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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Slapped in street - AIBU

89 replies

JesusIsComingLookBusy · 31/07/2019 11:48

My FIL is staying with us right now. This morning in the local high street he saw me but I didn’t see him so he walked up to me and slapped me (quite hard) on the arm. It was meant as a joke but it really shook me up to the point of tears in my eyes. I thought I was being mugged Initially then when I realised what had happened I just felt really, really embarrassed in case someone I knew had seen that I had been slapped in the street! He apologised when he realised he’d upset me but AIBU to have a real go at him later? After it happened I was a bit shocked and after exchanging a few words I just wandered of. Now sitting in a cafe I think it was an incredibly sexist action from a man to
a woman. I still feel upset but my period is due any minute and I’m very hormonal. Please can you give me some perspective - was this a shitty thing to do or do I need to find my sense of humour?

OP posts:

QuestionableMouse · 31/07/2019 11:49

I'd be bloody furious too. He shouldn't be hitting anyone, even as a joke.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 31/07/2019 11:50

He's apologised - why must you 'have a go' ? he knows he’s acted inappropriately and apologised.

SuperPixie247 · 31/07/2019 11:50

Did his apology seem sincere? Is he usually a jokey sort of man or was this out of character?

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way though.

shadowloveragain · 31/07/2019 11:51

He apologised saw you upset and he won't do it again. I would leave it now.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 31/07/2019 11:51

Wht do you mean he slapped you? I can't picture it, was it like a flap to get your attention or did he literally come up to you and wallop your arm?

TwistyTop · 31/07/2019 11:52

He realised he upset you and said sorry. Unless there's a back story of him upsetting you a lot then I'd probably leave it.

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/07/2019 11:53

Assuming he didn’t mean it as a violent smack and was just trying to get your attention, I don’t think you need to “have a real go”, if only because it really isn’t likely to achieve anything positive. He’s already apologised and feels bad about it and likely won’t do it again as a result. Neither do you need to “find a sense of humour” if you didn’t find it funny. Tell him that it gave you a real shock and upset you because you weren’t expecting it and that you’re glad he apologised straight away because it definitely wasn’t a funny thing to do in the circumstances. Then get over it. He hasn’t been defensive or told you how you should have taken it.

Original poster

JesusIsComingLookBusy · 31/07/2019 11:55

He came up and walloped me - it wasn’t a tap for attention sort of thing! He thought he was being funny. He has an odd sense of humour - he seems to enjoy seeing others wrong footed. Joke at your expense sort of thing.

OP posts:

easyandy101 · 31/07/2019 11:56

What's sexist about slapping someone's arm?

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/07/2019 11:57

Then tell him you don’t like practical jokes.

I once saw a friend in a cafe but he hadn’t seen me. I crept up behind him and went “raaaaargh!” to get his attention and for a laugh. He didn’t find it at all funny. I apologised and said it was silly of me. He accepted my apology and asked if I wanted a coffee. We have never spoken of it again. Sometimes things just don’t need dwelling on.

LongWalkShortPlank · 31/07/2019 11:57

I think your opinion of him is probably worsening how you feel about the situation a little. He apologised. I'd just leave it be. The title is very misleading too, I must say.

Tartyflette · 31/07/2019 11:57

I think I would mention it again, especially if you thought his apology was a bit dismissive or that he didn't take your upset fully on board.
That said, I wouldn't go on about it but I think you could repeat that you were very shocked and he should never do it again.

HappyHammy · 31/07/2019 11:59

I don't think its sexist, he embarrassed and hurt you, sit down with him and your dh and tell him it wasn't funny, please don't ever do anything like that again.

HollowTalk · 31/07/2019 12:01

A woman I worked with had a panic attack when a friend came up behind her in Oxford Street and put her hands on her shoulders and shouted something as a joke.

My colleague had been raped by a stranger when she was walking home at night with headphones in - he came up behind her and she never saw his face.

It was horrible to see the way she reacted when her friend put her hands on her.

AloneLonelyLoner · 31/07/2019 12:02

I react really badly if someone does this to me and it has happened a few times. I've had bad experience so if someone sneaks up on me, hits me, makes me jump, whatever, I cry and sometimes instinctively hit out. If his apology though was genuine and you don't think there's a risk of it happening again then I'd leave it. Otherwise definitely make sure to tell him how unacceptable it was and that it mustn't happen again.

Zebraaa · 31/07/2019 12:05

I just can’t imagine how he walloped you to get your attention. It’s not definitely not sexist either.

spam390 · 31/07/2019 12:06

You made him aware you were upset by his actions, he openly apologised, so end of.

You've admitted in your post to being 'very hormonal' and this would explain your being so upset over this.

He obviously did not intend to hurt or scare you and he's apologised, so you need to let this go. What would be gained by dragging him over the coals when he's already apologised and admitted wrongdoing ?

In your OP, you make it sound like an intentional, aggressive slap by saying
' I thought I was being mugged Initially then when I realised what had happened I just felt really, really embarrassed in case someone I knew had seen that I had been slapped in the street!'

But it was obviously neither, you got a scare and were embarrassed, that's all.

Sorry you're having a crappy day though :( , maybe just have a bubble bath and try to relax until you feel better ?

NCforthis2019 · 31/07/2019 12:07

Your title is very misleading.

He apologised - what do you hope to gain by ‘having a go?’at him later? Was his apology genuine?

HennyPennyHorror · 31/07/2019 12:08

Get the fucker back. Wait till' he's really not expecting it and smack him round the back of the head.

I would! I react like you did OP...when shocked like that.

RosaWaiting · 31/07/2019 12:09

" he seems to enjoy seeing others wrong footed. Joke at your expense sort of thing."

that's not weird humour, it's an utter wanker.

I'd have a massive go at him when you feel up to it.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 31/07/2019 12:10

For goodness' sake, the things some people get wound up about! There are far more important things to worry about.

RosaWaiting · 31/07/2019 12:11

people saying it's no big deal - a "wallop" is a really hard hit? Well, that's what I thought. Why would you hit anyone really hard, unless in self defence?

KeepFuckingOff · 31/07/2019 12:11

If he’s got form then let him have it I say. If was an I’ll judged one off incident I’d leave it.

HennyPennyHorror · 31/07/2019 12:12

Milk so go to another thread that's more important then!

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 31/07/2019 12:14

Sexist? How so? Sorry you're having a bad day, but I really think you're seeing things that just aren't there. As do many people these days, something happens they don't like it's because I'm a woman/foreign/gay/ a POC. Etc etc.

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