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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..to wear the same outfit twice?

123 replies

DorisDances · 25/07/2019 18:34

DC are getting married 2 years apart - I have a lovely hat, dress and shoes combo. Can i wear to both as they are do you think or is it courtesy to change some aspect or replace all?

OP posts:

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 25/07/2019 22:55

My dm tried doing this but our weddings were closer together. I made it clear I wasn't happy so she bought something new for my wedding.

Why weren’t you happy with her wearing the same thing? Did you feel a dress rewear diminished your achievement of getting married?

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 25/07/2019 22:58

I wouldn't just because it's your children, so you will be in both sets of photos two years apart in the same outfit, same hat is fine. It's likely you'd want to display some pictures or have them in albums. Sometimes I find the outfit helps me remember more of the event too, so when looking at photos oh there's me and uncle Bob , now was that at Johnny's wedding or was it Jane's? Treat yourself to something new!

MissBattleaxe · 25/07/2019 22:59

I had a dress made to attend a wedding ten years ago. I have worn it to every wedding I have attended since. It doesn't matter if I wear the same dress. It's wasteful to buy outfits for every wedding unless you're the bride.

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 25/07/2019 22:59

The other thing would be the type of wedding, if one gets married on the beach and the other in a stately home the dress code is likely to be different

HeadintheiClouds · 25/07/2019 23:08

Would Johnny or Jane actually appearing in the photos as the bride or groom not solve that riddle for you, NeilBuchanan?

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 25/07/2019 23:30

I'd assume the bride or groom wouldn't be in every picture, especially the less formal more candid ones. It's two years apart, get some good wear out of the outfit and buy a new one. It's not like op has said this is because of financial hardship, she just likes the dress, in a period of more than two years she might see another dress she likes!

cluecu · 25/07/2019 23:35

Good grief I havent read the full thread but I'm hoping that common sense prevails a d everyone agrees that there is no shame in wearing the same outfit more than once.

My mum wore the same outfit as mother of the bride as as she later wore as the bride. Made her happy as well a lot of the same people who were also involved.

pigsDOfly · 25/07/2019 23:44

My DS will be getting married soon 2 years after my DD got married.

It be the same time of the year but I will most definitely not be wearing the same outfit.The main reason I won't be wearing the same outfit is because I don't want my future DDIL to feel that I didn't make the same effort for her wedding as I did for my own DD's wedding.

I know she wont be looking at me particularly but the photos will give it away.

It's fine for anyone else's wedding, but I think it's a bit mean not to bother buying a new special outfit for one of your DC's weddings.

Original poster

DorisDances · 26/07/2019 07:42

Thanks all for your input - much to chew over and really good to see environmental issues 're fashion coming to the fore.

OP posts:

Yeahnahmum · 26/07/2019 07:54

It is not about what others would think
But it IS about what your kids think
If my mum did that... and i was the 2nd kid to get married... i would have thought "so why did you go through the effort of finding something nice to wear for my bro/sis but not for me 🤔"...

Havent read the freaking thread. But if money was an issue then you could see if you could borrow something from a friend. Or go to the opshop (i love those!!)

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 26/07/2019 08:16

I'm struggling with the "making an effort" concept. Presumably the OP will style her hair, wear make up, choose jewellery, perfume etc. The only additional effort is going to the shops and pointlessly spending more money on an outfit that renders the one she actually likes redundant.

However, it would be considerate to talk to the DC to make sure they see it as she does and understand that it doesn't signify any preferential treatment. If they aren't 100% convinced, I'd choose a different outfit for that reason alone.

ArtichokeAardvark · 26/07/2019 14:17

I was going to say go for it, but it both weddings are for your children and you'll be in the formal photos both times, I would want to wear something different. I recycle the same 3 dresses for pretty much every wedding / christening / etc I go to, but I wouldn't do it if I were part of the core party.

Can you reuse the hat and shoes and just find a different dress to go with it? Wearing the same dress will be very obvious in photos, but you could definitely get away with recycling the rest.

Londonmummy66 · 27/07/2019 11:11

I think that the only reason not to would be if it would upset your dc/make them feel they were worth less effort. Perhaps say to them that "I really love the dress I got for your siblings wedding and would love the chance to wear it again but I don't want you to think that it is because I'm not making an effort. I just don't think I'll find anything I like as much. If I changed the hat etc would you mind if I reused the dress?" and take your cue from their response.

jamessmiths · 27/07/2019 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/07/2019 11:48

Would those who are saying the the OP is BU say the same thing if she was the father of the bride/groom not the DM? No, they wouldn't even notice or care.

It is completely ridiculous that women are expected to have a new outfit for each occasion and that wearing the same (expensive) outfit is considered worthy of comment.

OP, wear your lovely hat, dress and shoes for a second time and take no notice of anyone who holds the ridiculous view that you should ignore a perfectly suitable outfit that you already have and go out and get another one. If anyone sees the photos together and says anything, just say 'their father also wore the same suit for both weddings' (or another male relative as appropriate).

We need to stop this sort of criminal wasteful behaviour and outright sexism.

dentydown · 27/07/2019 11:52

You could mix and match it. Say use a different colour jacket and jewellery.

My aunt wore a fur coat to my mum and dads wedding in 1974 and to my mums funeral in 2006. My dad noticed! 🤣

HeadintheiClouds · 27/07/2019 11:57

Why does going out to spend money equal “making an effort”? Of all the things you could or couldn’t be doing to help with a wedding it has the very least effort involved, surely?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 27/07/2019 11:58

Spot on, @BarbaraofSeville

Lockheart · 27/07/2019 12:01

If you were my mum I wouldn't give a damn.

Odds are most of the men will be wearing exactly the same formal suit, why would it be a problem if the women do the same?

KurriKawari · 27/07/2019 12:43

If you were my mum and I'd take you out and treat you to a new outfit you liked.

KurriKawari · 27/07/2019 12:45

If you like the outfit they'll be plenty of other opportunities to wear it, hell even wear it to the supermarket if you want, just not both DC weddings.

NerrSnerr · 27/07/2019 12:48

Kurri but what if your mum wanted to wear the same outfit again. It's not always about money.

Can anyone who thinks she should buy a new outfit tell us why it's ok for men to wear the same but not women?

KurriKawari · 27/07/2019 13:03

It's not about men/women. I think father of DC should dress something new too.

If mum really liked it, I'd find her something she liked equally or more.

Knittedfairies · 27/07/2019 13:08

I completely agree with BarbaraofSeville too. Many years ago my husband had to attend several dinners, and always wore the same DJ. I felt I had to have something new/not seen by the other attendees before, as others would definitely have noticed (I overheard remarks...) I hated the shopping - and the waste. Meanwhile the gentlemen were wearing the DJs they'd had for years, with varying widths of lapel/trousers etc. Some of the suits were almost green with age.

Ariela · 27/07/2019 13:09

My best friend's mum wore the same dress and jacket combo to her niece and nephews weddings. However between wedding 1 (autumn) and wedding 2 (June), she had the sleeves cut to 3/4 with slashes added (this was 3 or 4 years ago possibly more, so 3/4 sleeves were a bit more on trend than they are now), new buttons added to the jacket in cerise, added a bright cerise and pale pink sash to the dress, which picked out the pink detail in the (mostly) pale blue/pale pink dress pattern
and matched a sash on the new, larger and more striking hat, with different quite striking multi-colour shoes that co-ordinated with the navy jacket and cerise/pink sash, and a not new but different bag that matched one colour of the shoes, but she had threaded the chain of the (quite old-fashioned) bag with more of the sash material.
I didn't actually notice it WAS the same outfit till I was shown the photos and told, as the colour scheme had gone from mostly navy & light blue to navy and cerise & light pink touches.

Apologies Having read that back it sounds more complicated than it was. But yes can be done.

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