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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To switch off when my friend now complains about being broke

142 replies

speedymama · 01/08/2007 13:16

My friend and her DH both work and have two children with one at nursery.

She complains about the large mortgage on their large 4 bed detached with double garage, the nursery fees, not being able to afford a holiday, can't afford to go out in the evening with her DH and that they can't afford to repay family members money loaned to them.

I was sympathetic, listened attentively, suggested ideas for cheap holidays like 4 nights at Haven (mistake - she prefers Center Parcs) or camping (even bigger mistake)............

They have just bought a brand new car with private number plates.

AIBU to switch off when she starts complaining in future?

OP posts:
nutcracker · 01/08/2007 14:01

YANBU

I have a similar friend who was recently in real shit regarding their house because they were so broke.

They got a windfall from bank charges though and she treated herself to a guccii (sp?) necklace and bracelet set.

Tbh I was quite angry, as I had sat with her for hours going over all the different options etc.

They did pay some of their bills off but they could have cleared the whole lot and started again with a clean slate.

nutcracker · 01/08/2007 14:03

They sound very similar to my friends. They have alot of friends with money and so are always trying to keep up with them and at some point it is all gonna catch up with them.

WideWebWitch · 01/08/2007 14:09

£50k isn't that much...

Is her name Rosie Millard? Now SHE'D annoy you!

Original poster
speedymama · 01/08/2007 14:10

Do you also notice that these people only ever talk about themselves? They suck the life out of you if you are not careful.

I'm relieved to see that none of you think that IABU because I feared that I would be accused of being jealous and covetous of their lifestyle which is not the case. In a way, I pity them. DH has no time for them btw.

OP posts:
JudgeyMcJudgeson · 01/08/2007 14:34

Rosie Millard needs a smack in the face.

That woman makes me see red.

I'd love £50k a year. How you view it depends where you're coming from I suppose.

I think average UK income is somewhere between 25-30k so it's well above average.

bossykate · 01/08/2007 14:36

even without the 200 children - i'd say they've got to be living well beyond their means if their joint income is £50k.

bossykate · 01/08/2007 14:37

www, we are of one mind today, i see!

hunkermunker · 01/08/2007 14:41

If the averasge UK income is £27k, say, it's below average - I thought the average was each?

fedupwasherwoman · 01/08/2007 14:42

Did you notice that after that article appeared a couple of years ago Rosie Millard started popping up in the weekend papers writing articles on all sorts of things ?
It was as if all the editors took pity on her plight and commissioned all sorts of articles from her to help her cash flow.

JudgeyMcJudgeson · 01/08/2007 14:42

I thought it was average household income, but I wouldn't trust my brain at mo.

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 14:42

I agree that £50K joint income is not that much, we were constantly broke when that was our joint income but we were not throwing huge parties and living in a 4 bedroomed detached house.

I can remember my mum moaning at me about my complaints about being broke when our joint income was about that after we had just thrown what looked like a big party for dd - I think there were about 35 kids - so not on her scale. But in reality it was cheap as we did everything ourselves.

I do think they are living beyond their means though as we can't afford a new car and we take camping holidays - although we are about to go to Florida. But people do spend their money if different ways so I might moan that we can't have any more children as there is no room but that is because we are about to pay out for school fees so can't get a bigger mortgage.

WideWebWitch · 01/08/2007 14:45

BK we are indeed!

I can't feel sorry for Rosie Millard, she's only got to sell a house and she wipes out her poxy (cmpared to net worth) £20k debt.

JudgeyMcJudgeson · 01/08/2007 14:46

I'm sorry but if you are constantly broke on a 50k income then you are shite at managing money. At least 50% of the population live on half that.

50k might not seem like a fortune to some, but it is to others. It might not buy you the world, but it can get you security.

Some people cannot help getting into debt, but I have little sympathy for those who live beyond their means.

bozza · 01/08/2007 14:49

I don't think 50K is huge www, but the point is that this woman has expectations that are not in line with that income. FWIW when our joint income was 50K we had a 4 bed detached, but it was a small one not a large one, single garage, not much land etc, and in Yorkshire, and DH was horrified with me for inviting 20 children to a party.

WideWebWitch · 01/08/2007 14:51

Oh I agree she sounds shite at managing money.
And her expectations vs her incme are obv skewed, I don't disagree with anyone on that.

JudgeyMcJudgeson · 01/08/2007 14:53

I don't know how people manage to live deliberately beyond their means. I would be too terrified to eat/sleep/enjoy the stuff I had.

expatinscotland · 01/08/2007 14:54

I wouldn't just switch off, I'd tell her to her face she was putting me off.

Original poster
speedymama · 01/08/2007 14:54

My brother is unemployed at the moment (married, 4 children) and would love a job paying £20k.

I guess it is all down to personal expectations and dare I say it, to what some feel they are entitled.

OP posts:
SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 01/08/2007 14:55

ok, so if 50k isnt much as a household income how come me and my dh are managing 2 kids and both of us on 26k?!?!

and we managed one child on 18k

Original poster
speedymama · 01/08/2007 14:55

EIS, I'm usually forthright but I would need dutch courage to do that

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 14:55

"I'm sorry but if you are constantly broke on a 50k income then you are shite at managing money"

At the time we were looking at we were closer to 45K.

Pehaps I have never claimed to be great at managing money but it is not easy when you have a new mortgage to pay, solicitors fees to pay, nursery fees, medical bills ( not private health as such but i suffer from depression and there is no counselling here that I could get on NHS) petrol to work, petrol to visit and look after aging parents, bills etc. Dp and I were discussing back then how broke we both were and how we coped.

hunkermunker · 01/08/2007 14:57

Any of you managing on £26k or less living in London in a house you're buying with a mortgage?

No, thought not.

bozza · 01/08/2007 14:59

It is not always about London though is it?

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 01/08/2007 14:59

hunker, thats what we're on, but we're moving out of london soon to afford a bigger property!

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 14:59

We have coped on about that too SleeplessInTheStaceym11House but we were helped then with things like tax credits.

Our time on the salary mentioned before also came at an expensive period for us as I was paying solicitors fees for the divorce, we were and still are carfing for and supporting elderely parents, paying two lots of student loans, paying full nursery fees trying to settle in a new house that needed work doing.

THese sorts of threads always end in a row and someone claiming to live on a fiver a week before tax.