To be annoyed with friend's smugness

[ratherstuck]

We've recently moved away from an area where there was only one school with a good reputation, it is also a catholic school. We are not catholic and didn't think we could ever get in to the school so we moved to another area where there are more school choices. My friend started to panic that they are not in a position to move so their dc will have to go to one of the less sought after schools.
Moving away was a decision that was right for our family, there were other reasons why it made sense. I started to feel like my friend resented me for moving, my DC got in to a lovely school and she often grilled me over what the school is like, felt like she was trying to pick holes. She started being a bit rude about the area we moved to as well. She was so worried, she placed her dc in to the nursery attached to the catholic school and got a c of e vicar to write them a letter to say they attended church. They don't, and they are not religious. Their DC came home from nursery clearly having been influence by the ethos and she made fun of it. This annoyed me as they want to send their dc to a religious school but does not follow the faith!
Anyway, the news is that they actually got in! I was happy for them as it is a nice school. But now she is being really smug because she thinks we moved away for nothing. We were clear that schools were only part of the reason. She is making comments along the lines of them still living in a nicer area with a sought after school, whereas we've gone to the effort of moving away and now live in a "less nice area".
I know this all sounds silly now seeing it all written down. But I might snap and point out that they lied to get in to their school!

Your 'friend' doesn't sound all that nice based on what you've written. It's possible her comments were, and maybe still are, a cover for jealousy.

If it's true that she did get a vicar to lie about church attendance she still doesn't have the comfort or satisfaction of knowing that school place was honestly attained. So she can't be generous or happy for you - because her so-called 'win' wasn't fairly one, hence the rubbing it in that you've apparently moved for no good reason. She isn't going to acknowledge all the reasons you moved area because that doesn't suit the story she's telling herself.

I'm surprised a vicar would lie about church attendance tbh. So maybe she hasn't told you the truth about that either. She grills you over all the details of your life - picks holes - but how much do you actually know, for real, about her circumstances? I'd be suspicious. Based on what you've posted I wouldn't say it looks/sounds silly.

Fairly WON, not 'one'

She sounds very childish. What is your response when she makes these comments? I'd be very firm and clear with her. She doesn't sound much like a friend, she is acting more like your competition.

I cannot see how she could get a vicar to lie though AND put to put the lie in writing! Think she is talking rubbish. I think her kid just got in.

Our ds's went to a local church school and, at the initial interview with the head, I told the head that we weren't church goers. She said that wasn't a problem, but since then the criteria has changed. I think it is down to individual schools.

People will do allsorts to get their kids into faith schools. I have an atheist friend that took Sunday School at the local church for a year to ensure her son got in!

OP you moved for your own reasons and hopefully will make better friends in your new neighbourhood!

Faith school have to take a certain percentage to get state funding, they are never 100% faith. Like any school, they will have the pecking order of looked after children as a priority, and so forth

She doesn’t really sound like much of a friend - I’d move on.

She sounds like a twat. Do you want to maintain the friendship? She sounds like a rubbish friend.

Dh and I are atheists and our kids all go to the local Catholic school despite the fact that they know we’re not believers in the faith in any sense. It’s a great wee school and I’m very happy with it.

I’m a bit surprised you moved away rather than approach the Catholic school in your own area to make an enquiry. It doesn’t matter now of course...but yes, you don’t actually always have to be of or practicing the Catholic faith to get a place at a Catholic school.

Fuck them off, OP - life's too short.

Do you need to be friends with her still? She sounds quite annoying. Maybe just let the friendship fizzle out and get to know Mums of kids in your child’s new school? But don’t tell on her re the letter. Lots of people pretend to be religious to get into faith schools, not just her. Stupid system if you ask me. I would have moved if I was you too because I don’t agree with some of the Catholic ideology and wouldn’t send my child to a school based on a faith I don’t agree with. It would be hypocritical in my eyes.

I'd not have the time for nonsense like this, a lot of people are very competitive and jealous.
My friends children went to supposedly very good catholic schools and did very badly, both were badly bullied, onet got just one GCSE and the other few GCSEs and a low grade A level.Also the schools expect you to give donations and used to ring up and harass my friend about it.

Oh the competitiveness amongst 'friends' when it comes to schools! I've experienced the same, it's quite ironic when ultimately, those who end up doing best are not forcibly those who went to the schools their parents lost many nights hoping they'd get a place into!

I'd never send my kids to a Catholic school to be indoctrinated by a religion that relies on everyone being a sinner and other such shit. Would be my response.

She really doesn’t sound like a friend op - I’d let the friendship die off.

You have moved on. Keep going and leave her behind. She is not a friend, school and educational competition brings out the worse in some mums ime. She sounds like a competitive irritation.

Those that have gone private are worse as they have to justify their massive outlay to us plebs. “Best money we ever spent”
Etc. I just smile and nod. You tell yourself that love if it makes you happy. The state secondary is awesome and gets the same results and fewer drug issues

The catholic schools in my area take on a certain percentage of children that are non faith so her child may have secured a place without a letter anyway. Also, I dont think a vicar would write a letter of untruths.

This annoyed me as they want to send their dc to a religious school but does not follow the faith!

That's unfair of you, though. If we didn't have a broken system that had left them (and you) in a position where the only good school in their area was a religious school, then they wouldn't have had any reason to try to get a place there, would they?

You know they only want their child to go there because it's the best school not because it's a faith school. Criticising them for that is pretty low. No child should be left with poorer educational opportunities because they are not a member of a particular religion. Turn your ire on a system that allows that to happen instead.

Her comments to you aren't on, but then nor are yours. You're judging just as much - she didn't have the privilege you did of being able to relocate.

That isn't the behaviour of a friend. It sounds like despite getting a place in the school she is jealous of something. Unless you are able / want to give her concession you might need to move on. Rise above it or ditch

Drop her

Blimey, she sounds tedious.

She sounds immature and childish, why bother continuing the friendship? Just smile and nod when she talks about the school and change the subject to something more interesting.
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There's no way I'd send my child to a faith school, and come the revolution they'll be first to go. You've got principles, you're child is in a good school she's a smug cunt.

@mousetolioness I agree entirely with your post. Op the only person’s opinion of you that really matters is your own.
She is in a world of denial, you are not.

Next time she says it I would just say just say that’s lovely but we didn’t want to go to that school. I do wonder if she’ll regret it a bit in the future as a she’ll have to keep up that lie, join in any school religious activities and submit to her child being taught all of the religious side. I’d rather move like you did.