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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off about how DH speaks to me if anything wakes him in the night?

101 replies

JennaJaney · 24/07/2019 12:04

DH has a tendency to think that the whole household should revolve around him. He is a reasonably light sleeper and in the last few months has taken to speaking to me like shit and really telling me off if I do anything that wakes him in the night, such as go to the loo (which I rarely do in the night anyway as I'm a light sleeper).

About a month ago I had a chest infection and obviously this meant I had a nasty cough. I deliberately slept down on the sofa as I knew my coughing would wake him. However he still hear me coughing downstairs at about 3am and came down shouting at me to 'stop making noise in the middle of the night' and acted as though I was being unreasonable when I said I couldn't help it.

Then last night we slept with windows open throughout the house and in the early hours I was woken up by rain, thunder and lightening, which was very noisy. I thought it would probably wake DH up so I got up and closed a couple of windows and one of them made a creaking noise. DH immediately got out of bed and charged into the room where I was, shouting at me and calling me useless and inconsiderate. I said 'oh for gods sake' and he then said 'YES! For god's sake at your behaviour'. I asked why he was being nasty and he said 'YOU are the one being nasty' and then stomped off to bed.

I started to cry and went downstairs and eventually he came down and apologised because he was 'tired' but it feels like too little, too late. He always tries to tell me off over things that as a grown adult I can do if I wish. Then tells me I'm the one being horrible or nasty when I haven't done anything wrong.

AIBU to be upset by this and to be questioning whether I want to even stay together?

OP posts:
legalseagull · 24/07/2019 12:06

YANBU you can't walk on egg shells in your own house! Being scared to cough for fear of being told off is ridiculous. You shouldn't live like that

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/07/2019 12:06

He sounds like a nasty, selfish twat.

I wouldn’t want to live the rest of my life tiptoeing around someone as aggressively and self-focused as that, receiving abuse for nothing at all.

PineappleSeahorse · 24/07/2019 12:07

YANBU. He sounds vile and you deserve better than this self centred, abusive manchild.

Ellabella989 · 24/07/2019 12:08

He sounds like an absolute prick! Yes it’s a bit annoying (selfishly) when you are trying to sleep and someone keeps coughing but as a loving partner he should have been supportive and making sure you were ok and comfortable

VivienneHolt · 24/07/2019 12:08

He sounds like a total prick. Of course you are questioning whether you want to be with someone like that!

ColaFreezePop · 24/07/2019 12:09

He's unreasonable.

You need to sort it out with him or end the relationship.

Redshoeblueshoe · 24/07/2019 12:09

Fucking hell he really is a twat.

Sparkle733 · 24/07/2019 12:09

He needs to grow up!

ineedaholidaynow · 24/07/2019 12:09

Do you have children? If you do does he do the same to them?

I couldn’t live with someone like that, sorry OP Flowers

Sexnotgender · 24/07/2019 12:11

YANBU, he sounds like an arsehole.

Celebelly · 24/07/2019 12:11

Bloody hell, that's rotten! What a tosser. Does he wear earplugs? White noise machine?

ColdCucumber · 24/07/2019 12:14

What a prince among men.
If he was muttering while half asleep then ok but to deliberately seek you out to berate you for a creaky window and worse, a chesty cough when you're already downstairs is poor form.

Have a chat with him about ear plugs and see if he's willing to make adjustments.

Goodnightjude1 · 24/07/2019 12:16

YANBU I would have shut the window....with his head in it, if he spoke to me like that!
How on earth does he expect you not to cough during the night when you have a chest infection?? Incredibly selfish, self absorbed man...I couldn’t live like that.

EvaHarknessRose · 24/07/2019 12:17

Many men think this. Stop pandering, do exactly as you wish without consideration to his needs and he may realise how easy life has been made for him at your expense. Take the power.

Sicario · 24/07/2019 12:17

Pack a bag. Tell him he'll be able to sleep much better now because you won't be there.

SplendidDaysInTheGarden · 24/07/2019 12:18

My ex was like this. Would fall asleep on the sofa in the evening and still be there in the morning when I came downstairs to make breakfast before work (I started work a couple of hours earlier than him) He would absolutely flip out as I put on the kettle and speak to me like I was a piece of shit. If I suggested he should sleep upstairs and then he wouldn't be disturbed, I got a mouthful of abuse. The lack of respect was palpable. I finished it sharpish. Life's too short for such wankish tat.

Shoxfordian · 24/07/2019 12:19

He doesn't sound like someone who cares very much about you

MitziK · 24/07/2019 12:19

In fairness, I was borderline murderous when DP woke me up regularly each night by putting the main light on, listening to podcasts and generally getting up several times to fanny about. But I do have massive sleep issues, so one light switched on (including the landing or bathroom) or noise will ping me awake until around 4.30am - I couldn't function properly at work, but this continued for months.

I did rip his head off a few times in the end. These days, he makes sure there are no lights or 'non natural' sounds around me if I'm asleep and, despite being kept awake until 2/3am most nights, I can just about manage on about 5 hours.

I sleep through thunderstorms without any problem, though. It's human generated noise in the house that wakes me up.

LittleLongDog · 24/07/2019 12:20

He came downstairs to have a go at you for coughing when you had already moved down to the sofa for him??

What a horrible man.

Sianlouise432 · 24/07/2019 12:20

In the past when I had an ex that snored the house down, I bought ear plugs and went to sleep earlier than he did. That's just the difference between men and women though -.-
If I were you, I'd just carry on making noise and push his limits 😂 he will realise he is being irrational eventually. In all seriousness though, maybe he needs to see the GP because being a light sleeper is one thing but being such a light sleeper you end up raging is another.

Zippyx · 24/07/2019 12:25

LTB please.

TheSandgroper · 24/07/2019 12:27

Cointreau for dessert with Phenergan as a topping

NottonightJosepheen · 24/07/2019 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunburntnoseandears · 24/07/2019 12:29

A shed on the garden would be a good idea.
Or ltb an even better one.

user1491678180 · 24/07/2019 12:29

@JennaJaney

Wow what a nasty man he sounds.

I could NOT spend my life with a man like this.

It sounds like low-level abuse to me. He is controlling you, your moods, and your behaviour.

I have known a number of women with men like this/exes like this, who, if they are in a bad mood, make sure the WHOLE HOUSEHOLD suffers. Every member of the family suffers if HE is in a bad mood.

Some men tend to have this weird tendency to think they are entitled to be a cunt to everyone, if THEY have had a bad day. The whole mood of the house is dependent on what mood they come home from work in/wake up in.

Seen it happen many times. Typical behaviour (of many men.) Controlling, childish, passive-aggressive, manipulative, and destructive.

Seen too many women put up with it too! If they didn't, these men would not have so much power and control.

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