To let dd16 go to Brighton for 3 days?

[Spaghettionaspoon]

Dd16 has just asked if she could go to Brighton with 2 other friends for a few days, staying in a cheap hotel that she’d be paying for. I’m just not sure as with no adult with them they could be getting up to all sorts and are likely to be getting to their hotel rooms in the morning rather than night. I also know that Brighton is quite lively with hens and stags and so would the environment be suitable for 3 unsupervised teenagers. Just feel that she deserves time to let her hair down and know that she would have lots of fun after studying really hard for her exams so what do I do?

I live there. Absolutely not. Particularly this time of year, the city is packed at weekends with tourists, hens, stags and there can be quite a menacing undertow to the nightlife. Also, being a major night out destination, everywhere has door staff and they are militant about ID checking. I’ve been turned away from bars for lack of ID, as have my friends, and we are nearing 40!

No way. Though I went a weeks holiday with pals at 16,to the south coast from Scotland. I don't know how my mum slept.

No not this weekend, later in August. Yes she’s already been to a festival and is going to Reading as well and am aware that she’s at much greater risk there but for some irrational reason I feel that she’d be safer there just as it’s a contained event with professionals available if things go wrong

I think you are looking at Reading with rose tinted specs. It’s an absolute zoo with drugs and booze everywhere. As others have said they will absolutely find it more difficult to source those things on a weekend in Brighton. There will be predatory males in both locations. If you are happy to send her to Reading then I think you should let her go on the condition you have find my friends active on your phones, and that each of the girls have all of the other parents’ numbers in their phones (same for Reading)

I have a 16 year old and know Brighton. Definitely wouldn't let her go.

What is your daughter like? I find that teens now are not so into getting into clubs and bars, probably because it's much harder, in most places you need a scannable ID. If one of mine had done this at 16 I can imagine they would be sitting on the beach in the day, going for a wander at night & eating junk. Maybe a few drinks on the beach, I don't think the drinking culture is the same now? But neither of my kids or their friends are big drinkers. So very much depends on your daughter & her group.
The days of 15 years olds getting in clubs, doing coke etc are long gone.

Absolutely no way to Brighton or festival if stay over.

They all have good quality fake ID's so forget checks. The diligent ones checking also ask for a bank card alongside the ID but few and far between. Festivals....ok for the day, but camping is when the drugs are really done.

I would let her go if she's generally sensible. I went round cities in europe with friends when I was that age - she's nearing adulthood

How different is it to where she goes out now? I grew up in London so we went to plenty of bars and clubs at that age and younger. The trips away with friends were tame in comparison to home.

Had to come on for the horrified no’s, the go with them is particularly good 🤣
If she’s been to a festival I’m sure she’ll survive a few days in Brighton, trust her.

I'm amazed by all the negative responses. She's 16 and it's a weekend in Brighton. Let her go and for goodness sake, don't stay in the room next door.

MRex we’re in London but she doesn’t go out to bars and clubs although plenty of house parties. I think it’s not that she wouldn’t like to go to them but they seem to know they just wouldn’t get in.

I just read your title and thought 'teenage girls have been going nuts there since Lydia Bennet'.

Not sure if I would!

Wow I am amazed too with all of the negative pp’s.

Don’t let 16 year old go to anywhere overnight, because drugs! Is a ridiculous over reaction.

Don’t let 16 year old go to anywhere overnight, because of predatory men makes me sad, we have to arm our girls not hide them and teach our boys what’s right and wrong.

OP if she is mature and sensible and will enjoy it, let her go. If she is young for her age and impressionable talk to her see if she really wants to go. If she’s a rule breaker she will find drugs and alcohol at home she won’t need to go away for that.

I completely understand why you would be worried, it’s a big step.

My then 16 year old daughter moved 100 miles away to go to college - her classmates went out every weekend and mid-week to pubs and clubs and used fake ID to get in and then buy alcohol. My daughter didn't drink but did go out in the nearby town to pubs but only had soft drinks - yes, I do believe her! One day when I was visiting, she told me that she had seen a dead body one evening, plus when I walked around part of said town in daylight and felt unsafe, I got the heeby jeebies about her going out there at 'only' 16!! But soon realised that there was no point - I couldn't wrap her in cotton wool for the rest of her life and I had no 'control' over whether she went out or not so I trusted her judgement. As it turns out, seeing the dead body freaked her out and she went out even less!

As @geekone said, if she is mature and sensible let her go - you know your daughter as I know mine! At 16 they need to start making their own decisions and trusting their own judgements. After all, by law they are considered old enough to become parents!

Mine is 17 - just - and I would but prefer if it was during the week. She’s not into clubbing, they’d prob go for a meal and wander round. Ffs she’s been into central London at night so I can’t imagine Brighton is worse (I know Brighton quite well). I’d make sure they were staying quite centrally though so not much walking back to hotel in dark.

mamansnet

And me!

Mr. Bennett regretted it.

Reading is an absolute drug fest. Are you kidding? Brighton is a walk in the park compared!

If you trust her in London then Brighton will not be worse; there are the same type of people and police. Letting go is hard, but by 18 she'll be off. You know your DD and her friends, so you know how mature or immature they are to know if this is a bit too far or if they'll manage it.

I'm really puzzled you'll let her to go to Reading but worried about Brighton🤷‍♀️

I live in Brighton. Other than local pubs (ie not in town) everywhere is pretty hot on checking ID.
But I'm sure there are still dodgy offlicences and I wouldn't want her drinking on the beach.

Its tricky because I'd let my (imaginary) 16 year old go out in Brighton, but its our home town, so you know the dodgy bits of where you grow up iyswim?

< sits on fence >

You just can't answer this without knowing what your daughter is like. Mine went shopping, took some early evening pictures on the beach, went for a meal then back to hotel. Absolutely categorically not tempted to try to buy alcohol illegally or get into places. So no reason not to let her.

I work in Brighton. There are loads of students here but they are a little older. Yes, there are lots of stag/hen parties but at 16 I doubt she will be going to the same places as them. They may end up in the same hotels though. It is quite a party place. At 16 it really depends on your dd and how far away you live.
For every person in Brighton doing the hen tacky stuff, there will be someone here for the vegan and sexual diversity acceptance.
Maybe in the week is better, but cheaper and far less hen/stags if that’s your worry.
Just get her to be sensible about not being on her own. There was recently a rape close to the Pavilion. Saying that all cities will have crime. How savvy is she?

My dd went camping at that age, they were fine, I'm far more worried about reading now she's 18! Thankfully several of the people she's going with are 6ft + lads in the army!

OP I had the same view of festivals vs towns, at least there’s security and a first aid tent etc. I know it’s awash with drugs and booze but there are people around if it all goes tits up.