To be annoyed with friend's smugness

[ratherstuck]

We've recently moved away from an area where there was only one school with a good reputation, it is also a catholic school. We are not catholic and didn't think we could ever get in to the school so we moved to another area where there are more school choices. My friend started to panic that they are not in a position to move so their dc will have to go to one of the less sought after schools.
Moving away was a decision that was right for our family, there were other reasons why it made sense. I started to feel like my friend resented me for moving, my DC got in to a lovely school and she often grilled me over what the school is like, felt like she was trying to pick holes. She started being a bit rude about the area we moved to as well. She was so worried, she placed her dc in to the nursery attached to the catholic school and got a c of e vicar to write them a letter to say they attended church. They don't, and they are not religious. Their DC came home from nursery clearly having been influence by the ethos and she made fun of it. This annoyed me as they want to send their dc to a religious school but does not follow the faith!
Anyway, the news is that they actually got in! I was happy for them as it is a nice school. But now she is being really smug because she thinks we moved away for nothing. We were clear that schools were only part of the reason. She is making comments along the lines of them still living in a nicer area with a sought after school, whereas we've gone to the effort of moving away and now live in a "less nice area".
I know this all sounds silly now seeing it all written down. But I might snap and point out that they lied to get in to their school!

There's a reason for the saying 'nobody likes a smug git'. I'd suggest to your 'friend' that she Googles it. And bin the friendship.

Incidentally, the behaviour of the Vicar sounds incredibly unethical for a man/woman of the cloth.

Why are you still friends with her, she sounds horrible

You call this woman your friend - Block, block, block

I don't know, I think quite often when people are accused of being smug, it's actually the jealousy of the person who believes they're on the receiving end that makes it seem that way.

Are you sure you don't feel you moved away for nothing, at least a little bit? Are you sure you weren't a little bit smug when you were able to get the good school believing your friend's child wouldn't?

Either way, you don't seem to like each other much, so I imagine the friendship will fizzle out now you live apart and DC will be at different schools.

You don’t have to believe in the religion to attend that school. My DC had no choice but to go to a CofE school, it was either that or attend a Catholic school. We are Atheist but I think CofE is the less strict of the two religions so plucked for that .

Anyway, your friend just sounds like a bit of an arse tbh. You don’t live near her anymore so I’d just drop contact.

You don’t sound like friends, either of you.

YANBU

You both sound as if you’ve moved on. It seems like the friendship isn’t a good fit anymore on either side.

I'd just smile and nod and say 'we feel very happy with the choices we have made' and leave it at that. It will annoy her not to have a more indepth discussion where she can score points by finding fault with the different choice you made.

I had a friend like that and eventually we distanced ourselves. It was exhausting listening to her. She said everything with a smile and seemed very self-satisfied with her decisions but had to conclude she was actually insecure about them else she wouldn't have to keep going on about it trying to reassure herself. The trouble is you get pulled into the competitiveness and I know now it would have been better to take the high road and smile and not engage.

Blimey, the local catholic girls school to me has a good reputation as a school but has an awful reputation for girls getting pregnant. It doesnt matter what school you go to its how you are brought up imo. For what its worth my step sister 'paid' a 'fee' to get her 4 non catholic children into a catholic primary school a few years ago!

Is this all you have to worry about ? Are you bored @ratherstuck ?

She doesn't sound like a very good friend now does she. She was obviously very jealous that you relocated and she was completely unsupportive. She now thinks she has done one better than you and is being incredibly childish over it. I would distance myself from her personally.

We had one of the keeping up with the Jones....
My DD was having great fun telling her friend expensive toys she was putting on Birthday list....the mum brought them all for her child 3 months before hand for her child's birthday, mine played with them, then told me,. Oh don't buy them mum....bored of them now....
My little madam also said I was booking 2 weeks in Disney Florida.....they went... We were never doing that.....

I'd go with "I'm really pleased with our new school. It's so important that kids get to mix with children of all faiths, and have genuinely informative RE classes that encourage them to think critically about all religions and faiths before choosing - if they so wish - to join one".

As mentioned doubt a c of e vicar counts for a Catholic school.
I’m against state schools having any religious affiliation. My children go to a private C of E school (I was raised Catholic but we do not observe any particular religion as a family, other than I would say we are Christian if pushed) but other than a personal development talk every other week at the church and annual carol service you wouldn’t know it.
I will be trying to get my daughter into a c of e state sixth form (because it’s the best option) but it would never occur to me to lie or try and get someone to lie on my behalf - there’s something really wrong about lying to get into a Christian school!

Of course you both want your children to get in to a good school. Maybe you started this yourself when you moved because the area doesn’t have good schools. Perhaps she thought you were being smug.

You both got good schools, bang your heads together and move on.

I feel your pain. I too have a competitive friend, and I must say I can get a bit the same with her, I'm not like it with anyone else, but she just rubs me up the wrong way. I have improved since I realised how silly it all is. We were best friend's and are still good friends as she is lovely, but I just can't cope with it when it comes to being competitive about kids so I had to back off from the friendship.
The reason I mention this is you sound a bit like me, that having such a competitive friend trying to push you into conversations inorder to get information about your life so she can one up you. You can still be friends, but it's difficult to be close when it's about kids, as we tend to take it to heart.

She's a nasty bitch, end of.

Don't waste your time with such losers, they are joy suckers. Find new friends. Moving is a perfect excuse to dump her bitter ass

So I'm fairly sure she would say the same thing about you as you are about her
I have to say I wonder about that. There isn't much smugness and competition where there isn't someone to be so with.

I'm wondering whether she would say that you were smug about being in a position to move, mentioning how you didn't have to worry about your kids going to a bad school any longer and going on about how great the new school.

Her attitude about her place in the Catholic school might be in return to your attitude and at least her believing that you are not as happy that she got the place as you claim.

I personally hate these kind of clicks and made sure to move away from them when parents found themselves in the same situation.

Kids are now over 18, with some having gone to schools in different towns, others private, others in the exclusive school having supposedly found religion and others just had to go to the poorly performing local school.

The determinant of those who had the best results at GCSEs and A levels and ended up going for more competitive studies was not the secondary or 6th form schools they went to but much more their motivation, hard working attitude and ambitions.

OP your friend sounds horrible. But she may he dim as well as nasty. Most C of E clergy would not lie outright-the letter might actually be phrased in a way which makes it clear to anyone intelligent that they had the child Christened as a baby and since then have one turned up to one carol service! Many faith schools would see that for what it was.

Competitive parenting is very draining.

You don't have to discuss SATS. I've never discussed results with anyone outside family. She can check the league tables to see if her child's school did better than yours, if she's that bothered, but your child's personal results are nothing to do with anyone else.

Why are you friends with this woman? Not only is she irritating and smug, but she's a hypocrite who lied about her religious faith in order to get her DC into the only decent school in the area. I'd cut your ties with her and find some new friends.

@ratherstuck

Why are you friends? She sounds awful.

Give her a wide berth.