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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD3’s curly hair becoming matted, dry, rough

108 replies

IAmJustSoTired · 29/07/2019 11:05

AIBU to think something is going seriously wrong with my daughter’s hair and that it shouldn’t be THIS bad?!

She has curly/wavy hair. It starts off straight but falls into curls and waves. It used to be beautiful, shiny and soft but for the past few months is turning into a mess.

The picture attached shows her hair when I opened her (loose) bun after she woke up in the morning. It is completely matted, dry and tangled.

When she bathed, I shampoo and condition it. It looks great for one day, then reverts back to being a mess.

If it helps, she also suffers from nits - they come and go but we treat them every time she gets them (from family members who refuse to treat their kids heads properly!!!) but still, I feel like the constant medication might have taken a toll on her hair.

Should I chop off her hair?
Is there a product that could help?
Any tips for girls with curly-ish hair?
What can I do to help my daughter because it’s horrible seeing her upset when we end up inevitably spraying detangling spray all over and trying to run a brush through the matted mess Sad her hair used to be so lovely and now it’s just a mess! I feel like cutting it and starting over.

DD3’s curly hair becoming matted, dry, rough
OP posts:
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9
AnnonniMoose · 29/07/2019 11:54

Tresseme has just brought out a curly hair shampoo and conditioner - it's wonderful and leaves hair feeling super soft and tangle free Grin. I use it on my own curly hair as well.

And using satin pillowcases really helps too - reduces the friction of hair rubbing on pillow.

IAmJustSoTired · 29/07/2019 11:56

This Denman tangle brush has been mentioned a few times now. It’s just under £8 at Boots so I may give it a try.

@AnnonniMoose
Your daughter has gorgeous hair! Absolutely beautiful, bless her, must be tough to keep it looked after but I guess practice has made you perfect!

Thank you @Blahblahblahnanana and other PPs for the tips. So far I’ve realised some things I’ve been doing massively wrong:

  1. No more brushing her dry curls!!!!! No matter how terrible it looks, I’ll be using watered down spray conditioner or similar from now on.
  1. No towel drying! Cotton shirt from now on, if I must.
  1. Buy better hair products. And definitely cutting down on shampoo, I am CRINGING at how much shampoo I used to use even though we only wash her hair maximum twice a week, usually once (rest of the time she has a body wash).
  1. May go all-out and buy a silk pillow case for her too! I’m sure my DP will have a right hoot at that one but I want to make up for my uselessness with her hair Grin
OP posts:
Pleasegodgotosleep · 29/07/2019 12:06

My lg is exactly the same! We -

  • only wash with conditioner, leave it in for a few minutes playtime before rinsing
  • only wash c3 times a week - bath every night but not hair
  • only brush when wet with a wide toothed comb not a brush
  • no hair dryer ever!!!
  • refresh in the morning by spraying with watered down conditioner then brush with comb
CatalogueUniverse · 29/07/2019 12:12

Yes yes yes to never brushing when dry. Spray conditioner then plait it at bedtime.

Tbh if frequent nits I’d be plaiting all the time.

Wet brushes (branded) are amazing and loved by all here with really thick long wavy to curly hair. Tangle teezers were great for toddler hair but don’t go through ours as too thick.

Jeremybearimybaby · 29/07/2019 12:20

Get the silk pillowcase! My hair is 3b (3c and 4s tend to be POC, but not necessarily) and it's the best money you'll ever spend. Curls are hard work, but you've had great advice here.
Just be aware SSS from Avon has alcohol in it, so may dry out her hair more. You can buy it direct www.avon.uk.com/product/306-354-5072/toiletries/skin-so-soft/skin-so-soft-original-dry-oil-spray

HippyChickMama · 29/07/2019 12:22

I use a wide toothed comb on dd's curly hair but only ever while it's got conditioner on. I plait it for bed and that helps with the tangles, I just separate the curls in the morning with my fingers and a bit of leave in conditioner spray.

GreenTulips · 29/07/2019 12:27

Tangle teezer is from boots but others stock it
The SSS is great for the nits - so would still recommend until you are clear.

Tea tree oil is available in chemists at around £3 a bottle - this is what they put in the expensive ‘shampoos they keep lice at bay’ so saves some money

AnnonniMoose · 29/07/2019 12:28

Oh, and another tip for the headlice - instead of using chemical treatments, try Listerine - the original brown one unless you want tinted hair. Soak the hair in it, put a shower cap on and leave for 30-60 minutes. It does contain alcohol which kills the lice, but is much less damaging than chemicals (and cheaper), and much more effective at killing lice. And your hair smells minty fresh for a few days 😂😂😂.

BeautifulBlackBamboo · 29/07/2019 12:35

Mine has identical hair to yours. I have straight tangle free hair so it was a rather steep learning curve for me.

Apart from CG method from which you cN choose what works for you here's my best practices:

  1. Never ever comb/brush, only hands detangle
  2. Argan oil every single day in copious amounts
  3. Loads of conditioner, minimum/zero shampoo
  4. Nits love this hair type so always tied up & plaited unless she is home with us.
  5. Never ever miss oiling/detangling any single day

It gets better & you will figure out what's working...

BeautifulBlackBamboo · 29/07/2019 12:36

And also don't cut it short, longer gives weight which is helpful.

MitziK · 29/07/2019 12:40

DD1 has thick, wavy hair, curly when she was a baby had no hair to speak of for five years and I got the best advice from a woman who ran a store selling Afro and European beauty products.

She said that I should treat her hair more like natural Afro hair than European, even though it fairly obviously wasn't (bright red) and -

Condition every day with an extremely light, well diluted conditioner, mixing it with water in my hand before applying it a bit at a time.

Sleep in a French plait.

Take it out each morning, spray it with a light, oil in water, product and then take tangles out by laying the ends of the hair in my hand and just detangling the last inch before working backwards to her scalp.

Put it back in a French plait for school to avoid nits being able to get to her scalp - they'd only be able to reach around her ears, etc, by the time she got home, so I'd only have to worry about them there, rather than having to do the whole head.

Tea tree oil is too drying. Use Lavender and drop 5 drops around her crown, forehead, ears and nape of neck, give it 2 minutes and they'd all run to the surface.

Never use nit shampoos/products. If any emerged from the Lavender oil, soak it, add diluted conditioner and go back to the combing through just an inch at a time.

Use a very light, pure shampoo, not a greasy/super moisturising one, as she needed a clean scalp, but the conditioner would stop it becoming a problem. Use it by putting a bit on my fingers and gently put directly onto the roots, rather than applying to the hair and hoping it reached there through rubbing hard/adding tons.

Wrap a towel around and squeeze dry, never rub dry.

Do it every day, as it only took missing one day for the loose hair to mix up and for it to start to dread.

Her hair looked great once I started that and I never needed to deal with a full scale nit invasion again.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 29/07/2019 13:56

Vinegar and listerine for nits. The only thing that worked for my 4 children. Stay away from other family members who cant get rid of it or make sure to keep your daughters hair up when exposed.

Andysbestadventure · 29/07/2019 14:04

Cut it way shorter to get rid of the damaged hair. Use Cantu and Cantu curl creme if you can. Follow the curly girl method. DO NOT brush her hair out unless it's covered in slippy conditioner if you can ever avoid it. Get her a silk pillowcase or if she feels like being one of the old country Waltons, one of the silk hair caps to sleep in.

Isleepinahedgefund · 29/07/2019 14:05

It's the bit treatment. I have the same problem with my DD's very long curly ringlets. Have her hair cut regularly as the nit combing ruins the ends an bad ends makes more matted hair - this makes a huge difference. Use leave in conditioner. Don't let her sleep with her hair down - put it in plaits before bed.

Bane of my life - can't wait until she can look after it herself!!

Isleepinahedgefund · 29/07/2019 14:07

Oh and only brush through when wet with conditioner. I found hairdressers with curly hair and honestly they were like social services for us! Highly recommend searching around for one.

Andysbestadventure · 29/07/2019 14:07

Oh also OP you can use a microfibre towel to scrunch like the cotton tshirt :) they help dry it super fast and nonfrizz like a normal towel.

MsTSwift · 29/07/2019 14:09

Get an Afro comb. Tangle teasers hopeless they are for fine hair.
Only wash every 3 days longer if looks ok.
Use shampoo for dry or damaged hair
Use loads of conditioner then go through with Afro comb then nit comb.

We are not mixed race that we know of but dh and dd1 hair like Afro hair.

Ohyesiam · 29/07/2019 14:12

Yes, I can attest that having curly hair is a lifestyle in Itself, or maybe even a Mumsnet hobby.
All that has been said, plus when you do occasionally brush it, go from the bottom down & work up.

TheJoxter · 29/07/2019 14:13

Look into the curly girl method, there’s a Facebook page called something like ‘CG kids’ which might help. I found the thing that makes the most difference is applying a leave-in conditioner while the hair is still soaking wet after being washed.

Bobbiepin · 29/07/2019 14:23

I know PP suggested it but curly ellie products are amazing. I'm not sure if they are CG friendly but it's fantastic. At the moment I only use the leave in conditioner on my DD but a quick wet brush, a squeeze of that and scrunch drying leaves her with beautiful curls. I just run my fingers through between washes.

HMArsey · 29/07/2019 14:23

DD has identical hair to your DD's, OP. Here's what worked for us, it's been life changing!

A few inches off to reduce breakages, rough damaged hair tangles more easily.

Wash and condition with silicone free shampoo. DD's hair also begins straight then curls, and not shampooing doesn't work for her, her hair isn't coarse enough.
Brush hair twice a day but only after spraying with either of these products: Maui spray or Shea spray.

DD uses this brush, or this one if she's brushing it in the shower.

Somehow the added moisture and the frequent brushing are stopping more tangles building. She's able to have hair in a style that's not plaits for the first time in her life! Grin

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 29/07/2019 14:24

I have thick curly hair and controversially I do use shampoo, but an sls free shampoo bar, and loads of conditioner. Garnier hair food is sls free and can be used as a mask. You can wash her hair, put the conditioner on then let her play in the bath for a bit before combing then rinsing. Always use running water from a shower not water from the bath with bubbles etc in. Argan or coconut oil on wet hair then plaited overnight is a good intensive treatment. Get a wet hair brush (tangle teasers are only really good on fairly fine hair) . Never ever use a hair dryer, let it dry naturally, hanging loose. You might need to invest in some finishing serum or argan/coconut oil to refresh. My hair is in really good condition and if I put it in a bun and went to bed it wouldn't look any better than your daughter's. If I go to bed with my hair down I wake up looking like Russell brand on a bad hair day, plaits are her friend. Also agree with getting a plant sprayer and filling with a little conditioner and water for morning damping and management. You'll get used to it, straight haired women have no idea what we go through!

megletthesecond · 29/07/2019 14:27

My middle aged curls have never been happier since I started using Cantu and Mixed Chicks products. More expensive to purchase but I don't need so much product and they last for ages. I can shampoo every day with them.

Never touch it with a hairdryer and only brush when wet.

User12879923378 · 29/07/2019 14:30

I also have curly hair that tends to be dry-ish.

  • no brushing at all, combing only with wide-toothed comb and when conditioner in
  • Don't wash conditioner out! Use a slightly lighter one than recommended, leave it in, wrap in a towel and dry naturally
  • you can use a lightish conditioner to finger-curl hair into spirals whilst wet which will help it curl. Wash the conditioner out and replace every shower.
  • don't shampoo more than once or twice a week.

You could also massage a little (only a little!) Argan oil or similar into the ends after shampoo but before conditioner.

User12879923378 · 29/07/2019 14:31

Oh, and I had to accept that my hair wasn't going to be waist-length. There's a length below which it just starts to split no matter how well-conditioned it is.

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