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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to still be told off at 38

105 replies

notso · 31/07/2019 10:32

Lighthearted although it is a little wearing.

Not a week seems to go by without me getting told off by my parents or PIL for some minor thing they feel I should or shouldn't be doing.
To name a few,
Bin still out,
plant needs watering,
Kids eating dinner at 8:30
Grass possibly killed by plant pot

All clearly horrific crimes!

I'm 38 and have four children, two of them are teenagers. Surely I'm too old for a telling off.
I usually just smile and nod but it does bring out the rebellious teen in me and make me want to do the opposite.
Is it just a thing that I'll end up doing or have I just got two sets of parents who can't stop parenting?

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 31/07/2019 10:33

told off or passing comment ?

Butterymuffin · 31/07/2019 10:34

Try saying just that, e.g. 'I'm 38 now mum, stop telling me off like a teenager and leave me to do things my way!' If you just smile and nod, that reinforces the idea that it's ok.

NoLeopard · 31/07/2019 10:37

My mum still does this and I'm in my sixties! For the last couple of decades I either say 'Oh dear' or 'I know, I blame the parents' or (sigh) 'I wish I was perfect like you mum'.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 31/07/2019 10:39

I get it too! Although more like passive aggressive criticisms - I used to laugh them off - now I'm just so tired of it all so I'm probably a lot more distant than I used to be!

Ninkaninus · 31/07/2019 10:40

Why do you smile and nod? That’s why they keep doing it...

Nobody does that to me, because they know I wouldn’t take kindly to it.

Original poster
notso · 31/07/2019 10:40

Told off/passing comment, it's the way I'd say to my kids "that cup has been on your bedside table for three days" as in you should do something about it but not actually shouting at me.

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 31/07/2019 10:41

Not actually shouting at you? Well, you’d bloody hope not. What are they doing in your bedroom?

Dubbadubbadumdum · 31/07/2019 10:45

Tell them all to get fucked! They're only telling you off because you're allowing it! Stop letting them treat you like a child!!

Original poster
notso · 31/07/2019 10:45

Grin they aren't in my bedroom! I said the way I would say to my kids about their bedroom.

OP posts:
Coralfish · 31/07/2019 10:47

Currently being told off for not having been to the doctor's with my cough. I daren't admit that I am still registered with my old doctor 20 miles away when we moved house nearly a year ago...

RozHuntleysStump · 31/07/2019 10:50

I have the same issue. I'm 40 but my dad seems to think I'm still 9. I'm regularly menaced about the things I do or don't do. It's irritating.

jamoncrumpet · 31/07/2019 10:50

My dad does this. He often points out hazards and says 'you want to watch her' (the baby)

He also presses his foot down like he's braking when I'm driving him anywhere.

Drives me nuts but he'll never change

herculepoirot2 · 31/07/2019 10:50

Sorry! Right. I think you need to be a bit rider. Say something like, “So?” or “And?”

Original poster
notso · 31/07/2019 10:51

NoLeopard gets it, I like the blame the parents comment. Will use in the future.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 31/07/2019 10:53

My dad was still getting told off by his mum when he was 56 and she was 98!

Original poster
notso · 31/07/2019 10:56

The smile and nod and then not reacting achieve the same effect.
The pot is still proudly on the grass,

OP posts:
Original poster
notso · 31/07/2019 11:01

Grin singleandproud that's why I think I might end up doing it too, maybe it's a habit of a lifetime.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 31/07/2019 11:10

Well I hope you manage to pick the right nursing home for them if you are so completely incompetent.Wink
Perhaps you might like to mention that.

Why1990 · 31/07/2019 11:10

I don't think I could be light hearted about it, it would really annoy me if people kept passing comments on little faults.

I'd say something like "I have bigger problems to deal with"

upple · 31/07/2019 11:11

They're right about the grass though, you're murdering it.

NoLeopard · 31/07/2019 11:12

I like having the opportunity to hone my sarcasm skills. Using your examples
The bin's still out (Those new glasses are brilliant mum!)
The plant needs watering (Well don't just sit there, get the watering can!)
The kids are eating at 8.30 (Yikes! Better call the police!)
The grass is dying under the pot (I can't believe you didn't move it last week!)
Etc etc Grin
Although my mum's in her 90s she appreciates a bit of verbal sparring and we end up laughing. She still can't stop herself from commenting the next time though!

CaramelCrunch · 31/07/2019 11:13

I have the same thing with my dad OP. It’s got worse since he retired. I think once he couldn’t micromanage his employees every day he missed the control. Drives me and DSis mad.

He also thinks we are incapable of making decisions by ourselves, so I can’t even make casual conversation along the lines of “we’re thinking of getting new curtains” without having a lecture on which companies we should use, what colours would be best, have we considered xyz...

AssignedNorthern · 31/07/2019 11:15

41 and in the same boat as you OP! Plenty of passive aggressive comments from my Ddad. I find that we only have two kinds of interaction, small talk about weather or criticism of me/my life, It's tedious to have to listen to opinions you did not ask for. Also stealing the "I blame the parents" line from now on.

BarbariansMum · 31/07/2019 11:18

My mother does this all.the.bloody.time. And always about housework too. Recently I've started challenging it "Well you'd better speak to dh about that, he's in charge of laundry this week" or "Ds1 grandma says you need to sweep the kitchen floor". Then she gets flustered because she thinks that a) the sun shines out of their backsides b) the idea that housework is shared is totally alien to her, poor love.

Not sure if its achieved much, but it makes me feel better. I cant use the "I blame the parents" line because she couldn't have done more to show me how housework should be done, or how to keep a house immaculateand that it's woman's work.

Herbalteahippie · 31/07/2019 11:23

YANBU. My FiL tears absolute strips off me (sometimes in public) reduces me to tears for the most bizarre things (I sent food back at a restaurant once and he had absolute fit, my husband had to step in and they didn’t talk for weeks) because they are older they think they can say what they want.
I just ignore it now. But one day he’s going to be told to FUCK OFF.