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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to wear the same outfit twice?

123 replies

DorisDances · 25/07/2019 18:34

DC are getting married 2 years apart - I have a lovely hat, dress and shoes combo. Can i wear to both as they are do you think or is it courtesy to change some aspect or replace all?

OP posts:
GotToGoMyOwnWay · 25/07/2019 20:18

I wouldn’t only because it may cause upset to dc2 & they would think they weren’t worthy of a new outfit.

HeadintheiClouds · 25/07/2019 20:19

People may notice (but I doubt it) but they really won’t care. Anyone who would make this an issue is best ignored.
Op is hardly going to be the talk of the wash house for wearing a fabulous outfit that just happens to have been given a previous outing.
Go for it, op.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 25/07/2019 20:19

No.

If it was a friends/niece/colleagues wedding it would be fine but I think it’s a bit odd to wear it to both DCs wedding 2 years apart.

People (DC even?) might feel you didn’t care enough to make the effort to buy new for the second wedding!

nzeire · 25/07/2019 20:21

Of course you can! I think it’s bizarre how people will only wear a special occasion outfit once. The waste :(

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 25/07/2019 20:22

It's ironic isn't it? You find a dress you love and spend a decent chunk of money on it plus the accessories, then can't wear it twice!

What matters is how you and your DC feel about it. Be guided by them.

As for the photos, even if people do notice, what are they going to say? And why would it matter?

thecatsthecats · 25/07/2019 20:22

My mum wore the same outfit to my wedding, five years after my sister's. It was from a charity shop too.

It's kind of sad that people live by bullshit rules that determine their behaviour and happiness.

NerrSnerr · 25/07/2019 20:22

If my mum, MIL or step mum told me they were going to wear an outfit to my wedding that they had worn previously to a sibling, step sibling or anyone's wedding why would I care? If they like the outfit and feel good in it that's brilliant and it's a shame to have to get a new one just because other women will judge them because of it.

Pinkprincess1978 · 25/07/2019 20:23

My dm tried doing this but our weddings were closer together. I made it clear I wasn't happy so she bought something new for my wedding.

I think you could potentially away with the same dress but it would need different shawl/jacket etc and different hat or headdress.

DappledThings · 25/07/2019 20:24

I wouldn’t only because it may cause upset to dc2 & they would think they weren’t worthy of a new outfit

I don't think I can say this without sounding goady. I really don't mean to. But I can't fathom my own sense of worth being bound up in someone else's outfit choice.

If we were talking about someone turning up in tshirt and jeans and not making an effort then maybe. But I'm assuming this is a fancy, wedding appropriate outfit. So entirely fitting to the event.

Letsnotargue · 25/07/2019 20:24

If my mum had worn the same outfit to my wedding as she had to my sisters 5 years before I wouldn’t have given a monkeys. Photos of you in the same, nice, flattering outfit will not look at all our of place.

If you still love the outfit by the second wedding then go for it.

HeadintheiClouds · 25/07/2019 20:26

PinkPrincess Confused
Forgive me saying, but your username would appear to be singularly apt.

CrispSandwiches19 · 25/07/2019 20:26

No not if both dcs with lots of same guests
If not I would.

DramaRamaLlama · 25/07/2019 20:27

I wouldn't. I think it demonstrates a lack of effort towards the second wedding.

HollowTalk · 25/07/2019 21:29

It would be like wearing the same wedding dress twice.

HeadintheiClouds · 25/07/2019 21:32

Of course it wouldn’t, ffs!

DappledThings · 25/07/2019 21:33

It would be like wearing the same wedding dress twice

It really, really wouldn't. That's ridiculous.

Luckingfovely · 25/07/2019 21:56

I really don't think it's the right thing to do, and I feel you should buy a new outfit if you can.

I totally understand people disagreeing with this - and I agree for every other wedding one should re-use, wear the same, mix it up, whatever - for but your two DC? No, no way. You'll look the same in the photos, and it just seems like a real lack of effort and care.

The mother of the bride outfit is supposed to be unique and special to honour your child's wedding. Even while I'm writing this, it sounds a bit daft. But that's the way it feels to me!

HeadintheiClouds · 25/07/2019 21:58

It does indeed sound daft.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 25/07/2019 22:15

I cycle outfits around and don't buy new for every wedding but would get a different outfit for each DC's wedding or at the very least, change the accessories around.

Different weddings have different atmospheres and different outfits suit different weddings. It shouldn't matter, but reusing the same outfit would seem slightly impersonal.

Men rewear suits, but they usually update the look with different shirts and ties. For a particularly formal wedding, they are normally hired anyway.

victorioussponges · 25/07/2019 22:33

Have you brought it up with your DCs, OP? I have to say it wouldn't bother me at all if my mum did this with me and my sister, and I'd hate to think of her worrying about it without saying anything!

A lot of posters have talked about effort. I doubt it's just that you don't fancy a trip to the shops - you've already found an outfit that makes you feel great and look your best, which can be no mean feat with formalwear. So fair enough that you'd want to wear that favourite outfit on two very and equally special days.

I also can't get too bothered about the idea of photos. How often will the photos be looked at side by side? And even if they're on a mantlepiece together will your outfit really be the focal point? There will be other similarities or even matches - men's suits, perhaps even bridesmaid dresses etc.

Nah - have a chat with them if you haven't already, but I'd crack on, OP Smile

Luckingfovely · 25/07/2019 22:33

@HeadintheiClouds agreed - but sometimes, emotions and feelings and expectations are relevant alongside logical and factored arguments - especially when it comes to family weddings.

How many threads are there here on mn about perceived family slights at weddings? We all know how common it is. And that's why I think the emotions and feelings and expectations around wedding etiquette are relevant here, and both opinions are worth exploring.

HeadintheiClouds · 25/07/2019 22:36

Well, fair enough. We’re all different.

Loveislandaddict · 25/07/2019 22:42

For dc’s, I would get new outfits for both. Second dc may feel a bit put out that you are not buying a new outfit for them, and using wedding 1 cast-offs. Plus, fashions, styles, body shapes etc change over two years..

soupmaker · 25/07/2019 22:49

My DM wore a brand new outfit to my DBs wedding. It was quite a posh do. For our wedding she wore a dress she found in a charity shop and wore a jacket she'd worn with a different outfit for other weddings and a borrowed hat. I did not give a toss. If she'd chosen to wear the same outfit as she did to DBs wedding I would not have given a toss. Ask the DC if they care, and if they do, then charity shop for another outfit. Just don't tell anyone.

justasking111 · 25/07/2019 22:50

DCs two weddings ll months apart. First outfit I hated. Second one I have rejigged for the christenings Grin