To not go to wedding if not allowed my plus one?

[TalentedMsRipley]

My dp & I have been invited to a wedding abroad but we're not allowed to bring our one year old baby. My friend (the groom) says I'm not allowed to bring the baby, fine, but dp will have to either stay at home with her or in the hotel & not attend wedding either way. Ive asked groom if i can bring my adult daughter as my plus one and he says no.
I did really want to attend his wedding but should I not bother?

Why is your adult daughter viewed as a child by the groom? How old is she?

The adult daughter can't look after the baby because the OP has already said she can't afford to take 4 people to the wedding abroad.

I would decline, OP.

Buzzshit, we really cant afford to pay for a third adult too. I can barely afford to pay for myself tbh! I will decline offer. Sorted.

This is like MN bingo for posters not reading the thread

Thanks croissant.

It would be a thanks but no thanks from me.

the groom sounds like an arse

I take it your friend doesn't have any kids of his own and therefore doesn't understand that banning small children from a wedding often means that some invited guests simply can't attend.
Send him a card with good wishes, and spend the money you save by not going on a nice minibreak somewhere with your DP and DC.

Oh sorry, I missed that it was an abroad wedding. Yeah I’d not go.

Don't go. Just send a nice card and wish them well.

That's a decision that needs no more that a couple of seconds thought, of course you aren't BU not to go.

Why does common sense go out of the window when weddings are involved?

I'd decline it.

How old is your adult dd? Could she not mind the 1 yr old at home and you and Dh go? Otherwise decline the invite altogether or just go yourself.

@Drum2018 - the wedding is abroad. The baby would likely not settle without one of their parents for days on end. My baby will only settle with 2 people for days - me and my DP. Therefore it makes sense for the OP to take her adult daughter.

I think it totally depends on the age of your daughter. If it's a case that you refer to her as adult, because she's much older, more mature, but actually, say 14, then yes YABU. Because they've stated no children at the wedding, and you're just trying to substitute a young child for an older child. It's your perogative to not go, but they're not being unreasonable.

If you're daughter is actually an adult, then the groom's being silly, there's no reason to decline your perfectly acceptable alternative of taking your adult daughter.

The groom has "invited" her DP but also made it night on impossible for him to attend by banning the baby. Unless OP wants to pay for a babysitter to join them at a destination wedding or leave her baby for a few day.

Groom is a dick and I wouldn't go!!

If it was a local wedding of course you could just go alone no bother, abroad no.

This is what couples must accept if they have a destination wedding - it doesn’t work for everyone.

Send a nice card and a few euros for a bottle of something and forget about it

Nigh on

RagingWhoreBag

What is your problem? I was clarifying the OP’s post, as the title refers to a plus one but the post refers to an invitation for her and her DP. They are two different things. It was not immediately clear to me why she couldn’t take her adult daughter, but then I realised it was because it wasn’t w plus one invitation.

Back off.

If my husband couldn't go because of childcare then I would decline. I wouldn't want to go to a wedding abroad on my own unless I knew loads of friends who were going, then I'd enjoy the freedom and time alone with friends!

Decline the invitation . Sounds as though ‘ you’d struggle ‘ will you DP and baby . People who marry abroad must surely anticipate that acceptances may be reduced for a whole host of reasons including cost .

I don’t think you can substitute one person for another unless it is a true ‘you plus one’ invite, which this wasn’t - it was to you and your DP.

I also don’t think people who want baby-free weddings are ‘dicks’ as long as they recognise that it may have an impact on whether or not people with children are able to attend.

This might not be possible financially but I’m assuming the wedding’s in a nice place? If so I’d probably make a mini-holiday out of it - go a couple of days early with my DH and baby, have DH stay at the hotel with the baby during the actual wedding, stay a couple of days after.

I totally get that that option is dependent on your finances and where the wedding is, though.

I don’t think you’d be at all unreasonable to decline citing childcare as your reason.

Thanks all. My dd is 22!

We went to a wedding last year abroad that was child free. Although it was a nice break with DH I only went as I’d agreed prior to having my DD. I don’t have an issue with child free weddings but I do think it was cheeky (CF really) to ask us all to travel all that way and not bring our children. Obviously was my choice to go but I wouldn’t again.

DD stays at home completely and looks after baby, go with your husband and stay over? Don't get why all 4 of you would have to travel up

I don’t think it’s a case of either party being unreasonable. Just both coming from different points of view which means not going is the best outcome