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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to dump my boyfriend over a bad gut feeling?

91 replies

goldfishandcheese · 30/07/2019 19:51

Was with a guy for 10 weeks, he honestly seemed absolutely perfect in every way. He was very full on and said all the right things, we had said "I love you" etc, good chemistry and banter. Both looking to settle down and lots in common.

But I had this overwhelming what I can only describe as gut wrenching feeling from the moment I first started texting with him. I can not describe it other than as a feeling of sheer and utter dread - not so much when I was actually with him but more so when we were apart and I was thinking of him or was due to see him.

Something just didn't feel right about him but I can't for the life of me pinpoint anything that it could be. I couldn't trust him, once again, no reason not to. I put it down to maybe being my own insecurities.

My gut had been screaming so loud at me though it honestly became impossible for me to ignore and manifested in me losing my appetite and sleep.

So I broke things off two weeks ago and since then he has been respectful and left me alone. Usually in this situation I would feel a bit sad but honestly I feel this overwhelming relief and happiness and have my appetite back. I feel empowered and almost as if I escaped a near death experience.

It sounds dramatic. Can anyone explain this? Was I wrong to split with him without a solid reason?

OP posts:
PooFacedPie · 30/07/2019 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Parkandride · 30/07/2019 19:54

God trust your gut, and keep an eye out for his name in case he does something horrific in the future

herculepoirot2 · 30/07/2019 19:58

Who can say, OP? It may be that you are picking up on something, or it may be that you are frightened in some way and projecting your expectations of relationship failure on to him. My gut has never screamed at me. I have never lost sleep over anything I could not explain to myself rationally, and I am prepared to accept that if I can’t find a reason why I am afraid of someone, there might not be one.

jeaux90 · 30/07/2019 20:03

Being full on and saying they love you early on is a red flag for me (after being with a narcissist who was just like that from the beginning then turned into the Dark Lord)

Trust your instincts

MRex · 30/07/2019 20:07

Why did you stay with him for so long? I've had gut feelings, but I've just left straight away; I walked out on a first date once because of it. Anyway, YANBU, something wasn't right to you so that's good enough regardless of whether it was actually an issue with him or not.

How is the rest of your relationship history, are you going to date again now?

M0RVEN · 30/07/2019 20:11

I don’t understand . You spent 10 weeks of your life dating, texting and (I assume ) having sex with a man who filled you with dread. You even told him you loved him!

Why on earth did you even have a second date with him, let alone do all that ??

goldfishandcheese · 30/07/2019 20:12

@MRex I stayed because I just couldn't find a rational explanation for my feeling so wanted to give it a chance but as the feeling became overwhelming and was impacting my health I decided I had to do it.

My previous relationships have been okay, never had these feelings before, was in a 3 year, 2 year then 1 year relationship without ever having that feeling so not a pattern.

No I met him on tinder but have deleted as starting uni soon and want to concentrate on that and I found that 10 week relationship really stressful on myself.

OP posts:
goldfishandcheese · 30/07/2019 20:13

@M0RVEN because he wasn't doing anything outwardly wrong so I put it down to me being insecure or overly paranoid or scared of getting hurt.

OP posts:
palahvah · 30/07/2019 20:13

May I ask if you have had many relationships before? Have you ever felt like this with anyone else?

IsobelRae23 · 30/07/2019 20:17

Did you make a post about this a few weeks ago?

goldfishandcheese · 30/07/2019 20:17

@palahvah 3 previous relationships. 3 years, 2 years and 1 year. Never experienced anything like this.

OP posts:
goldfishandcheese · 30/07/2019 20:17

@IsobelRae23 no I never

OP posts:
Thequaffle · 30/07/2019 20:19

Your body usually knows before your mind catches on that something is right and that you’re experiencing fear.
Go with your gut, plenty more fish in the sea.

HelpMeDrRanj · 30/07/2019 20:20

How creepy! You definitely did the right thing, especially as you were so relieved afterwards. Gut feelings are there for a reason.

OnlyaMan · 30/07/2019 20:20

Speaking as a man, I would be disappointed, (perhaps baffled), if I got this treatment. But…...life is like that. If your boyfriend has accepted this-fine. Get on with your life.
The only real issue, perhaps, is if you get this reaction to two or more boyfriends. In that case, the common factor is you.
You may need some therapy.

RozHuntleysIncineratedHand · 30/07/2019 20:25

Weird, I am sure someone posted very very similar not so long ago.

NabooThatsWho · 30/07/2019 20:27

No you definitely WNBU to dump him. Your gut was trying to tell you something!

BeanBag7 · 30/07/2019 20:31

YANBU to dump him for this reason. Or any reason really.

YABU to tell.him "I love you" because clearly you didn't!

Aquamarine1029 · 30/07/2019 20:34

Never ever ever ignore your instincts.

VenusTiger · 30/07/2019 20:37

Agree with @OnlyaMan as well as other pps. I wonder OP, did any previous bfs betray you? Are you feeling subconsciously guarded?

Will the recent ex be on your uni course Shock and those feelings were of something other than dread? Or.... was he the one!

goldfishandcheese · 30/07/2019 20:41

@VenusTiger I mean of course I've been betrayed by a past boyfriend but I don't feel particularly guarded, no.

No he's not on my uni course, but I just want to concentrate on it for the next year.

Oh I hope he wasn't the one cause then I've majorly fucked it 😂

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 30/07/2019 20:43

He’s obviously not the one if he makes you feel a deep fear and dread.

VenusTiger · 30/07/2019 20:44

Lol, just wondering if you were getting butterflies so overwhelmingly that you may have misconstrued them for something else 😫🤭

OhMyDarling · 30/07/2019 20:44

Sarah’s law, Claire’s law- enquire at the police station. My friend did this and thank god she did.

VenusTiger · 30/07/2019 20:45

One of his exes could probably help?

Anyway, if it’s meant to be and all that....

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