Overbearing MIL

[Cca19]

My MIL is constantly contradicting everything I say and do when it comes to my DD. This has been going on since the day she was born 10 weeks ago. I have made several comments to her about how I don’t like the way she is behaving but have been ignored anyway, but the level of disrespect has never felt as bad until this.

We were at MIL’s for a meal this weekend when she gave DD some food without even asking if we were okay with it. I was annoyed and asked her to please not give her any food, we only want to give her breast milk up until she is 6 months old or until WE feel she is ready. She said okay. Later again that night she tried a second time. This time I caught her before she did it and explained she is OUR daughter and she will NOT be having anything other than breast milk until we say so, so please respect that.

She responded saying she gave DH food at a younger age than DD and he is fine. I explained that although many people give their babies food to try we do not want to and she should respect this. She then said baby food is advertised from 4 months+ and our DD would be having it at that age. When I told her no she would not, she responded saying YES she will have food at 4 months?! I then explained myself and the HV had a conversation about this earlier the very same day where she told me babies have a higher risk of developing allergic reactions to foods they try before 6 months as their bodies see it as a foreign body and attack it. I also explained they have a higher risk of choking as their bodies just are not ready for it to which she responded “that’s bullshit” and babies have more allergic reactions these days because they are left until 6 months to eat. She claims health care providers don’t know what they are talking about. She’s also one of those people that think Autism isn’t real 🙄

I’m honestly so baffled as to how she thinks she has this much control over our DD. She has zero respect for what myself and DD want for our baby and the fact she can happily potentially endanger our babies life is so upsetting to me.

My AIBU is: am I being unreasonable to not want to leave DD alone with her anymore? DH is annoyed with me for even bringing up the subject but I just feel as though DD isn’t really safe alone with her.

I also want to add, after this situation FIL constantly made ‘jokes’ about keeping food away from the baby as it’s ‘poison’ which just made it clearer to me they weren’t taking us seriously and wouldn’t respect our wishes when we weren’t around. I don’t know if I’m feeling this way because of 10 weeks of constant resilience from them against everything I’ve said or whether I genuinely have a right to be annoyed by their actions.

My baby wouldn't be alone with her, I can promise you that.

YANBU to feel like you can’t trust her. I certainly wouldn’t either, mostly because she is still adamant she’s in the right. I’d have gone mad if someone had given my 2 month old baby food to eat. Twice in one day after being told not to the first tome.

Regardless of if she agrees with you or not, she should respect your rules and parenting choices for your DD.

Yeah I'd keep DD away. I had something similar with ILS who were giving DC1 fucking KITKATS to suck on at 4 months old.

I would 100% not be leaving my child alone with them. You’re right, they have zero respect for you as parents. Your DH should be on your side about this, it might be as time goes on he realises how disrespectful they are being. Keep sticking up for yourself. YOU are the parent. Trying to give a 10 week old food is insane.

They're assholes and I would never leave my dog with them never mind an innocent baby! Where the hell is your husband during all of this?

Food at 10 weeks? No OP you are NBU. She is totally. Don’t leave your baby alone with her. She’s being ridiculous and so out of order.

Yanbu . I wouldn’t leave her alone with the baby she can’t be trusted

YANBU. your MIL and FIL need to respect your boundaries and your DH needs to back you up!

You say your DH was annoyed with you for ‘even bringing up the subject’ - how does he feel about his DD being fed before 6 months? Or about his parents disrespecting the wishes of his baby’s mother?

I really feel for you; it’s childish and stupid of your in-laws to behave like that. Regardless of what they believe is right or wrong, your wishes should be 100% respected, no questions asked. It will be easier for you if your DH is on the same page as they are his parents; it shouldn’t even be your battle to fight, it should be his to deal with!

Do not leaving any of them unsupervised with your DD. Is your DH on board with not giving her food or is there a risk he will sneak her over to PIL when you're not there. YNBU. We started weaning DD at 5 months (now 11 months) but this because I a)had an overwhelming urge to feed her when I was eating (call it instinct?) And she was showing a real interest in food. She is now 11 months. 10 weeks is ridiculous. The undermining and then stupid comments would piss me right off.

DH is on the same page with not feeding her until 6 months/until we feel she’s ready so I have no idea why he’s not backing me up in this situation. I feel they’d listen more if it came from him, so annoying!

10 weeks?? FFS, what's wrong with your DH? No bloody way would she be being left alone with baby if this were mine.

@Cca19 OMG My baby wouldn't even be seeing her again if she continued to disrespect my parenting like that let alone your DC being on her own with the witch 🤦🏻‍♀️

Your husband is annoyed that you dont want to let his mother carry on doing things that could seriously harm or kill your daughter, just to keep the peace? At 10 weeks like you say, she could choke. She can believe that current medical advice is bullshit if she wants, but she does not get to look after your daughter by herself - she has made it very clear that she wont listen to you. When she was bringing up her children it was probably fine to smoke around them and take them in the car without a car seat. And yes most survived. Doesnt mean it wasnt unsafe and things havent moved on.

Well if your dh agrees with you he needs to stand up to his parents. They might take him a bit more seriously not that it should have to come down to that but needs must and all that. Basically he needs to grow a pair.

Definitely not unreasonable at all and I also wouldn't leave my baby alone with them.

Just as an aside though, your baby may well be ready for other food before 6 months, which in sure you'll be aware of. This is your decision though, deffo not mil's!

Bloody hell, at 10 weeks she could choke ! Not only would I avoid leaving the baby alone withPIL, I wouldn’t let her out of my hands when visiting- and I would be absolutely clear about the reasons why.

I'd be seeing her less

Yeah if we feel she’s ready before 6 months, then we’ll definitely be moving her onto solids, just not at 10 weeks haha!

You are your dc mum and know what's best for baby, tell your mil if she doesn't like it and respect your parenting choices then shes not welcome until she can respect you both

I wouldn't even be visiting with my child let alone leaving them alone with them.

Your MIL is batshit and you to step up and protect your child

You need to*

I wouldn't dare be alone with her myself, if I were you. I'd kill her! Don't, under ANY circumstances, leave her alone with this loon.