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Original poster

He back in contact. You were all correct.

78 replies

Fastcarfiend · 29/07/2019 11:50

I posted some weeks ago about a close male friend ghosting me out of the blue. Well he stopped texting me personally having ususally sent multiple texts most days. He still posts to a shared work group. I posted here as I was bewildered and hurt. I needed advice and perspective and got it from here . He has a girlfriend who found out about his level of messaging and probably told him to stop.
Recently he has started back in personal contact.justmemes, interesting posts that he knows I would like.You all said that this would happen.i can’t understand why he would bother . I do not know for certain that he stopped the personal contact because he was asked to or if my friendship was not needed anymore but I was damned hurt and am afraid that I will be reeled right back in again as we work together here and there so absolute no contact is virtually impossible.
What’s going on in his mind now in your opinion?

OP posts:
GetOffTheTableMabel · 29/07/2019 13:05

I don’t think you’re lying, delusional or in denial. I think you’re immature. This entire thing reads like something a year 9 teenage drama.

KatherineJaneway · 29/07/2019 13:10

What’s going on in his mind now in your opinion?

It doesn't matter though does it. Your decision needs to be 'He treated me like shit, do I reconnect with him as a friend and forgive him or do I block him as there is every chance he will do it again or something similar?'

Personally I'd block him. A good friend would have told you about any ultimatum his gf gave them not simply dropped you like a hot potato.

IncrediblySadToo · 29/07/2019 13:30

You could do something novel & try talking to him

Just a thought.

sonjadog · 29/07/2019 13:53

There is only one way to know what is going through someone's mind and that is to ask them. They still might not tell you, but it is as close as you will get. That is how you can find out why he is doing what he is doing. You will probably find out that the reason has nothing at all to do with you. People seldom effect other people's moods as much as they think they do.

SavingSpaces2019 · 29/07/2019 13:54

he's just reeling you back in.
he stopped the phone contact because his gf told him to and he continued making inappropriate remarks to you in person.
You tell him top stop and he does for a bit and then starts again.

He's not your friend.
He doesn't respect your boundaries.
Block him from your personal phone and stick to work contact only.

dottiedodah · 29/07/2019 14:06

This man is enjoying playing fast and loose with you Im afraid!.He probably has been told to stop texting you by his GF but wants the" thrill" of being able to chat with you.He is not very nice by the seems of it .I would block him and see if you can get some nicer friends !

loobyloo1234 · 29/07/2019 14:11

Why are you so invested in this OP? Everyone will say the same as they did on your last thread Hmm

'No romantic feelings' ... who are you trying to convince?

Oblomov19 · 29/07/2019 14:12

How old is OP? How long has she been working?
I know some Year 9's!!

Senseofself1 · 29/07/2019 14:24

Why do people give out such hate on these threads?

1forAll74 · 29/07/2019 14:33

I have never heard anything so ridiculous as this, and I don't know any backstory at all. How could any woman be so confused and hurt about something trivial like this?

QualCheckBot · 29/07/2019 14:35

Senseofself1 Why do people give out such hate on these threads?

Do you also inhabit a Taylor Swift song? Talking common sense to someone who is suffering from delusions isn't "giving out hate", its trying to give a sense of perspective to a quite ridiculous situation.

Do you think that whenever you have been constructively criticised, you have been "given hate?" How does that work for you in work, education, etc?

15YemenRoad · 29/07/2019 14:37

You are beyond invested in this and it is unreasonable for a married woman to be this bothered. How would you feel if your husband was so hung up over a friendship with another female?

Keep your contact minimal and stop trying to figure him out, he's not your responsibility. His girlfriend was likely to be frustrated with the contact because you two were taking the piss and blurring lines. Take this now as an opportunity to disengage and focus your energy on those that truly matter.

EerieSilence · 29/07/2019 14:54

Sorry but it sounds like you are relishing the drama and feel complimented by the increased interest instead of being put off.
I certainly wouldn't want to be friendly with someone who is constantly overstepping boundaries. It's disrespectful to your partners too.

sweetiepie1979 · 29/07/2019 14:58

Sounds like your bored in life and you like the Drama

longwayoff · 29/07/2019 14:59

You sound as if you're enjoying playtime so you don't need advice do you? What is it you want from MN? Permission? Encouragement? What?

Cosentyx · 29/07/2019 15:30

Grow up. Block him on everything.

Tistheseason17 · 29/07/2019 16:13

I am confused as to why this is even a new thread.
If you are not interested in him romantically, what is stopping you from just ignoring him? Why does it bother you soooo much? Odd.

WillLokireturn · 29/07/2019 17:07

@Fastcarfiend
I don't think there's anything dishonest or drama about your post. He was a close male neutral friend. I have several and they are important to me, the same as my girlie friends are. I have an ex who I dated for only 2 months who is one of my closest male friends and he's lovely. He and I ar sporadically in touch sometimes for months we see a lot of each other (1-2x week) sometimes not for a few months with the odd catch up whatsapps. I've known him 8 years and he's very funny.

I had another close male friendship (I was in a relationship he wasnt at the start then he dated) and we were like brother and sister and our kids got on like a house in fire.

He ghosted me after 3 years when one of his relationships went serious. He was like part of our family, got in well with my parents and sis and his girls too (& my kids) we used to go camping together each year and kids would.camo out together in the garden. We cut it down when his relationship was serious but still met up partners invited etc.

Ultimately his gf got jealous and sent me some confusing messages (I think she was drunk) so even though by then we only had BBQs and houseparties /kids playdates when she could come, so she didn't feel.left out, he still suddenly ghosted. His ex wife even texted me to ask why kids didn't see us anymore and I had to say IDK, think it's something to do with gf (of 8 months by then).

It really hurt as was so unneccessary. So I get op's hurt , that's not drama that's suddenly losing an important friend. It'd have been easy to just catch up every now and then, but after his ex-wife kicking up a stink as her kids were upset at not seeing mine (I didn't know ex-wife) he told me his gf thought he shouldn't have female friends as "he had her now".
They've since married. My bf had no problems with him and me nattering in kitchen and kids playing in garden together. It was hard at the time , took me about 6 months to get over, despite having other friends it was a new experience as no girlie friend has ended a great close friendship like that because of a jealous partner.

WillLokireturn · 29/07/2019 17:11

(there was nothing inappropriate about any of my friendships with opposite sex, men and women can be neutral friends too)

Loopytiles · 29/07/2019 17:14

Doesn’t matter WHY he’s messaging, if you’d already decided to end the friendship due to his actions. Just ignore!

A “friend” who makes sexual advances/ comments, v frequently messages but ghosts you is not a friend to keep in touch with.

MRex · 29/07/2019 17:23

Since when was being a few weeks out of contact "ghosting"? I've gone longer than that without speaking with my mum. You saw work messages, so you knew he was safe. It looks like you're massively over-invested in this relationship and that's starting to come across as obsessive. What's best is to be honest about your feelings, at least to yourself. I have plenty of male friends, a jokey suggestive remark usually means absolutely nothing. Friends can let chat lapse for a few months, even years in some cases where distance is involved, and then just pick up again. He isn't your DH, he's just a mate, so you need to tone down the emotional investment and expectations accordingly.

iwunderwhy · 29/07/2019 17:30

Totally agree @Drogosnextwife ... Strange, I have read so many threads where a woman is uncomfortable with her dh having a very close female friend that they do a hobby with, text... and the woman is told to get over it ...and that she's a paranoid control freak

But OP you'd be wise to learn your lesson here that this frenemie has ghosted you before & you were hurt so obviously it will be worse 2nd time around.

WillLokireturn · 29/07/2019 17:32

Oh, I agree with this
I have plenty of male friends, a jokey suggestive remark usually means absolutely nothing. Friends can let chat lapse for a few months, even years in some cases where distance is involved, and then just pick up again

I've never doubted my male friends intentions nor mine.

AngelsSins · 29/07/2019 18:24

Can you explain why you’re so hurt that he went quiet on you for a few weeks? It’s perfectly normal behaviour for friends to have lapses in contact, especially when they’re in a new relationship and wrapped up in the excitement of it.

If his behaviour hurt you, and you think you’re justified in being hurt, then why not tell him? You’ve been good friends for 10 years so surely you can talk to him about anything?

alittlerayofsunshine · 29/07/2019 19:49

@AnyFucker

Haven't heard 'daft as a brush' for years. Smile

Grin My gran used to say it! It's a fairly old Northern saying to call someone silly! Grin

You probz know that though! Smile 😘