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AIBU?

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Original poster

MiL - DD and FilL’s birthdays

84 replies

Songofsixpence · 26/07/2019 16:33

It’s DD’s birthday tomorrow. She’s horse mad so for her present we’ve got her tickets to a major show jumping thing tomorrow. I got the tickets yonks ago when they first came out

She’s also been taking part in a jumping competition over the last few weeks - its a series thing - you have to get clear rounds at certain heights in X amount of events in the series to qualify for the final event which is on Sunday.

It’s FiL’s 70th Birthday the middle of August. A few weeks ago MiL messaged me to say she’d spoken to DH’s siblings and they’d decided we were all going away for a weekend to celebrate as a surprise for FiL, somewhere nice with a spa and a nice restaurant - the only date they could all do was this weekend.

DH rang her, explained our plans and suggested we meet up for the big dinner on the Saturday night as the showjumping thing wasn’t a million miles away from where they were staying (which is a couple of hours away from our house) but we couldn’t stay the night as we had to be out super early on the Sunday morning

MiL kicked off massively - called DD spoiled, that FiL was ‘more important’ and all sorts. DH dealt with it and that was that

She rang last night and started having a go as soon as I picked up the phone (DH was out) what time are we getting there, we need to get there by 4pm at the latest, how dare we not stay the night at the hotel, we were ruining everything, it was FiL’s 70th and that was more important, etc, etc

WIBU to stick to my guns? FiL is lovely and it is his 70th, but then DD is very excited about tomorrow and has been working towards Sunday for weeks

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 26/07/2019 16:35

YANBU id say!

BarbedBloom · 26/07/2019 16:36

Stick to your guns. You arranged in advance and part of it is your daughter's birthday present. I don't think it is on to arrange something without checking with everyone and then kick off when people have plans

Dirtyjellycat · 26/07/2019 16:37

YANBU. Your MiL is being hugely unfair.

chocolatesparkles · 26/07/2019 16:37

YADNBU!!!

I'm sure FIL would rather DD enjoy her birthday gift.

Floralnomad · 26/07/2019 16:38

YANBU , it’s not even his actual birthday fgs . In future just put the phone down on her if she starts having a go .

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 26/07/2019 16:38

Usually I’d say suck it up but not on this occasion. It’s also your dds birthday & an event she’s been working towards. I’d go to the dinner & any sign of discord leave immediately. YANBU

Pineapplefish · 26/07/2019 16:39

YANBU as you've been upfront about this commitment from the start. As the birthday is in August they should have chosen a different weekend.

CanYouHelpFindThis · 26/07/2019 16:39

Do your daughters birthday treat and the Sunday.

Ignore your MIL....

ginnybag · 26/07/2019 16:41

But it isn't the 'only weekend you can all do' is it?

Because you can't. because you have pre-exisiting plans.

Why do DH's siblings get to veto dates, but you/your DH don't?

Stick to your guns. MIL was told when she first rang it was a no-go. She booked anyway - that's on her.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/07/2019 16:43

If she cared that all of you were there she’d have bothered to check the date.

Is she always this delightful and considerate?

GooodMythicalMorning · 26/07/2019 16:44

Stick to your guns. dont let them dictate your weekend. fil should be grown up enough to understand!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/07/2019 16:44

It was the only weekend they could do, but it wasn't the weekend everyone could do. She has no right to have a go at you at all.

Stick to your guns.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 26/07/2019 16:44

I bet if your FIL knew what she was saying he'd be mortified. Enjoy your weekend plans and ignore her she sound utterly mental.

Deelish75 · 26/07/2019 16:45

I’ve read it as your MIL and your DH’s siblings have already decided it’s going to be this weekend and you’ve been TOLD about it and TOLD to be there - is that right?

Yanbu. And your MIL sounds like a brat for saying that your DD is spoilt.

Stick with your plans.

dreichhighlands · 26/07/2019 16:45

YANBU this wasn't a good date for everyone because it doesn't work for you and nobody checked that.
Happily you can attend the dinner.
I doubt a 70 year old bloke is going to care if some of his family are sleeping in the same hotel as him or not.
Your dd deserves to be at her jumping final and have her birthday taken into account as well.

CoconutDrink · 26/07/2019 16:46

It's your DDs birthday. Her and her birthday event takes priority.

Don't go to MIL's thing at all, because you know she's going to kick off and ruin your DD's birthday if you do.

Arrange to see FIL near his actual birthday.

And don't answer the phone to her. Unplug the house phone and screen your mobile calls until after the weekend.

NorthEndGal · 26/07/2019 16:47

Yanbu

Original poster
Songofsixpence · 26/07/2019 16:49

Thanks!

If she cared that all of you were there she’d have bothered to check the date

That’s exactly what I said! They had a FB messenger group between them all, which DH and I were added to once they’d decided the date between the rest of them. We’ve been up front from the start we couldn’t make the whole thing

Is she always this delightful and considerate?

Pretty much! FiL is really lovely though. He doesn’t actually know about it yet

OP posts:
negomi90 · 26/07/2019 16:56

You or your dh need to to stay near your dd at the event, so that if mil says anything to her you can shut it down to protect her from mil's games or guilt.
Also arrange something with FIL so that you have concrete plans about what your side of the family are doing for his 70th (present/special meal just your side of the family etc).

user1493413286 · 26/07/2019 16:58

You arranged yours first; they chose a weekend that you couldn’t do so I think it’s fair that you stick to your DDs birthday treat.

EggysMom · 26/07/2019 16:59

A few weeks ago MiL messaged me to say she’d spoken to DH’s siblings ... the only date they could all do was this weekend.

Shame she didn't speak to DH then. Or shame she rates your DH well down the list of sibling importance so his issues with the date could be ignored.

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/07/2019 16:59

Tell MIL this is her fault as she arranged it without checking the dates with you.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 26/07/2019 17:01

What does your DH say?

Original poster
Songofsixpence · 26/07/2019 17:10

Thanks!

I haven’t had a chance to speak to him about last nights phone call yet. It was late when he came in and he left for work super early this morning.

DD was more than happy to go for the dinner part, they will make a fuss of her too. I will keep her away from MiL though

OP posts:
Cosentyx · 26/07/2019 17:10

Don't give her a second thought. You show up when you show up. She's a bitch for not having checked with you all about arranging this as it's obvious you were not free. And no, an adult is not 'priority'. Your DD is a child.