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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He back in contact. You were all correct.

78 replies

Fastcarfiend · 29/07/2019 11:50

I posted some weeks ago about a close male friend ghosting me out of the blue. Well he stopped texting me personally having ususally sent multiple texts most days. He still posts to a shared work group. I posted here as I was bewildered and hurt. I needed advice and perspective and got it from here . He has a girlfriend who found out about his level of messaging and probably told him to stop.
Recently he has started back in personal contact.justmemes, interesting posts that he knows I would like.You all said that this would happen.i can’t understand why he would bother . I do not know for certain that he stopped the personal contact because he was asked to or if my friendship was not needed anymore but I was damned hurt and am afraid that I will be reeled right back in again as we work together here and there so absolute no contact is virtually impossible.
What’s going on in his mind now in your opinion?

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 29/07/2019 11:52

I remember your original thread and thought you were more invested for just a friend?

I have lots of friends who I don’t speak to for weeks, then we text and it’s just like normal.

This would only bother me if I had feelings for them.

Shoxfordian · 29/07/2019 11:53

He likes to know you're an option.
Can you block his personal number? Just respond at work to messages about work.

Jemima232 · 29/07/2019 11:54

Have you got feelings for him?

You're married, aren't you. I would steer clear of this before you wreck your relationship with your DH.

frazzledasarock · 29/07/2019 11:55

Block him on your personal media. Block him on work mobiles he’ll still show up on the group chats.

Respond to only work related emails and then be businesslike.

Sounds like he’s bored, and wants to keep you hanging on.

OpheliaTodd · 29/07/2019 11:56

Who cares? Honestly I can’t be arsed with trying to “work people out”. It’s boring. Get a life and some decent friends who don’t play childish mind games.

Ginger1982 · 29/07/2019 11:56

God not this again. You need to take a massive step back here and ignore him!

RosaWaiting · 29/07/2019 11:57

who cares? just leave it. he's up to no good, possibly in any number of ways, but why work it out? Unless you are being paid to do a research study?

Original poster
Fastcarfiend · 29/07/2019 11:58

Thanks.To set it straight from the beginning , there are no romantic feelings on either side now but as I said in my previous post , he was inappropriate and did push boundaries at times. He struggled with being too intense and verbally inappropriate but we spoke about it and it ended . Now and then he will drop an inappropriate comment that any man on a relationship
Should not be passing to a woman in a relationship .I call him out on it and it stops again.It was the friendship that I was hurt about and would have thought that I would feel like this with all my close friendships as it’s terrible hurtful and confusing .

OP posts:
MyFokMarelize · 29/07/2019 12:01

Have you name changed for this post? Confused

Jemima232 · 29/07/2019 12:01

You're just enjoying the drama by the sound of things.

Just block him and ignore.

Why are you so interested anyway?

AnyFucker · 29/07/2019 12:02

It has all been said on your last thread. What is it you want people to say ?

Ice him right off. It's perfectly possible to do so even if you work together. You just don't want to and it is clear that you have been getting something out of these little dramaz all along.

Harpingon · 29/07/2019 12:02

As before you are both being inappropriate, block him and move on with your life.

Fairenuff · 29/07/2019 12:02

He ghosted you. Let him go. Ignore his messages, he will soon stop.

thecatsthecats · 29/07/2019 12:05

It has all been said on your last thread.

Yup, as well as 'stop being so invested, block him, this is inappropriate, why do you care so much?'

We were right about the rest, OP, how about taking some of those messages in?

WizardOfAus · 29/07/2019 12:05

Yawn

QualCheckBot · 29/07/2019 12:05

You sound obsessed and in denial. Its a very strange dynamic. Who really cares that much about some man sending them silly messages? Why on earth don't you find men who send those dumb meme things to keep women at their beck and call really irritating like most of us do? How low is your self esteem that you have to get so worked over this level of contact?

Original poster
Fastcarfiend · 29/07/2019 12:06

Yes I’ve name changed for another post. I’m interested because he is one of a very small circle of close friends in my life. I was extremely hurt and missed him in my life as with all good friends, he brought a lot to my life. It was a shock to be treated like this and I don’t know how to handle it. It was the first time a friend ever stopped contact like that . I’m not enjoying drama @jemima232. I’m hurt and confused like I would be with any close friend of ten years .

OP posts:
Jemima232 · 29/07/2019 12:07

What's going on in your marriage?

Isatis · 29/07/2019 12:09

Just block and ignore him, don't give him the power to hurt you. Forget about him and get on with your life.

Original poster
Fastcarfiend · 29/07/2019 12:10

I’m very happily married for the last 18 years . I have kids. That’s about all. My
Marriage is entirely separate to my friendships .

OP posts:
Jemima232 · 29/07/2019 12:12

You could ask your husband's advice.

Jemima232 · 29/07/2019 12:15

If he was inappropriate and pushed boundaries before, then you need to keep him out of your life, OP.

Don't risk your marriage.

Original poster
Fastcarfiend · 29/07/2019 12:16

I’ve spoken to my husband about this. He thinks that his girlfriend has given him
An ultimatum as he has plenty of female friends and he has said that she doesn’t
Like this. He thinks that he must not have been as good a friend as I thought if he can just stop contact so fast and thinks he needs a dose of his own medicine .

OP posts:
lurkingfromhome · 29/07/2019 12:16

You know, if I have any minor issues with friends in my life, or anything else for that matter, I talk to my husband about them. He knows me better than anyone and is a wise old soul, and I trust his opinions and judgement, so he's the obvious person to discuss all the shit going on in my life.

I suggest you do the same and see if your husband has any insights into how best to deal with this.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 29/07/2019 12:17

It has all been said on your last thread.

Yup, as well as 'stop being so invested, block him, this is inappropriate, why do you care so much?'

We were right about the rest, OP, how about taking some of those messages in?

THIS. It's getting tiresome now. You are very clearly not only invested in him as a good friend.