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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To switch off when my friend now complains about being broke

142 replies

speedymama · 01/08/2007 13:16

My friend and her DH both work and have two children with one at nursery.

She complains about the large mortgage on their large 4 bed detached with double garage, the nursery fees, not being able to afford a holiday, can't afford to go out in the evening with her DH and that they can't afford to repay family members money loaned to them.

I was sympathetic, listened attentively, suggested ideas for cheap holidays like 4 nights at Haven (mistake - she prefers Center Parcs) or camping (even bigger mistake)............

They have just bought a brand new car with private number plates.

AIBU to switch off when she starts complaining in future?

OP posts:
hercules1 · 01/08/2007 15:10

THat's another reason we dont want to move out as we know we'll never be able to come back. We are thinking of emigrating though to Canada in a few years so we can have a decent sized property and dh has loads of close family there.

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 15:11

expatinscotland I suppose you are right the wages here are very poor, I would guess very few people earn over £12K a year here. Dp has to commute to get a job that pays over £20K, it is easier for us teachers though.

quiveutmabonnebaguette · 01/08/2007 15:12

we are on a 52 K inome and we are living in a very desirable aera in london, we dont have much money left at the end of the monthbut oh well, it's a choice !

expatinscotland · 01/08/2007 15:12

Long-term we are also seriously looking at emigrating ourselves not just because of house prices but because of the impossibility of finding a house to rent.

Quattrocento · 01/08/2007 15:17

Sorry TSAP. You must miss it.

Original poster
speedymama · 01/08/2007 15:20

EIS, if the housing market enters a down turn as the economists are predicting, renting may become cheaper (hopefully).

OP posts:
maisemor · 01/08/2007 15:28

an income of 50,000 wow, I can only dream of that.

My husband and I had a joint income of £12,000 when we first started dating.

Now with just me working we have an income of £18,000 p.a. I have to pay 2 nursery places (husband has just finished training as a teacher and will FINALLY start work as a teacher 15th August 2007, not that I am counting or anything ) plus our £3,000 debt that we are paying off on and everything else on top of that.

And people say that an income of £50,000 is hard to survive on.

At least we are happy (most of the time) and appreciate the little things that we do have.

But as most people have said, different people, different priorities.

Is she a good friend? Would you friendship stand your brutal honesty? Do you want to risk losing her as a friend?

hercules1 · 01/08/2007 15:31

How can you pay rent/mortgage out of that? We pay 1350 on mortgage a month and renting would be more than this and it's just a small 2 bed house.

maisemor · 01/08/2007 15:35

If it is me you are asking, then we don't pay a mortgage. The bank probably won't give us a mortgage.

We also now the limits my income gives us. We will not start seriously considering buying a house until we have paid off our debt and my husband has been employed for about a year.

That's just life. I mostly live by the saying "if you don't have the money then don't spend".

nogoes · 01/08/2007 15:44

£50k is honestly not a lot of money if you live in the south east.

We manage on an income of £40k and it is really difficult. After the mortgage and commuting costs have been accounted for we are left with £400 per month which has to cover bills, holiday, food, nursery, everything. We can't downsize because we are living in a 2 up 2 down and apartments in this area go for more than houses because they are all executive style.

I would reluctantly move out to ease the pressure but dh is not so keen for the same reasons that Hunker mentioned. It is not always that simple.

Original poster
speedymama · 01/08/2007 15:44

Ooh ladies. What have you made me done?

Received phone call from friend and as always, it is about having no money, this time for holiday as everybody is going away except for her and her family. So I said
"But you have bought a brand new car with private number plates!"

She said "What has that got to do with anything?"

I said "If you can afford a new car you can't be in as much difficulty with money as you are making out?"

She "What's your problem?"

Me "I'm tired of you whinging about your so called money problems which are due to you living beyond your means...."

Interruption by her followed by diatribe of me being jealous of her because I live in an old terrace whilst she lives in a new house and can afford to buy new things blha, blah, blah...

Me "You know what, goodbye".

Put the phone down.

I think that is the end of that friendship and you know what, I feel relieved!

OP posts:
tarantula · 01/08/2007 15:47

Any of you managing on £26k or less living in London in a house you're buying with a mortgage?

Yes we are. and managing pretty ok I think. Aint got loads of money for luxuries but we get by without too much of a problem and I've always thoguth I was pretty crap with money. Depends I guess on what you want/expect out of life I guess.

I know lots of people who whinge that they are broke when what they actually mean is that they cant afford what they want (rather than what they actually need).

expatinscotland · 01/08/2007 15:49

You go, speedy!

You're a star!

Original poster
speedymama · 01/08/2007 15:51

The relief is so palpable I'm smiling. It made me realised how much I had come to dread her telephone calls. She was always inviting me around but I always came up with an excuse not to go, especially in the last few months.

What a relief!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/08/2007 15:53

I think you should celebrate by spending some money .

Nah, have a cuppa tea instead.

Oblomov · 01/08/2007 15:53

God I hate people who moan about being poor. Especially when they clearly aren't. It is all about choice.
We all have a choice as to where we live, whether we have 1 car, sky etc etc.
I find it difficult to accept anyone who argues differently. It may not be easy, but we all have the choice.
The woman doesn't kow how good she has it and seems ... just ungrateful.

LucyJones · 01/08/2007 15:53

excellent
Is she a Mumsnetter?! I assume with all her cash she has broadband?

maisemor · 01/08/2007 15:54

Good for you Speedy!

NineUnlikelyTales · 01/08/2007 15:55

Good for you, she obviously wasn't much of a friend.

Now me, I could put up with any amount of moaning about lack of money whilst living beyond means. Put private number plates? That puts them on the persona non grata list.

berolina · 01/08/2007 15:56

50K would be unimaginable riches to us. We're on a good deal less than half that. But we live in a place with decent housing available for cheap rents (and where renting is actually a realistic option), good, reliable and affordable public transport (so no need for a car), fairly moderate-ish cost of living for most things. (And no, we don't live in the UK). We have a (albeit spacious) two-bed flat, we don't have holidays except to visit relatives/friends, and we don't have expensive gear of any description apart from dh's laptop, but I feel pretty rich. I actually often feel quite extravagant tbh, as we recently bought a second-hand piano, buy mostly organic food and occasionally go out for a coffee. So in our case I think it's a mixture of luck and perspective.

WideWebWitch · 01/08/2007 15:58

Oo err speedy! Sounds like a load off your mind

I love these threads, everyone pretty much discloses their income, which is fascinating if you're a nosypants like me! (I never do but still find it interesting)

Original poster
speedymama · 01/08/2007 15:59

Thinking about it, I think the private number plates was the last straw for me too!

She is not a MNetter and apparently can't afford broadband.

OP posts:
fedupwasherwoman · 01/08/2007 16:00

You know what speedy, you've probably done her a favour.

Hopefully she'll stop and think about her family's spending habits a bit.

nogoes · 01/08/2007 16:01

Personalised number plates are the pits. Very tacky.

Oblomov · 01/08/2007 16:03

See there you go : she can afford private number plates, but not broadband . Proves my point exactly.