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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To switch off when my friend now complains about being broke

142 replies

speedymama · 01/08/2007 13:16

My friend and her DH both work and have two children with one at nursery.

She complains about the large mortgage on their large 4 bed detached with double garage, the nursery fees, not being able to afford a holiday, can't afford to go out in the evening with her DH and that they can't afford to repay family members money loaned to them.

I was sympathetic, listened attentively, suggested ideas for cheap holidays like 4 nights at Haven (mistake - she prefers Center Parcs) or camping (even bigger mistake)............

They have just bought a brand new car with private number plates.

AIBU to switch off when she starts complaining in future?

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 01/08/2007 15:00

Well, no.

But it's not always about being shite with money either.

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 15:01

There is no way we oculd afford to live in London and we earn more than the £50K joint income - I do wonder how normal people do manage to live in LOndon.

I ahve done it before but only in shared accomodation or when I had a much higher income.

Quattrocento · 01/08/2007 15:01

EXACTLY HUNKER!

We are flat broke and objectively speaking, earn lots ... either we are totally useless at managing money (unlikely - DH a Yorkshireman) OR it's because we live in London.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 01/08/2007 15:01

twinset, i can understand that, we're about to move so will be doing all those things, im dreading it!!

and dont start me on tax credits, wish they'd just give me my money when they're supposed to!!! grrrr!

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 15:02

Why don't you leave London then?

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 01/08/2007 15:03

twinset, not always as simple as leaving london, the places that are cheaper dont have jobs. luckily my dh has been offered a job in nottingham, so soon we'll be off!!!

JudgeyMcJudgeson · 01/08/2007 15:03

the majority of people don't live in london though.

You don't need to own a house.

Not everybody living in London has a household income of £50k.

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 15:03

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House the first two years were a nightmare, we relied on a lot of family help but now things are fine,

hercules1 · 01/08/2007 15:03

We live in London, have a 2 bed house and earn quite a bit over 50k but cannot afford to buy a 3 bed place or holidays abroad.

expatinscotland · 01/08/2007 15:03

We live on £19K all four of us in the 3rd most expensive city in the UK!

Quattrocento · 01/08/2007 15:03

That's easier said than done TSAP. It's mostly to do with the nature of our jobs and the (lack of) transferability of our skills. And I love London anyway. It's just expensive, that's all.

OrmIrian · 01/08/2007 15:04

Whenever she starts answer her with ..."but you just bought that lovely new car". Everytime. Until she gets so fed up with you she stops whining.

And at the risk of sounding like a whinger.... I'd love to have a 50K income. We'd be in clover. Truly.

JudgeyMcJudgeson · 01/08/2007 15:05

are holidays abroad the measure of whether or not you're broke

I can't afford holidays full stop. I'm going on holiday cos someone else is paying. I don't consider myself broke.

Argue whatever you like but for a lot of people £50k is a lot of money. Most survive on less, alot less.

hunkermunker · 01/08/2007 15:07

Because we work in London, TSAP.

And the boys have their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousin and friends here.

If we upped sticks, we'd be no better off because we'd have to find new jobs, pay for childcare and have no family around.

The boys know their extended family very well, because I think it's important. We rely on their grandparents for childcare and are lucky to be able to do so (yes, I know this). It works both ways - my MIL has often said how heartbroken she'd be if we moved away and she couldn't see the boys as often.

It's not as simple as "well, if London's expensive, just move".

expatinscotland · 01/08/2007 15:07

No, we deffo don't own a house/flat.

Private number plates.

Snurk.

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 15:07

I know it is not easy but I left London when I could not afford it. In some ways I regret it, there a re few people who loved living in London as much as I did. I will never be able to afford to move back and I have ended up living in a cultural hell hole which I despise most if the time but it is all that we can afford.

tortoiseSHELL · 01/08/2007 15:07

50k isn't that much, and I agree it all depends where you're living. Our monthly outgoings on mortgage/pension etc top 2k (and we were VERY lucky when we bought our house - it's an ordinary 4 bed semi in niceish area, but NO way could we afford it now), and although dh doesn't earn 50k it's not a million miles from what he DOES earn. We find there is very little left over at the end of each month - there are things we could cut down on, but not big things iyswim - we can't afford a holiday this year, only run one (very) economical car etc.

But it does sound like this lady is stretching herself too far.

tortoiseSHELL · 01/08/2007 15:08

Oh and we're not in London btw.

hercules1 · 01/08/2007 15:08

THere are lots of reasons why we live in London e.g family here who help tremendously with childcare, our jobs, children settled in school/nursery which are very good and mixed race family.

Quattrocento · 01/08/2007 15:08

TSAP you monkey! You made a lifestyle choice you are ambivalent about and ask why we don't all do the same!

Monkey!

Original poster
speedymama · 01/08/2007 15:08

My friend use to live in a large 3 bed house semi with garage, gardens and very comfortable mortgage. They then became afflicted with aspirations of grandeur, got an executive detached with a 35 year mortgage plus borrowings from family whilst at the same time having to pay two lots of nursery fees.

There was no need for it.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/08/2007 15:08

'It's not as simple as "well, if London's expensive, just move". '

No, definitely not, because what a lot of people fail to realise - astoundingly - is that wages in so many of these 'cheap' places are in the toilet OR it's very hard to find full-time work at all without long commutes that end up putting up your cost of living.

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 15:09

I can see if you have family in London, although I left just about everyone I knew when I lived in London. It is just sour grapes from me I suppose as I would love to move back and their is no way I could afford to. I am actually getting quite upset as I type this as I miss London so much.

twinsetandpearls · 01/08/2007 15:10

Quattrocento I am not ambivalent i am might pissed of, I just want others to share in my misery.

hunkermunker · 01/08/2007 15:10

Aw, TSAP I'd also be heartbroken to leave London - it's in my blood, innit