To be too fat to do fun things

[Ribrabrob]

I'm ashamed to say that I've got very fat. I used to be slim but after a few years of secret binge eating, it's caught up with me. My thighs are huge, my bum massive and my stomach as well (not self pittying, merely just the truth!). Sadly it's stopped me enjoying life and making me anxious.

I'm in a fairly new relationship with somebody who I like but is very active and slim. He suggests fun things such as a theme park, visiting Paris for a short weekend, going to the zoo and I keep making excuses because I'm just too fat and lazy to walk around and I can't relax thinking how I must look to other people. It's also making me avoid intimacy.

I'm ashamed of how I've become and I feel embarrassed that I can't be like a normal person - I'm in my twenties so I shouldn't be embarrassed to go to a theme park incase my bum is too big for the seat.

Despite all this I still don't have the motivation to lose weight, I don't know what to do.

I'm ridiculous, aren't I? Please, talk some sense into me!

I was the same as you .. now I’ve gone down from a size 16 to a 12/10 and have more confidence.

But I think my insecurity was a massive turn off for men and I’m still trying to gain more confidence. So please don’t let it ruin your relationship.

Are you still eating too much? Because you can still eat the same food by starting to eat less and less of it and incorporating healthier food in ... then it doesn’t seem so sudden and you’ll stick to it more.

Op your not fat you have fat. Instead of losing weight why don't you reframe it. Your trying to live longer, want a better quality of life, avoiding diabetes, taking care of your joints ect. Do you not think you deserve these things? Would counselling help? Explore your relationship with food.

Also all the things you've described are they really not possible or is there more to it? Neck a coffee to keep you going, plenty of sit downs to break up activity. Everyone's got to start somewhere but you have to be ready to change. I'm a size 16, don't know how this compares to your size but I'm relatively fit, do a lot of hiking, gym dancing ect I just don't shy away from seconds. Still have weight to lose and I'm getting there very slowly. In the mean time though I still live life. Is weight an excuse to not do things?

Without knowing your size and weight it's hard to say?

If you are genuinely very over weight, then do something about it,. Get some advice and follow an exercise and meal plan.

If you've just put on a few pounds but are generally healthy weight, get on with it, get out there and do all the fun things!

Whether you are or not is not the issue. The issue is that you feel this way and, I suppose, not much will make you feel otherwise.
Life is not a dress rehearsal though. Do all the things.

How fat are you talking? I am fat but I would go to the zoo and on city breaks etc. I wouldn't go to a theme park but that's because I don't like them not because I am too fat. Just get up and go to these places. Don't miss out on having fun.

I avoid things because of my weight. I have binge eating disorder and tend to fluctuate a lot.
I've got much better at doing things anyway but I'm not sure what the overall answer is.

I think you should see your GP

Do the things anyway. There are bound to be fatter people than you doing exactly those things.

How small do you want to make your life?

See your GP.
You need help with the eating and your very low self esteem.
But I think you should enjoy this person. Look around you, the real world isn’t full of perfect people. And even the ones who look perfect rarely are.

You are overweight. Sorry but you are. As a Binger, slimming world will offer a short term answer but if your health is affected, as I did, consider going abroad for surgery. I spent my 20s and 30s hiding away and avoiding anything sociable. At 45, a size 10 and stable and no longer all about food, I am actually living life. X

Op I could have written this, minus the relationship part, I’m no where near attentive enough for that. Size 20/24 and can barely climb a flight of stairs without feeling shattered. I went to my gp as for me its compulsive overeating and I really need help, I can’t do it alone, but he said there aren’t any services available to help in my area, and shrugged his shoulders and recommend slimming world or something like that, not helpful, so I’ve given up as a lost cause.
I know what I need to do but like you, no motivation and I just can’t stop myself and become obsessive about food. So no advice sadly but you’re not alone in how you feel.

Oh my friend, chuck it in the fuck it bucket and go and have fun.

Fuck how anyone else sees you, fuck it!

I’m huge, I got in a swimming costume today and went to the pool with my son. I’m not missing out on a second with him because of how others see me, no way.

Go on, life should be grabbed and loved and enjoyed that’s why you are here.

I bloody love food, love it and love life too. Have both. Absolutely no one can tell you not to.

Start exercising so you are strong enough to do these things. Having strong muscles is the key.

What’s your weight and height?

And what size clothes are you?

Tbh honest everyone I wouldn’t be giving the OP any advise, she clearly has/had an eating disorder.

You won't be motivated if you actively dislike yourself. Shame never motivated anyone.

Focus on loving yourself and enjoying life (cause it's the thought of it you don't like you would enjoy it if you did it I'm sure) and you'll soon start making progress in the confidence area.

At that point if you feel great who gives a flying one whether you lose weight or not. It's not our mission in life to be thin.

How can you be too fat to go to Paris or to the zoo? Maybe you need to exercise a bit more so you have more energy if you really can’t do those things? Start small and build up:

How do you know the OP has an eating disorder?

Well your new partner must like you to want to go on these outings with you!

Now, even a little bit of exercise does a world of good physically. I remember a BBC documentary a while ago where they found a half hours walk everyday was affective as some of the type 2 diabetes medication for the majority of their test subjects! Tell yourself something is better than nothing! And just do stuff and congratulate yourself from doing it. It's good for your physical and mental health.

And so you've stored some fat. It is an energy source for you to use, that is all! Now is the time to liquidise that investment!

All of the three things you mentioned are perfectly possible for you to do, at pretty much any size. Just do them! You are a normal person, there are plenty of larger people who do plenty of fun things.
Your partner has chosen to be with you, that means he wants to do things with you. Please try and be positive and self confident, no one will be staring or laughing at you.

How fat are you OP, I am a size 20/22 and lots of theme parks are very accommodating to size. DLP is.

We are going to the USA next week and we will walk miles each day.

We were at Portaventura last month and I was fine. You can't let your size stop you.

Tbh honest everyone I wouldn’t be giving the OP any advise, she clearly has/had an eating disorder.

You're able to diagnose from a single post? The NHS needs you!

How “fat” are you?
I’m a size 16 and short so pretty overweight.
I can go on weekend breaks, to the zoo, theme parks and last week on ho,iday I both swam out to and climbed all over an inflatable obstacle course in the sea.
I wouldn’t suggest that anyone lose weight as I’m not in a position to judge but if it it badly impacting your life then you should try your hardest to

Can't see any of those being a problem physically up to a size 20 to 22.
I think to need to try and change your mindset op.

Well your going to ruin your relationship then because of attitude not weight tbh. I am fat OP too but I still want to enjoy life - I still walk, hike, go to the beach, kayak, day trips, all of it. Why wouldnt I? Life is for living. You sound very lacking in self confidence - have you ever considered counselling? It really helps me is to put in the effort to buy some nice clothes that fit properly, are of good material and are comfortable - right from undergarments to bathing suits. When I didn't do this I was always hot and uncomfortable, feeling like I stuck out. The worse thing you can do is hole up inside though OP truly.

I'm current exploring keto and I think it's interesting, has potential for me but it's so individual what works for people on the difficult journey to lose meaningful weight - I totally sympathize.