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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Slapped in street - AIBU

89 replies

JesusIsComingLookBusy · 31/07/2019 11:48

My FIL is staying with us right now. This morning in the local high street he saw me but I didn’t see him so he walked up to me and slapped me (quite hard) on the arm. It was meant as a joke but it really shook me up to the point of tears in my eyes. I thought I was being mugged Initially then when I realised what had happened I just felt really, really embarrassed in case someone I knew had seen that I had been slapped in the street! He apologised when he realised he’d upset me but AIBU to have a real go at him later? After it happened I was a bit shocked and after exchanging a few words I just wandered of. Now sitting in a cafe I think it was an incredibly sexist action from a man to
a woman. I still feel upset but my period is due any minute and I’m very hormonal. Please can you give me some perspective - was this a shitty thing to do or do I need to find my sense of humour?

OP posts:

Sagradafamiliar · 31/07/2019 12:16

Having read your post where you say he enjoys seeing others wrongfooted...urgh. I know the type. He needs to grow the fuck up. I'd reiterate later on in company, 'never put your hands on me again'.

5foot5 · 31/07/2019 12:17

What's sexist about slapping someone's arm?
Would he have done that to another man?

He has an odd sense of humour - he seems to enjoy seeing others wrong footed. Joke at your expense sort of thing.
If the slap was as hard as you say then you will probably have a bruise later. No need to have a real go at him. Just make sure you wear something sleeveless about the house so that both he and your DH can see the result of his little "joke". Make sure the stupid f**r feels guilty and he might think twice about doing something like that in future.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 31/07/2019 12:19

But in answer to your AIBU, it was an incredibly shitty thing to do. Only you can gauge if his apology was genuine - you know him, MN doesn't after all - but it might be worth having a gentle word in his ear. Something along the lines of what if he'd mistaken someone else for you? He could got himself a proper tuning!!! Never a good idea to lay hands on someone like that ....
Hope you feel better soon.

billy1966 · 31/07/2019 12:21

Completely unacceptable OP.

Since when is acceptable to hit anyone anywhere?

Some people aren't used to being randomly hurt .

Talk about victim shaming.

OP, it sounds like it hurt and you got a terrible fright.

Your FIL sounds absolutely horrible and I think you need to make it very clear if he ever lays a hand on you again, you will contact the police.

See how funny he thinks that is.

Definitely do not be embarrassed or shamed into thinking this is acceptable.

Make it clear to your husband how upset you are.

Tell your FIL to give you major space.

Puppytooth · 31/07/2019 12:25

Oh the good ole wrong footer - they’re a laugh a minute and have a far superior sense of humour than others...until the joke’s on them. I wonder how he would have reacted if it was the other way round?? You’re definitely not BU.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 31/07/2019 12:25

Did it leave a mark? I'd think anything stronger than a tap is not necessary.

I'd probably have turned round and punched him if I thought I was being mugged, so he is lucky you didn't react quickly!

SuperSara · 31/07/2019 12:37

Now sitting in a cafe I think it was an incredibly sexist action from a man to a woman.

Sexist?

No. The actions of a complete tool, maybe. But I can't see what's sexist about it.

ohcanada · 31/07/2019 12:38

I think he obviously realised it was too far after he saw you get upset.

He has apologised and if this is the first time it happened you should let it go. If it keeps happening then worth bringing up, but I don't think it's something to make into a big deal on this first occasion.

We've all made social mistakes and taken things a bit far.

Tapping someone's arm is quite different from being slapped in the face!

Bookworm4 · 31/07/2019 12:41

Jeezo another drama queen using ‘I’m hormonal’to overreact, he apologised if he hadn’t then he’s a twat. Your title is attention seeking, your arm was slapped not your face. Calm down.

WorraLiberty · 31/07/2019 12:52

He apologised when he realised he’d upset me but AIBU to have a real go at him later?

Yes. He did it...in your words as a 'joke'. He apologised when he realised he upset you.

He sounds like a bit of an idiot but you sound quite OTT, sitting in a cafe sulking about it.

No idea where sexism comes into it as blokes slap each other on the back all the time. The only difference hear is it was your arm.

WorraLiberty · 31/07/2019 12:52

*here

dany174 · 31/07/2019 12:57

Not sexist in my opinion. My partner's family and friends often do stuff like this to each other. Punching the upper arm. Jump scaring when they see each other randomly.

I just make clear it's not something I appreciate, they respect that.

You FIL apologised, let it go. However if he does it again have a strict talk with him.

ElsieMc · 31/07/2019 12:59

I don't like this either, but at least he realises he was out of order. I worked for a man who seemed threatened by me and he would regularly humiliate me at work. One day he came up to me and punched me hard in the arm, as in giving me a dead arm. It really hurt and I was pretty shocked about it. He said absolutely nothing and left.

I tried telling another colleague later but they looked at me like I was making it up. I never did anything about it but most of the staff (female) eventually left.

I think you are shocked and need to talk to your dh here. Don't let other posters minimise like my colleague did with me.

melissasummerfield · 31/07/2019 13:00

Yes you are being completely OTT

BMW6 · 31/07/2019 13:01

If this is the first time he has done this I would accept the apology and let it go.
If he has done this before I would speak to him and tell him to keep his hands to himself from now on.

Ponoka7 · 31/07/2019 13:08

" He has an odd sense of humour - he seems to enjoy seeing others wrong footed. Joke at your expense sort of thing."

He's a twat and masks it with 'humour/banter' etc.

For those struggling, it's sexist because men don't hurt each other because they know they'd get a punch. The Women they do this to can't hit back.

It was a twatty thing to do.

Tell him straight and make it clear that he keeps his one-upmanship games away from you.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 31/07/2019 13:09

OP, he thought it was a joke and apologised when he realised you were upset. He didn't slap you, he hit your arm. It might have been a stupid thing to do and he might be a bit of a tool but you are making a massive drama over this. Even the title of your post over-dramatised the situation. Just let it go and get on with your day. What do you hope to achieve by having a go at him? He's already said sorry. Jeez.

TooTrueToBeGood · 31/07/2019 13:10

As misplaced as it might have been, he meant it as a joke not with malice. You made it very clear to him at the time that you didn't find it remotely funny and were upset. He apologized. What exactly is to be gained by having a real go at him later? What more do you want other than to turn a drama into a crisis?

StepAwayFromGoogle · 31/07/2019 13:11

Oh, for heaven's sake, it's not sexist. If he does this sort of 'joke's on you' thing a lot of course he'd have whacked another man on the arm.

Yabbers · 31/07/2019 13:12

so he walked up to me and slapped me = Not sexist. Twattish.

I still feel upset but my period is due any minute and I’m very hormonal. Please can you give me some perspective = Sexist.

eggsandwich · 31/07/2019 13:24

Our household rule is we keep our hands to ourselves and your Fil needs to be reminded of this.

easyandy101 · 31/07/2019 13:26

For those struggling, it's sexist because men don't hurt each other because they know they'd get a punch. The Women they do this to can't hit back.

Blokes don't hit each other?

OMGshefoundmeout · 31/07/2019 13:29

He did something silly (but in no way sexist, men certainly do that sort of thing to other men) and said sorry when he saw he had scared you. I think that’s the end of the matter.

QualCheckBot · 31/07/2019 13:31

YANBU. He sounds like an arse who likes to push peoples' boundaries. He shouldn't, as an adult, be putting himself in situations where he has to apologise for hitting or frightening people.

Being slapped does give you a fright. Whats wrong with gently touching someone on the arm?

And yes, I doubt he would have done it to a man, because a man is more likely to punch someone without thinking if this happens. Not all of them, but some will. So I bet he wouldn't have done it to a man.

easyandy Blokes don't hit each other? theres a bit of a difference between joking about and slapping each other when you can see each other and hitting someone from behind when they've no idea you're there.

Loyaultemelie · 31/07/2019 13:36

HollowTalk I had to read your post a couple of times if you hadn't specified Oxford Street I thought I was your friend.
Op it's a horrible feeling when something like that happens so yes I would mention it again

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