Meeting his kids for the first time

[HatRack]

My partner has invited me to meet his kids for the first time. They are 9, 9 and 5. I need to harness the power of Mumsnet to make this a success. What would be a good scenario for the first meet? Also how long should the first meet be?

If you see him a few times a week you've met about 20 times. Red flag to me is that he's told his children about you - he's treating them like friends, not like children. That's not parenting.

My now dh met my ds after 5 months by which time I knew it was a long term relationship with view to marriage. I met his dc after 8 months, and we introduced the dc to each other after a year. 6 years on we have a very happy blended family of 6. 7 weeks is way to early. What if the dc get attached to you, and it doesn't work out? Give it 6 months at least.

They wouldn't like me after a round of mini golf, I take no prisoners. The 5 year old definitely wouldn't make it past the water mill.

I think the meal is too intense for children of that age. A park meet would be much more casual.

I think a meal is a bit to pressured to make conversation since you all sit looking at each other. A doing thing like a walk, the park, the beach with a bag of chips would be better. I think 2-3 hours is plenty. Don’t over do it.

I think 7 weeks is way to soon and you seem to agree but are going along with him. Think what this says about his parenting judgment. I would say to wait and if he insists would be reconsidering your relationship.

My ex is trying to build bridges and get DS (12) to do things with him and OW. He introduced her last year a week after telling DS about her and that she was the reason he left. They went out in the evening when he introduced her without warning and then again the following day for a meal. Again without warning she was just waiting at the pub! DS was really upset after and refused to do anything with her for ages. He said the meal was awkward but made worse because she was sprung on him without warning (twice). And that it was all too much. Ex admitted after he had fucked up and now months later DS still really wants nothing to do with her.

Massive red flag, my ex did this to my kids with his new girlfriend.

Shows he’s thoughtless, selfish & a crap parent - move on!

You’re trying to assess if you like the kids?

So why aren’t you introducing your dc to him? So he can see if he likes them?

Why the different rules?

His original suggestion was more hardcore. He originally invited me to sleep over whilst they were there.

This is a massive red flag. That he's a crap dad who doesn't have his children as a priority.

Someone can be a boyfriend after 7 weeks but not a partner. Partner is long term, committed relationship.

DP and I had been together several months before I met his girls, and although he met DS1 a few times before that it wasn't as my partner.

But any dad who doesn't think of their kids first is a huge huge red flag for any potential relationship, or it should be anyway. 7 weeks is no time at all, and XH insisted on DS1 meeting all his girlfriends in the first few weeks which monumentally messed with his head. Genuinely messed with his head, he was a wreck for a good year or so. Thankfully the most recent has stuck and is now his SM, but interestingly she was the one who put her foot down and said no to meeting DS1 until they'd been together a while. I respected her for that and we have a really good relationship now (better than with XH).

It's your call, but I think you're making a mistake getting in so deep with this man so early.