To not go to wedding if not allowed my plus one?

[TalentedMsRipley]

My dp & I have been invited to a wedding abroad but we're not allowed to bring our one year old baby. My friend (the groom) says I'm not allowed to bring the baby, fine, but dp will have to either stay at home with her or in the hotel & not attend wedding either way. Ive asked groom if i can bring my adult daughter as my plus one and he says no.
I did really want to attend his wedding but should I not bother?

@herculepoirot2 Of course she doesn't have to, but she came on here asking for advice, and she was the one who mentioned bringing the adult daughter along.

Is your daughter incapable of looking after a toddler for 48 hours?

er what if she doesnt want to? she is ops daughter, not her nanny.

Maybe she works FT and doesn't want to book off AL to look after her sibling.

what happened to "your child you sort it out" - apparently nobodies parents owe them childcare, but their adult children do??

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl We we don't know, because the OP hasn't been back to answer the question. And as I said above, the daughter was able to go overseas for the wedding, and staying home and minding their sibling is a lot easier even if she does have a job, than up and taking off overseas for a wedding.

The OP came on here asking advice, and she is the one who brought her daughter into it.

SaraNade

She did, but she’s asking whether the couple are being unreasonable, not for ideas about who could look after her baby. I’m sure it’s occurred to her that she could go without the baby.

And as I said above, the daughter was able to go overseas for the wedding, and staying home and minding their sibling is a lot easier even if she does have a job, than up and taking off overseas for a wedding

haha, do you know any one year olds?

going abroad will be faaaaaaaaar easier than babysitting a 1yo whos parents are abroad.

The couple aren't being unreasonable.
You wouldn't be unreasonable to politely decline saying nothing about your child.

I would understand not substituting for your DD if the bride and groom didn't know her and didn't want strangers at their wedding. But because she's your child? She's 22! Everyone is someone's child, even when they're 80! What a strange reason.

It doesn't sound like they really want you there, so politely decline. Send a card if you're generous (no gift).

im confused how you want your baby to come but you said you cant afford to take them?

I would decline because clearly they don't want a baby who could potentially distrupt the wedding. I have been to so many of them when I got married it was adults only!

The highlight at one was when I arrived at the church a mother changing her baby on the church pew.

Everyone will say of course, I wouldn't do that, I would take them out when the crying starts but people don't - they really don't.

Fuck that. Childfree weddings are fine (I had one) but the lack of flexibility with the plus one is shit.

I'll ask the question again:

Could your daughter not stay at home and mind your baby?

sangria obviously not or the op could have come to that conclusion herself!

I think that's fair enough. It's his wedding and he can invite who he wants. If he gave you a plus one, that's one thing. But if it was a named invitation for the two of you, that's something else.

I had two cousins who swapped their plus ones for our wedding. One was invited along with his partner (named invitation, not a generic 'plus one') and the other was invited by himself as he was single. In the intervening 3 months, the cousin and his partner broke up and the other cousin started dating someone. A week before the wedding, they informed me that the single one was bringing his new girlfriend (who we had never met!) as there was an extra place. Okay, fine, fair enough, but it's weird to have someone show up at your wedding who has never met you or anyone else in the family.

I wouldn't go to a wedding abroad without my children though, so that would be a no from me anyway.

@ColaFreezePop yes I know the wedding is abroad. Adult dd at age 22 is surely capable of looking after her sister for a couple of nights if op and Dh go. Surely the toddler is well used to her sister.

Perhaps the groom thought the baby could be looked after by her sister, as many have assumed on this thread.

Invitations aren't transferable. I think it was a bit cheeky of you to ask if you could swap your DP for your daughter, and fair enough for the groom to say no.

Of course YANBU not to go if the prospect of going on your own while leaving baby with her dad doesn't appeal. Many people who are invited to weddings abroad won't be able to go for one reason or another. Some couples plan weddings abroad for this very reason, so they can have a small wedding but not hurt anyone's feelings by failing to invite them.

Decline, send a card, and think of the money you'll save to use as a family instead.

Decline and spend the money on something better

Seems odd not to let you take your adult DD with you. Since it is your friend the invite is presumably you with DH being named as invited as your +1 and husband. If it was the other way and it was DH's friend then I could understand it (not wanting you and DD as DH was the one really invited), but as long as you are there I don't see how who you bring makes that much difference.

Decline the invite and have a nice time with your family instead.

But it's a huge assumption for the groom to make? That a young woman (who presumably works or studies) can have the baby for a few days, whilst both the parents are abroad. It's not someone else's choice to make is it?