To not want to still be told off at 38

[notso]

Lighthearted although it is a little wearing.

Not a week seems to go by without me getting told off by my parents or PIL for some minor thing they feel I should or shouldn't be doing.
To name a few,
Bin still out,
plant needs watering,
Kids eating dinner at 8:30
Grass possibly killed by plant pot

All clearly horrific crimes!

I'm 38 and have four children, two of them are teenagers. Surely I'm too old for a telling off.
I usually just smile and nod but it does bring out the rebellious teen in me and make me want to do the opposite.
Is it just a thing that I'll end up doing or have I just got two sets of parents who can't stop parenting?

My aunt does this to me as well. When she’s in my house she moves things around as well, don’t put that there or xyz ... I’m also in my thirties!

I was lucky, in that my Mum was never one for housework and smoked/drank, so when she went to criticise I'd challenge her.

When she would pull my Adult DDs up on their spending I'd point out her smoking etc.

If she pulled sexist shit, I'd say it was lucky we had Women prepared to challenge their roles, or we wouldn't even be educated.

She started to bite her tongue.

With PIL it's always a parting shot. We have a nice chat and a cup of tea, say goodbye and then boom there it is.

With my Mum it's usually casually slipped in started with a slightly scathing look and punctuated with a Lynda Snell sniff.

That’s just so rude! I wouldn’t dream of going into someone’s home and moving their shit around.

This comes from that misguided notion that one’s elders are automatically one’s betters. Certainly not. No one in my family is superior to me.

My Mum tried this shit with me for a few years - it’s infuriating!

Turn it round on them and start parenting/telling them off. I started doing that in my 30s and DM quickly got back in her box

My DM is prone to this with me and previously with my late DGM, her mother.

My DGM used to say that those that see it should do it.

My mum is always doing this, eg telling me off for not wearing a coat (I hate coats). I pointed out that I’m 40 but was told I’m still her child at which point I gave up. I just ignore it now or pretend I haven’t heard

FIL always telling DH and me off! We are both mid forties. We laugh about it most of the time but yes, it does get wearing.

Perhaps reply with 'yes, and?'

Or maybe reply with 'wind your fucking neck in?'

I'm 49 my father still does this to me Seems to be an obsession with grass cutting and wheelie bins in particular. Oh and asking if we've checked the oil level in our car. 🤦‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

My pil are like this. I smile sweetly and say are you really trying to tell me what to do and how to live my life?

As the mum of young adults who have moved away and live with their partners I'm learning to step away and keep my gob shut - but it's hard! Although when one was talking about adopting a giant land snail I stepped right back and, smiling sweetly, said "It's up typ you m'duck, nowt to do with me " and meant it! Was quite liberating. I sometimes still find it hard not to comment on some of the things I see...

Good luck OP! You definitely need to use some of the excellent responses other posters have come up with.

Oh lord I feel for you. My mother does this constantly, either directly or in a hugely passive aggressive way. I mostly just try to let it wash over me but, peculiarly, the little thing that really gets to me is if I have bought something new eg a top or something. My mother then calls me ‘naughty’ which just makes me puce with rage!! I am mid-40s and can spend my bloody money how I want!!

They tell me off and I tell them off. It's all done with love.

I guess it's all in how it's actually said.

My mum got snapped at after years of me shrugging it off. Now I'm the 'hot-headed' one in the family and she tells people she can't say anything to me.
All I ever asked for was basic adult to adult civility.
I also have adult children and have worked hard on myself about letting them go. Figure if they want advice they will ask for it.
YANBU!

@CoraPirbright if you can just find the special word or phrase that makes your mother puce with rage...

My own parents were never controlling types, and even after 27 years of marriage I'm still thrown by MIL trying to micro-manage. She's finally grasped the fact that I won't tolerate it around my house, but makes up for it by suggesting I should have more control over my own DC, one of whom is 25 and doesn't appreciate interference any more than I do.

My mum got snapped at after years of me shrugging it off. Now I'm the 'hot-headed' one in the family and she tells people she can't say anything to me.
All I ever asked for was basic adult to adult civility.

Same here. If I ever throw the head up- or even calmly and firmly defend myself- after a weekend of criticism from mum on and on over every little bloody thing- I get "Oh you're so touchy, why do you always argue, nobody can tell you anything".

If I ignore I get "ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME ?"
If I took the piss it wouldn't go down well.

It's annoying as she wouldn't do it to her children in law, friends and acquaintances, strangers...just my sister and me. We're on our 40s. She doesn't do it to our younger brother- in fact the other way round- on his infrequent visits home he is often critical of everything and would not tolerate any criticism of himself.

Oh it's what parents do- get over it. My mum still raises her eyebrows or comments on things I do and I'm almost an OAP!

On this drives me mad. And it's always about stuff that DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER! Does my DM not realise my anxiety can be traced back to her and I am trying to NOT sweat the small stuff with DD?

She also cannot help herself but pick up bits and check under the toilet seat every time. Drives me nuts.

My DMs MIL was the champion of this, (she was a lovely granny but not mil) she got my dm so flustered she dropped the cheesecake she was carrying on the floor and burst into tears. Everyone was silent then her fil (quiet studious doctor) absolutely boomed "Mil I warned you not to criticise dil now look what you've done" Never another word was said.

The comment to me from DPs that drives me insane EVERY BLOODY TIME is "Do you need the loo?" Muttered under their breath cos it could be slightly rude/medical before we leave the house or wherever we are out. I have been in control of my effing bladder and bowels for nigh on 55 years and apart from post partum issues am quite competent to decide if I NEED A BLOODY WEE.
And breathe ...

Sometimes I get told “you’ll need a coat” I love to say “do you think I need one”? Works so well when it’s bucketing down outside! I am 47 and capable of looking outside!

Ok, so if it's usually a parting comment, be ready for that and when she does it, laugh and say 'Ah, there we go, it wouldn't be time to say goodbye without one of your little comments, would it? See you next time!' Be very cheerful and dismissive about it, if you see what I mean.