a compromise... if she has an iPhone or similar come to the agreement that she pots 'Find my Friends' on, it'll mean you're able to see her location when you want. It'll then give you the peace of mind that she won't be able to go into clubs etc at 2am. I'd just make sure you call her every so often to ensure she isn't leaving her phone in the room.
I remember going on a 'road trip' to different theme parks with friends when I was 16 and my mum was so worried! However, because she gave me the freedom/ trust to do what I wanted it meant she knew exactly where I was and she was able to set ground rules (call at this time etc) when my other friends mum thought she was at someone else's house for a sleepover weekend...

needsahouseboy · 02/08/2019 09:37

She’s 16 so she’s not going to be able to step foot inside any clubs or pubs in the evening. It’s an over 25 rule here and also a just ask everyone for I’d rule in some places.
All these people saying how danger it is are over reacting. It’s no more dangerous than any big town.
She’ll have fun and there’s lots to do. In regards to drinking/drugs etc that is everywhere absolutely everywhere. She could be pissed up at the weekend down your local park.
My niece goes out to Brighton and nothing has ever happened.
The kids we used to see in a and e were the local ones or all the bloody uni students whose parents had wrapped them in cotton wool and went crazy at their first taste of freedom.
I’d check which hotel and how far it is from the seafront so they can walk about and get back to it easily. Give the hotel a call and say if they have any issues to call you.
They’ll be fine.