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Original poster

Meeting his kids for the first time

82 replies

HatRack · 26/07/2019 14:13

My partner has invited me to meet his kids for the first time. They are 9, 9 and 5. I need to harness the power of Mumsnet to make this a success. What would be a good scenario for the first meet? Also how long should the first meet be?

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 26/07/2019 14:24

How long have you been together?

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 26/07/2019 14:56

How long have you been together? I think bumping into them at a park, beach or walk is a good plan. Don’t bring gifts, they’ll see through that. Just listen to them when the speak and be kind

PinkGlitter123 · 26/07/2019 14:59

Yes, how long have you been together?
I agree with not bringing gifts. Don't over-do it, let them go at their own pace,.

Knickersononeshead · 26/07/2019 15:01

We went bowling for our first meet, first with dp and my Dc then again when I met dss

TryingAndFailing39 · 26/07/2019 15:20

Be kind, do something fun and listen to them, don’t ask too many questions. I know it’s difficult but don’t try too hard! Agree with no gifts too.

Original poster
HatRack · 27/07/2019 12:16

Thanks for your feedback. Definitely no gifts. I've got kids myself so I know gifts would be silly and probably freak them out. We've decided to meet in town for a meal. We've been together 7 weeks, which personally I feel is too early for him to meet my kids. I want to wait till 6 months at the very least. I'm happy to meet his kids as that's what he wants. It also gives me an opportunity to see if I would be a good 'fit' for their family dynamics.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/07/2019 12:18

I’d be telling him no way. He can want all he likes but what’s best for the children should come first. After just seven weeks they shouldn’t even know about their dads date much less meet them.

Chamomileteaplease · 27/07/2019 12:20

Stand up for yourself! Say no. What a stupid idea. Seven weeks Shock.

Let the poor kids have their dad to themselves for a lot longer. Can he not cope with them by himself, is that why he wants to introduce his girlfriend of seven weeks???

JustTheCrowsAndTheBeef · 27/07/2019 12:21

Seven weeks is way too early and frankly is a bit of a red flag that he may have poor judgement.

hellodarkness · 27/07/2019 12:23

Bloody hell, 7 weeks! Poor kids. He's a thoughtless idiot at best.

cookiechomper · 27/07/2019 12:33

I don't think it's too soon but it depends on the state of the relationship and if you feel fairly confident that it'll last and things are going well. If it's inevitable that you're going to bump into his kids, through spending lots of time together then I think it's best to meet first.

Original poster
HatRack · 27/07/2019 12:37

Stand up for yourself!

Myself? I'm not fussed by it. I make choices about my own kids and he makes choices about his. The way I see it, I wouldn't personally do it but this is an opportunity for me to see what they are like.

Seven weeks is way too early and frankly is a bit of a red flag that he may have poor judgement.

Can you expand on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
HatRack · 27/07/2019 12:40

His original suggestion was more hardcore. He originally invited me to sleep over whilst they were there. I was very uncomfortable with this idea. So I diluted it by suggesting we just meet casually for a meal for an hour, and then gradually increase meeting lengths thereafter.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 27/07/2019 12:42

I think it’s far too early

DamnShesaSexyChick · 27/07/2019 12:42

How can someone be your partner after seven weeks?

Hercules12 · 27/07/2019 12:43

I've got food in my fridge older thsn your relationship. I agree with pp- this shows he has very poor judgement.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 27/07/2019 12:44

Red flags all over the place for this. How can he have his DC's best interests anywhere near his own self interests when he originally wanted you to sleep over whilst his kids were there? Throw him back, he's a bad'un.

Zippylove · 27/07/2019 12:45

He sounds a little thoughtless op. I personally wouldn't be meeting his kids at 7 weeks. What if you got close to them and they to you and then your relationship didn't work out? Its not fair on anyone. I say this as I am seeing a man and have been for six months but still not met his dd and happy not to til our relationship is concrete. Don't do it op.

ShatnersWig · 27/07/2019 12:46

Partner? FFS, at 7 weeks he's not even your boyfriend, you're just dating. You don't meet kids until you know this is a really serious relationship with legs.

Barking fucking mad.

PurpleDaisies · 27/07/2019 12:47

Just say no. Really not appropriate to meet them so soon.

I’ve been the kid in this situation and it’s horrible.

Just say no.

Zippylove · 27/07/2019 12:47

I hate it when someone raises the 'how can he be your partner after x long', it's just picky and twatty. Op can call him whatever she likes!

Loftyswops988 · 27/07/2019 12:47

It has been 7 weeks, he is the person you are seeing - most definitely not a partner. I don't think you can call someone your partner until your lives have merged to at least a small extent. I would say if you are going to go ahead with it then it should be an hour or two max

PositiveVibez · 27/07/2019 12:48

Omg. Not even been together 2 months!! And he wants you to meet his children!!!

That is crazy! This would put me off him instantly.

He isn't your partner. He is someone you've been with for a few weeks.

Pipandmum · 27/07/2019 12:51

I was engaged to my husband at six weeks. I met his kids 11 and 13) when they came for their weekend visit and I didn’t think I should stay the night but he said it was what I would normally do and he wanted to be truthful.
Personally I would have preferred an activity like mentioned such as bowling - a meal means forced conversation.

PositiveVibez · 27/07/2019 12:51

He originally invited me to sleep over whilst they were there

Wow. Just wow. He would be happy for someone who is a stranger to his kids, sleep over whilst they are there.

He sounds absolutely batshit.