WIBU to dump my boyfriend over a bad gut feeling?

[goldfishandcheese]

Was with a guy for 10 weeks, he honestly seemed absolutely perfect in every way. He was very full on and said all the right things, we had said "I love you" etc, good chemistry and banter. Both looking to settle down and lots in common.

But I had this overwhelming what I can only describe as gut wrenching feeling from the moment I first started texting with him. I can not describe it other than as a feeling of sheer and utter dread - not so much when I was actually with him but more so when we were apart and I was thinking of him or was due to see him.

Something just didn't feel right about him but I can't for the life of me pinpoint anything that it could be. I couldn't trust him, once again, no reason not to. I put it down to maybe being my own insecurities.

My gut had been screaming so loud at me though it honestly became impossible for me to ignore and manifested in me losing my appetite and sleep.

So I broke things off two weeks ago and since then he has been respectful and left me alone. Usually in this situation I would feel a bit sad but honestly I feel this overwhelming relief and happiness and have my appetite back. I feel empowered and almost as if I escaped a near death experience.

It sounds dramatic. Can anyone explain this? Was I wrong to split with him without a solid reason?

Eh.. I had a bad feeling bout my ex. Knew he was keeping something from me. It was called alcoholism. Even when he sobered up I still always had this feeling and couldn't let my guard down. A lot more history was revealed over our marriage. Duis, asbos, stealing money, on selling medication to make meth. Couldn't travel to certain countries cis of drug conviction.. I was spoon fed over the years. He started drinking again and boom.. Assault trust your gut. Wish to god I had trusted mine!!!

DEMANDING you tell him you love him is more than enough to tell me you dodged a bullet.

Interesting... you ask if your gut instincts are wrong then you send an hilarious emoji to some random guy @hadthesnip2 who flat out says your gut is twaddle and the bloke you left got off lightly! What's that about OP? You also told your ex you loved him while actually feeling dread for him for nearly 3 months. Nothing wrong with your instincts ..but there's a reason you ignored them for so long. At Uni consider getting help around what sounds like co-dependancy issues.

There was a really good thread a while back about instincts and listening to them
And the overwhelming consensus was that sometimes our stomach tells us stuff faster than the brain

So give it no further thought OP and move on

@TanyaChix that’s not a sign of psychopathy in a day to day context. It’s very easy to fake eye smiles etc. and psychopaths are talented actors when they are switched on. I regularly fake emotions (because I have naturally ‘dead’ eyes and am generally a bit scatty, not because I am a psychopath) and I lead my emotions with my eyes. It actually makes them easier to fake. Someone with dead eyes is more likely to have Botox, an unexpressive face (like me) or a milder form of antisocial personality disorder/be badly faking emotions for some other reason.

All true, Boggles, but Botox in a male is unlikely to fill the OP with such fear which is why I and other posters suggested that she could be picking up on something that goes beyond his eyes just being an unusual colour or him being a bit less emotional than average. There was a thread about exactly this a few weeks ago where posters were telling stories of how their gut instincts about people being dangerous were proved right.

ALWAYSSS trust your gut. Your brain reads body language that you are unaware of. Little things someone does, your body subconsciously recognizes the things you consciously cant pick up on. Your gut can suss a genuine and non genuine person from a mile away, sometimes we just struggle to acknowledge it.
Besides anyway, even if he is a wonderful man it could have been fine.. If your gut didnt like it then he was lacking something somewhere.

Funny how ''onlyaman'' and ''hadthesnip2'' don't believe in gut feelings. Literally every woman gets it

Indeed @31RueCambon. Perhaps some men feel irritated or annoyed when a woman ends a relationship with another man for something they don’t consider a “ good enough” reason. Almost as if women owe men something.

Goodness, what would the world come to if women were allowed to do things just because they wanted to?!! And without approval from men!

OMFG I bet he was a vampire OP

Any reason is good enough to end a relationship OP.

All this he had a lucky escape nonsense 🙄 Gut feelings pick up on something we cant (or dont want to)

Funny how ''onlyaman'' and ''hadthesnip2'' don't believe in gut feelings. Literally every woman gets it.

Yup.
Not all men are predators - not by a long chalk.
But all women know what it feels like to be prey.
Many men don't get that, 'cos they haven't directly experienced it.

The old saying " if you feel in your gut something or someone is not right believe it , its never wrong thats why we have one its like a sixth sense sensor " always trust it !!!!! A persons actions tell you everything you need to know without the action of words and i always go with how something begins is a true indicator of the end. Be happy !!!!!

Please read The Gift of Fear. That book made me take notice of my gut instinct and saved my life on one specific occasion and uncomfortable situations too many to mention.

Before I read the book, I was saved by a guy in a sticky situation from a group of guys. I thought this guy was really kind to come to my defense and risk himself... anyway he asked for my number, almost immediately once we started texting I felt creeped out. We continued, went on a date... still creeped out. But I think I’m the one with issues and being over sensitive. During the second date I wasn’t drinking and he drank a lot by the end of the evening he confessed to being on the run for beating someone to death in another city.

Needless to say, I wished I had listened to my gut.

Well I’m a bloke and can certainly understand the instant judgement. The only shocking thing as has been said already is that you carried on for a whole 10 weeks after. The eyes are certainly a give away. I can remember when an ex flat mate threatened to kill my female housemate and I unless we got him Rupert Murdoch on the phone he meant it because his eyes were gone (turned out to a schizophrenic who had stopped taking his meds and had been faking going to work for months when he had been made redundant or sacked). Saying that my nephew has a bit of the eye thing but that’s likely to be related his Asbergers.

It seems like you didnt really like him and were relieved to get rid of him

You gave the relationship a chance and felt no different so you left. You were absolutely right to trust your gut, the only reason you are unsure is the fact that all boxes were ticked except for your gut feeling. Believe me when I tell you that you had a lucky escape. I didn't trust my gut and stayed in my situation, believe me when I tell you that I suffered the consequences and was left with post traumatic stress because of his eventual treatment of me.

You saved yourself by trusting your inner voice, you will hear from him again, mark my words. Resist any temptation to meet for a drink. He is expecting you to contact him again. DON'T. Right now he has no hold over you and will eventually go away.

Let me know when he contacts you. Stay strong.