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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to wedding if not allowed my plus one?

95 replies

TalentedMsRipley · 26/07/2019 11:19

My dp & I have been invited to a wedding abroad but we're not allowed to bring our one year old baby. My friend (the groom) says I'm not allowed to bring the baby, fine, but dp will have to either stay at home with her or in the hotel & not attend wedding either way. Ive asked groom if i can bring my adult daughter as my plus one and he says no.
I did really want to attend his wedding but should I not bother?

OP posts:
Original poster
TalentedMsRipley · 26/07/2019 11:20

Oops...sorry for repeated line!

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 26/07/2019 11:21

So there is no plus one invitation? Just you?

chuttypicks · 26/07/2019 11:21

Don't put yourselves out. If they really wanted you there then they would of course allow your baby or for you to take your older DD. Don't waste the time, money or energy op.

ladymariner · 26/07/2019 11:22

I wouldn't bother. You sound a lot kinder than the groom!

Pineapplefish · 26/07/2019 11:23

I think this is normal? The invite was to you and your DH not you plus one. If he can't come you don't get to invite anyone you like in his place. But of course totally within your rights to decline the invite if it's all becoming too much hassle.

WhiteVixen · 26/07/2019 11:23

Can your adult daughter look after the one year old while you and your partner go to the wedding?

PeoniesarePink · 26/07/2019 11:23

Doesn't sound much of a friend being honest.......

thebestbe · 26/07/2019 11:23

I think it's fair enough not to go, given the circumstances. Especially as the wedding is abroad.

Thehop · 26/07/2019 11:23

They don’t seem to want you there all that much, is save myself the money and effort.

WhatAGreatDay · 26/07/2019 11:24

It sounds like he isn't that bothered whether you attend or not. Has he actually invited your DP? If he's only invited you then you can't really invite your daughter if there is no plus 1 on the invitation.

I wouldn't go unless the location is somewhere you'd like to go to anyway.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/07/2019 11:24

Why wouldn't he want your adult daughter there? Sounds like a load of hassle for a pretty shitty friend. I wouldn't bother going.

Fluffiest · 26/07/2019 11:25

Yeah, just decline the invitation as it doesn't work for your family.

RedPanda2 · 26/07/2019 11:25

I understand the no children rule but it seems a bit mean spirited that you can't swap your partner for your daughter

Original poster
TalentedMsRipley · 26/07/2019 11:26

Thanks for speedy replies, I don't think I'll bother then. Originally i couldn't bring my adult daughter as he classes her as a child. 🤣

I just can't afford to pay for the 4 of us to travel & stay there.

OP posts:
RagingWhoreBag · 26/07/2019 11:26

So there is no plus one invitation? Just you?

Has he actually invited your DP? If he's only invited you then you can't really invite your daughter if there is no plus 1 on the invitation.

RTFF people!

Literally the first line...
My dp & I have been invited

herculepoirot2 · 26/07/2019 11:26

Oh sorry, I get it. Yes, decline the invitation.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 26/07/2019 11:27

No way I'd be putting myself out like that - decline.

onalongsabbatical · 26/07/2019 11:27

Decline invitation, send card. Why would you do more than that?

Idontwanttotalk · 26/07/2019 11:27

OP said "My DP and I have been invited". What's happened to your little grey cells Poirot? Grin

OP - Is there any way your adult daughter could take care of your baby so that you and DP can go?

herculepoirot2 · 26/07/2019 11:28

Idontwanttotalk

Must have melted in the heat.

herculepoirot2 · 26/07/2019 11:29

But there is no way on this earth I would pay to go abroad so .25 of my family could attend a boring wedding.

RagingWhoreBag · 26/07/2019 11:32

If it was in the UK then I'd say you don't really need to bring anyone, just go on your own if you can't get a babysitter.

But for a trip abroad which would most likely be a couple of days at least, he can't insist you leave your baby at home, many mums aren't ok with that. Bringing the baby and DP but not allowing them to the wedding is pointless. So it would make sense to go with someone else, as not everyone is comfortable travelling alone.

If i really wanted to go and I knew some other people at the wedding I'd be happy to go alone, and enjoy the peace when I'm in the hotel alone. It sounds like you do really want to go, so why not just go alone and treat it like a bit of a mini break with a wedding in the middle?!

But it does seem daft that he's not willing to swap out one guest for another when you have to travel all that way. Maybe they've had to be ruthless with the guest list, trimming people they might have wanted there, so bringing someone they're not friends with in their own right seems like a 'waste of a place' just to keep you company on the flight etc.

lmusic87 · 26/07/2019 11:33

Unless you are very close to the couple, I wouldn't go.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 26/07/2019 11:33

Can your adult daughter look after the one year old while you and your partner go to the wedding?

This.

Paddington68 · 26/07/2019 11:34

Decline and spend the money on you and your family.

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