To be a bit put out at dh calling me from our bed telling me to keep the dc quiet.

[SilkClayFlowers]

To be fair he was working till about 11pm last night but it was his choice to stay up alone till gone 2am.

The boys are 15 months and 6 years (with the older one having added ASD for maximum noise!)

I found his tone and the fact it was delivered via the mobile a bit off. It’s not like he called me from the East wing, we live in a tiny cottage so he could have just called down. Grr!

Def not unreasonable- that's a bit twat'ish!!

Yanbu

He arrived in from work 9 hours ago

When do you get a lie in?

Haha! I don’t get lie ins sadly. He works every evening this late except two so needs the rest himself.

Also I’m much better at ah doing the dc first thing.

He could get much better at dealing with his children in the morning by actually doing it.

Seriously I regularly go to bed at 11pm rarely asleep before midnight and up again between 6-7.30.

Tell him he is being ridiculous, he chose to stay up until 2am so it's his fault he's not had "enough" sleep!!

I’m a real morning person so I don’t mind doing most of them. Usually I get them boys straight out for a walk if it’s sunny but it’s a washout this weekend.

I don’t mind being up with them but feel under pressure to keep them quiet.

I hate people yelling between rooms. What would be the point? He'd wake himself up before you'd communicate fully. It's a bad example for the children as well.

If you'd have lived next door to families that shout through roons, you'd try not to do it.

I always think it's unfair on late finishers, ypu can't always just settle to sleep. I've worked nights and lates.

He isn't having a lie in, this is his sleep time.

I would be encouraging maximum noise after a comment like that!

It's not really possible though is it unless they watch tv for hours. We found at that age that after a bit of tv the DC needed to eat breakfast and do something active which inevitably makes noise. Neither of mine had additional needs either, they're just lively. I would agree to keep them quiet until a set time (e.g. 7.30) in future and then it's fair game. He can plan the time he goes to bed around that so it's not a surprise.

It is not your job to keep the children quiet. He chose to stay up three hours after he finished working. He could have had (presumably) 7 or 8 hours sleep. I would tell him to piss off.

I’d put them outside the bedroom door with pots, pans, and wooden spoons if it were me. What a twat.

You don’t seem interested in lie-ins which is fair enough but do you get any afternoons to yourself without your children or anything like that? Or is he just a penis with a paycheque attached? If so, you’d still have access to at least part of that paycheque without having to put up with the rest of him if you told him to fuck off.

So he's worked til 11pm, then spent 3 hours winding down. That seems very reasonable. Most people work til 5 then spend 5 hours winding down. They don't get in from work and go straight to bed.
However, keeping the kids quiet can be almost impossible. I'd get him some good earplugs so he's not disturbed.

This ^^

I work late sometimes and it is really hard to just go straight to bed. You need some time to wind down.

But that does seem a bit rude. I'd be tempted to keep the kids quiet by making Daddy breakfast in bed to be delivered shortly with maximum excitement

I wish tv was an option but neither of them are interested for more than 5 mins.

I do appreciate it’s his sleep time but keeping them quiet is an impossible task for what’s now been almost 3 hours.

I run around all evening until 11pm an hour wind down sleep at midnight 🤷🏽‍♀️unfortunately it's par for the course with young DC they are noisy.

Probably an idea to get him ear plugs tbh.

A few more posts went on as I was putting my reply! Was agreeing with needausername.

I have done that before when dh has left the living room door open while he and ds are up. What's the point of a lie-in if you can't sleep?

Tbf, it can be hard to come home from work and go to sleep immediately so I can understand staying up until 2am.

Obviously, you should get your fair share of lie-ins though.

Some nasty comments on here about a man you know fuck all about! For all you know he could have just completed a 12 hour shift in a highly stressful job like police or prison service.

Ponoka7 has it, yelling would be worse because the children would hear.

When working late you need time to wind down before sleep. You wouldn’t expect someone who finishes at 6pm to go straight to bed when they get in.

He works until 11pm but what time does he start?

When little ds has his morning nap I’ll co sleep with him for an hour so that’s my sort of sleep\me time. Dh is back off to work this afternoon so it’s hard on both of us. Him working almost every evening and me with the dc every evening. It’s just life as it is.

I just find the impossible demand to keep them quiet (via mobile!) annoying and stressful.

I think people are missing the point - it's not him wanting a lie in that's the issue.

It's rude to call you to ask you to keep the DC's quiet. He could have got out of bed and spoke to them himself. You're not his skivvy and you deserve to have proper conversations with somebody in the same house as you.

YANBU, id be put out too.

Thank you NEWMOM you get it!

My ExH used to workshifts when our children were little and it was very hard at weekend and holidays keeping them quiet enough when he was on lates and nights. I just did the best I could, took them out for walks like you do and recommended ear plugs if H felt they were too loud. When he refused to contemplate ear plugs I shrugged and left him to it! My eldest child (now 23!) had to spend two weeks sleeping in a very noisy environment for work recently and wouldn't have got any sleep without his ear plugs and sleep masks! Maybe your 'D'H could try those?