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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude not to invite partners to a wedding?

128 replies

BizzzzyBee · 26/07/2019 11:57

DH volunteers once a week at a community project with a dozen other people. They’re friends, they group text all the time and occasionally meet up to have a meal, and if they have a party they invite the group plus partners. So I’m acquainted with them and their partners.

One of these people is getting married and has invited them all but no partners. DH and I can’t decide if we’re offended. On one hand I’m technically not part of that group - on the other hand they and their partners are my FB friends so I do communicate with them, it seems rude to exclude partners, when anyone else has had an event they’ve always invited partners, and they all came to my wedding.

AIBU to expect to be invited?

OP posts:
Original poster
BizzzzyBee · 26/07/2019 21:13

I don’t know what SM means. We do polite chitchat on Facebook and I see her several times a year in a group situation when the 12 + 12 partners socialise together. I don’t see her individually outside of that.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 26/07/2019 21:26

SM is social media so you answered that question Smile

If all 24 of you socialise fairly regularly then it does seem strange that you're not invited...

HeckyPeck · 26/07/2019 21:26

Clearly the opinion is split!

79% YABU at the current vote.

I agree that YABU. You aren’t friends independent of the group with the bride or groom. I could understand if the group was maybe 4/5 people, but you’re talking about 24 people with partners. That’s a huge amount of people. Maybe they can’t afford it or their venue has a numbers limit? Would you expect them to cut friends/family from the list to invite you?

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 26/07/2019 21:35

Not rude at all! You don't know the couple so why would you be invited.

I hate weddings anyway so would be thrilled not to be invited.

GrapefruitGin · 26/07/2019 21:35

Yabu. It’s their wedding, they’re paying for it, why should they invite people for the sake of ‘etiquette’. I wouldn’t be offended if my DP was invited to a wedding without me, I’d understand there’s a budget and weddings can be bloody expensive.

LolaSmiles · 26/07/2019 21:38

I’m not sure how I feel about socialising with her now, given her apparent disregard for me.
Why is it now HER disregard for you? Are wedding guest lists not the responsibility of the couple?

I think you're being quite over dramatic and looking to make a scene.

You see them only a few times a yea then there is a social gathering for the 12 volunteers and their partners, so the friends are the volunteers and there's no relationship between you and the couple as a distinct friendship separate from group gatherings.

If I'm honest, if any of my friends/DH's friends pulled themselves our of casual social events because 'they aren't sure how they feel being around someone who didn't give me a wedding invite', I'd probably make a mental note that they were a drama queen and focus my attentions and friendships with others who were less high maintenance.

HauntedPencil · 26/07/2019 21:42

I've been invited to colleagues weddings without partners as a group of colleagues and I don't think it's rude at all. People are limited with numbers.

If only be miffed if it was people from our social circle.

lboogy · 26/07/2019 22:00

I decline invites when it's just me invited. I hate talking to strangers. Plus if you've met my dp then you have no excuse to not invite him

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 26/07/2019 22:05

We ARE offended, as is everyone else.

So you are all bitching to each other about this in secret? Are you all 15?

Your behaviour is the out of order thing here, you sound very spiteful and vindictive.

15YemenRoad · 26/07/2019 22:09

You are being unreasonable, just because you're his partner does not mean you automatically get an invite. Why would you assume you do? Whether they know you or not makes no difference, they evidently know your partner better and would like him to attend their wedding. Surely he can attend without you?

It's not rude and you are being entitled when you have no reason to be. So instead of being offended why not tell your partner to enjoy the wedding and wish the couple well.

People are entitled to ask who they want to their wedding and to expect partners of acquaintances should be automatically invited is ridiculous.

15YemenRoad · 26/07/2019 22:10

Let me phrase it differently then. We ARE offended, as is everyone else

Then quite frankly you're all rather pathetic and it's a shame that the bride and groom would even invite one of you to the wedding with that attitude.

15YemenRoad · 26/07/2019 22:12

A wedding is a formal event and inviting one half of a couple is tacky and rude

The only person coming across tacky and rude is YOU and your partner if he is also bitching. I concur with what someone else said, you do sound vindictive and a complete drama queen. They're clearly better off without you and your partner. What an awful lot you are.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 26/07/2019 22:27

You are very precious.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 26/07/2019 22:36

I did. As I’ve already said twice if you RTFT. All 12 plus 12 partners came to my wedding.

But that was your choice. I can understand why you feel like you should have received a reciprocal invitation, but in these circumstances they can’t really invite you without inviting TEN others. That’s an awful lot of extra people. They obviously decided no partners was better than some but not others.

We do polite chitchat on Facebook and I see her several times a year in a group situation when the 12 + 12 partners socialise together. I don’t see her individually outside of that.

I think you’ve answered your own question here. This woman is a friend of your partner who you get on well with. You are not friends in your own right. That doesn’t mean she dislikes you or has any issues with you - it’s just that your partner is the one who is her actual friend.

It sounds like, prior to this, you had a nice situation where the main group and their partners all got on well and could enjoy parties, BBQs etc. Why make a fuss and make it awkward when they’re all volunteering together over one day?

LolaSmiles · 26/07/2019 22:36

I find it bizarre that people are incapable of socialising with people they know at a wedding just because they don't have a plus 1.

If it was a childhood friend inviting me alone and I was hardly going to know anyone then that would be rude and a +1 would be expected and polite.

If it's a group of friends from university or work or a club that are invited as an existing social group without partners then I don't see the issue.

Complaining about a situation like the second one makes me wonder if it's now unusual in having friends and a life and identity outside of each other.

(That's before we get to the revelation that all the partners are offended so at least a number of them have been having a good old bitching session between themselves).

bowchicawowwow · 26/07/2019 22:40

Not rude at all. We had a very low key wedding reception in a venue with a max capacity of 120. I couldn't offer plus ones to workmates (I figured they knew enough other people there already) and I had to be ruthless with the guest list. There were lots of people who I would have liked to invite but I just couldn't accommodate them.

Wallywobbles · 26/07/2019 22:48

We didn't invite anyone who we didn't both know.

cheeseandbiscuitss · 26/07/2019 22:54

When it's additional £500 (minimum) to have partners then YABU. Where's the line?

Scrumptiousbears · 26/07/2019 23:01

Someone at work got married and invited partners, however if they didn't I wouldn't be offended and us work colleagues would have all enjoyed an evening by ourselves. (Sometimes it's easier that way)

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/07/2019 23:12

So you see her (and I am another one who doesn't get why the guest list is the woman's responsibility) a couple of times a year, but you expect an invite over people they must know much better?

Most people do have a finite number of people they can invite and they have to prioritise.

I don't understand why your DH is offended but if he is, he should rsvp "no". Job done, move on.

Crazycrazylady · 26/07/2019 23:13

Not rude at all imo... I think ye sound a bit desperate for a day out to be offended that someone you barely know didn't ask you to her wedding.

Jennifer2r · 27/07/2019 12:08

I am single, I attend all weddings on my own. I manage, because I'm an adult. I talk to whoever Im sat with, and enjoy the special day celebrating the people who presumably think enough of me to want me there. I don't see why anyone would invite someone they don't know to their wedding its nuts.

LatteLove · 27/07/2019 12:13

Not in this scenario, no. It’s like inviting work colleagues to an evening do I think

LatteLove · 27/07/2019 12:13

Sorry my answer is in response to the q in the title. YABU

Whatisinaname1 · 27/07/2019 12:16

Not rude at all given the situation. Bitching and moaning as a group behind their back and largely giving blame to the bride is though. It all sounds very cliquey and perhaps the couple don't like this cliquey behaviour and saw it happening previously so theh just invited the group instead.

I get you are disapointed but offended? Thats OTT. And surely your husband can decide if he wants to go himself? If he doesn't fair enough but why are 'you and dh' debating and deciding it? He shiuld make up his mind if he wants to go with his mates or decline.

I invited couples to my wedding bar one. She got the royal hump but seeing as said 'couple' didn't exist until 3 weeks before the wedding (and lasted less after) she could jog on!