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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to still be told off at 38

105 replies

notso · 31/07/2019 10:32

Lighthearted although it is a little wearing.

Not a week seems to go by without me getting told off by my parents or PIL for some minor thing they feel I should or shouldn't be doing.
To name a few,
Bin still out,
plant needs watering,
Kids eating dinner at 8:30
Grass possibly killed by plant pot

All clearly horrific crimes!

I'm 38 and have four children, two of them are teenagers. Surely I'm too old for a telling off.
I usually just smile and nod but it does bring out the rebellious teen in me and make me want to do the opposite.
Is it just a thing that I'll end up doing or have I just got two sets of parents who can't stop parenting?

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 31/07/2019 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunningFeisty · 31/07/2019 11:24

My mom, when hearing I was considering getting a dog.

"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, YOU CAN'T HAVE A DOG, RUNNINGFEISTY!"

I was like, I'm 30 years old, Mother, yes I bloody well can!

Hithere12 · 31/07/2019 11:26

I think they do it to put you down/put you in your place as some kind of power trip.

I’ve gone NC with a parent like this (albeit they were much worse and there were other reasons)

I’d tell them off about small things they do back OP.

EttyG · 31/07/2019 11:31

Yes!! My mum in particular is bad for this. She's quite controlling and takes it very personally if you don't follow her advice on bigger stuff. She will moan about my siblings mistakes and I have to remind her that they are adults and it's up to them to deal with it if they indeed have made a mistake.

I love some of the suggested come back responses though for the minor stuff, especially the 'I blame the parents' one. Definitely going to be trying that one out!

Bluetrews25 · 31/07/2019 11:31

It could be about them still wanting to be your parent, so they still have a role and some worth.
Really they need to get out more and have other interests!

whothedaddy · 31/07/2019 11:32

I tell my partner off in a jokey way if he complains about something that I've previously given him advise on.

E.G Him: my hayfever is so bad today my eyes hurt.
Me: Did you take those tablets I sugested and bought for you.
Him: No, i'd rather just moan to you about it laughs
Me: Honestly. it's like having 2 children sometimes. will you just do as you are told. laughs

I get the irritating parents thing though, my mum is prone to do it,especially if she is unhappy. I guess you never stop being a parent and it's difficult transitioning to no longer instructing your children whether they are 8 or 38 they are still your children.

Shrug the small stuff off my lovely :)

mussolini9 · 31/07/2019 11:33

Every time they point out another task that needs doing, thank them & say it's really kind of them to offer to do it for you.

Parent: "those bins need taking out"
You "oh THANK YOU that's so kind, the bin liners are in this drawer, thanks for offering to do that for me"

EVERY TIME.
They will learn.

hartof · 31/07/2019 11:35

I'm early 30's haven't lived with parents for 15 years and last week I had 7 missed calls from my dad to tell us we were over watering our plants! Even rang DD's phone to try and get to us. Harmless but annoying.

snitzelvoncrumb · 31/07/2019 11:35

I feel your pain. I'm the same age and my mum tells me off all the time. I hide things from my mum all the time to avoid it.

EttyG · 31/07/2019 11:37

@hartof how did he know you were over watering your plants?

ItsAllGoingToBeMagnificent · 31/07/2019 11:37

My mum has a go at me about our house being a mess a lot. I'm not a sahm, we both work and have children. For some reason she thinks it's the woman's job. Both my parents worked ft but my mum did all the "woman's" jobs (she was constantly exhausted). I do as much as I can but my husband just won't clean or tidy. I can't do it all. Instead of commenting on how my husband needs to do more she comments on how I'm a wife and mother now and it's down to me, he's hard done by lol!

MonChatEstMagnifique · 31/07/2019 11:40

My mum used to do this. She was judgemental. She was also retired and had loads of spare time each day, unlike us with 2 kids and both working. I used to remind her that she wasn't quite so organised when she had kids at home and worked. Thankfully I don't speak other anymore as our problems ran much deeper than that. It's lovely not to be commented on now.

scaryteacher · 31/07/2019 11:42

I'm in my 50s and I still get it in the neck from my Mum and we live in different countries!

hartof · 31/07/2019 11:52

@EttyG He'd been to drop something off and had to leave it in the garden.

NoSauce · 31/07/2019 11:54

It’s just a bit wearing I imagine.

Just do a big huff every time they do it.

growlingbear · 31/07/2019 11:56

Mirror it? Go to their house and say, 'You really shouldn't use air freshener. Didn't you know it triggers asthma?' Or, 'You need to change your tea-towels everyday, mum. These stink.' (Based on my observation that super-obsessive tidy people always having hideously grimy tea-towels.) Pick her up on stuff she's not doing until she gets annoyed then point out it's irritating and you'll stop if she does.

JudgeRindersMinder · 31/07/2019 11:57

“ I do it to annoy you and it’s working” would be my stock answer to all these things!

PeoniesarePink · 31/07/2019 11:59

I had nearly 40 years of this from my sister.

We no longer talk.

It's surprisingly lovely.

Original poster
notso · 31/07/2019 12:03

BarbarisnsMum I love that idea.

EttyG my Mum always uses me as a sounding board for what I think is acceptable to say to her about various situations. I almost always say "Don't say anything, she's a grown woman"
I suspect if she does the same to my sister she says "yeah, I think you should say definitely that to notso she'll appreciate your wisdom" just for a laugh!

OP posts:
AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 31/07/2019 12:05

I'm 40 and still get the occasional telling off from my parents. Infractions include things like leaving the washing up overnight, having too many dresses and not texting enough. It doesn't bother me because at least I know they care (and they aren't arseholes either). If it was criticism meant seriously then I would view it differently.

Original poster
notso · 31/07/2019 12:05

“ I do it to annoy you and it’s working”

Another gem!

OP posts:
mrsmuddlepies · 31/07/2019 12:05

The Worst Public telling off I witnessed was a MIL who had wandered off in a supermarket. Her DIL was ripping into her and calling to her husband to get him to tell his mother off too. I remember the look of shame and embarrassment on her face. Public tellings off are never pretty.

Original poster
notso · 31/07/2019 12:06

Having too many dresses
The horror!

OP posts:
Yabbers · 31/07/2019 12:08

I had to say a similar thing to my boss when he was talking to me as if I was a fresh in to work graduate because he thought I’d made a mistake (I hadn’t) I reminded him I might look like I’m still in my 20s (I don’t 😄) but I’m a grown woman who doesn’t make rookie mistakes. He never did it again.

Just tell them. And remember this in 30 years time when you are still doing it to your children 😄

catatemymind · 31/07/2019 12:08

My mum freaked out at me for getting a tattoo....I hid it from her for ages because I didn't want to be told off!! I am mid-thirties with children Grin