To feel sad my childbearing days are over?

[GizzardChops]

Slightly self-indulgent thread, but does anyone feel similar? AIBU to feel this way?

I am mid-thirties and have two beautiful DC, the second is still a baby (although no longer a newborn!). I know I am very fortunate.

I'm so done, logically speaking, I know having another DC wouldn't be a great idea. I love my children more than anything, but I often find parenting so hard and the patience required doesn't come naturally to me. Going from one to two children has been a huge strain in many ways. The sleep deprivation is unreal. My house is often a mess. I miss the freedom of life pre-children. I struggle with making friends with other mums. Two is enough for me, two is lovely. My husband agrees.

BUT the non-logical part of me feels a sense of sadness/longing about it. Never being pregnant again (lord knows why as I have had awful, prolonged sickness both times!) and having the wonderful feeling of life growing inside me, the baby kicking, the anticipation.
Never giving birth again, having the amazing moment of meeting that tiny new life for the first time.
I suppose it feels like my function (biologically speaking) is over and it's kind of hard to accept?

I know this is pretty ridiculous in the scheme of things. I know I'm lucky, and I'm excited about seeing my wonderful children grow up and about all the milestones to come, but I still can't shake the feelings described above. It's taken me by surprise. It's like the end of a chapter in my life I guess. It's playing on my mind a lot at the moment. Will it pass?

Oh It will pass. Honestly, the best is yet to come.

I agree with pinkhouses, you are young and hopefully will have a great life ahead!

I'm mid 30s and still TCC after years of trying. You're right, you are very fortunate.

*TTC. No idea what TCC would even be...

I think it’s pretty normal to feel like this when your dc are still quite young. As they get older and they’re easier to do stuff with / take out to places / actually have a life with the thought of having a baby again tends to fill people with dread! It will get easier.

I’m in exactly the same position. I also have 2, the youngest is 14 months.

Instinctively I’d love another baby. I fantasise about getting pregnant again. Practically I know it’s a bad idea.

I think it’s very natural to feel like this and I’m confident it will pass. It’s pure biological urge. What we’re primed to do. 🤷‍♀️

I could have written your post (bar the sickness, my pregnancies were “easy” yet I had terrible anxiety)... it’s such a weird feeling. I hope it passes soon, otherwise I don’t know if I’ll be able to resist!

It passes. It may return from time to time but as your family moves through all the different stages it changes. I think it hit me again when youngest was about 8/9 when he started to want to not do so much we me anymore. Then I realised I didn't want another baby I just wanted to go back and do the early years again. I missed the simple thing like going to feed the ducks. It too passed and now I am enjoying my freedom now they are teenagers.

When my youngest turned about 18months it kicked in that you will never have a cute baby, breastfeed or be pregnant again and then as they grow up - start to sleep through, dress themselves etc and watch their independence grow / personality develop you realise there is much more exciting times ahead when they are no longer a baby. For me that happened when DS2 was about 3.

My two are primary school age now, and yes the thought of going back to nappies / potty training / sleepless nights / buggies etc fills me dread. If my two wake up early, they can get up themselves and turn the telly on, get some cereal etc.

Good friend of mine had a baby recently, I can go hold her little one and give it back Seeing how tired she is, reinforces why I don't want another baby!

My sister was like you and just couldn't bear not to be pregnant, but she had less self-control and had four!

Struggling with this at the moment. Youngest is 10 so growing up fast now. It’s hard knowing I will never get to do the baby and toddler bit again, and I may be unusual but those were definitely my happiest times, I adored every bit of the under 5 stages.
I’m menopausal now so it’s all a bit emotional at the moment anyway. I would give anything do it all again.

I feel the exact same. We’ve decided to stop with just one DS and while the rational part of me knows that’s the right decision for us, I can’t help but wonder ‘What if...’ As another PP said, I think at least part of it is sadness that DS is getting bigger and no longer the tiny cute baby who relied completely on me. I don’t necessarily want another baby but i’d quite like DS to be wee again.

But then I remember the labour and verrrry relieved I got off pretty lucky there, and won’t be doing that again.

@Catchphrase - I'm sorry, I can only imagine how hard that must be. I appreciate my post probably seems ridiculous from your POV, but it's how I feel right now.

@Fairylea the thought of another baby already fills me with dread (I breed high needs, non-sleeping, velcro babies) but yet I still feel a sense of longing. It's weird and not at all logical!

At least I'm not alone, I feel a bit ridiculous to even be thinking these thoughts. I know DH would never agree to a third so that's helpful. Biological urge sounds about right, that's what it feels like!

Yes I understand this, I too am very lucky to have an 8 and 5year old, boy and a girl so all perfect! One minute I am like no way, i want money, it's getting easier, i want to move forward and have a nice life and not be held back by financial strains of maternity leave, the sleepless nights-omg they dont end, they still are ongoing!! Childbirth felt like torture, i go off sex when pregnant and also when baby is here as so focused on them so then feel pressure of pleasing husband and neglect him but then on the otherside im like it's so sad i will never feel the kicks, the special first photos in the hospital, the excitement of birth approaching, the excitement of the scans, i suppose all the attention that goes with it too, i will not be able to announce i am pregnant again or share a photo of my children holding a scan photo and being excited or telling them they are having another baby sibling, even when i feel sick and take a test just to rule out pregnancy theres always that slight hope even though it would set us back as a family and we would struggle financially. I think what will be will be but yes i do have opposite thoughts for and against all the time! But can i just add i know how lucky i am and the above stuff is really not important i am aware how pathetic some of it sounds and there are real problems out there.

But then I remember the labour and verrrry relieved I got off pretty lucky there, and won’t be doing that again.

I'm very lucky that I had two pretty awesome labours, particularly the second one. Actually that's the bit I'd probably most like to do again!

It's totally normal and as a pp said it does get better.

I really wanted more than 2 (but pregnancy and birth are absolutely not my thing and dh couldn't face doing it all again). I felt so sad at the end of each stage, I am pretty sure I grieved at the end of bf.

I am way past that now. My 2 are at school, they are pretty independent and I have my life back

I was in the supermarket a couple of years ago, kids were both out with friends and I was just getting some bits for dinner before I went to yoga and the woman in front of me had a baby and a toddler. In the past I would have had the gut churning moment of regret but not anymore I remember thinking how happy I was that all that was behind me.

Kids were with their grandparents last weekend and dh and I have had an awesome time. I don't think I have been this tired since the new born days!!

I think the feelings you’re describing are Mother Nature or survival instincts kicking in. ‘Keep humans going’
I’ve had 5 and love having a big family, but the feelings of ‘id love another one’ to ‘I’d like to return one’ happen regularly.
Don’t beat yourself up ref messy house. I don’t clean the front room until after 3pm -4pm. Then it’s dinner, then bed. So at least when chilling as babies sleep, I have a relatively tidy home.
Mother Nature is a manipulative madam. She toys with us yet she’s not the one vomiting in pregnancy, not the one constipated. Not the one squeezing a baby out of a small hole or tummy. Not the one having her boobies sucked and stretched. Not the one getting up at night. Not the bad guy for trying to parent appropriately. Not the one bored senseless of Wind the bobbin up literally 50 times a day!!!!! Not the one going through a levels with kids, GCSE’s, nursery, check ups, marine entry, developmental checks, dentist appt, potty training.
Mother Nature gives us the urges, but then buggers off for the hard bits.
I wish Mother Nature would actually give everyone who wanted to be a mum or dad the chance to be one. The reality is chaos but it’s true to life and all the bad bits get you to the good bits.
Ignore Mother Nature and send her on her way to someone who wants her.
I’m 44 and very much looking forward to menopause. Children grow up so fast, blink and you miss it.....but in the other hand, they not move out quickly enough x

I'm here with you too OP. My youngest is a toddler and definitely not a baby any more. I realistically do not want any more children. I know it wouldn't be great on the family. I already feel knackered and emotionally stretched. But, I have the same pangs of almost sadness that I'll never do it again. pregnancy was hard but lovely and so special newborn stage is terrifying and amazing. I think it's normal and natural to feel like this. I want more babies because they're lovely and snuggly and my body tells me to but really I want the next stage of some freedom and some sleep. I just have to quietly wait for the broodiness to pass and wait for it to actually get easier so I appreciate all that.

After my youngest was born I knew I was done, completely convinced and happy, children are now teenagers. I’m about to be 40 and suddenly the idea of having just one more has gripped me fiercely, it’s completely taken me by surprise.

I'm so glad you've posted. I've been feeling quite ridiculous this past week.
I have birth to Number 3 last week.

She is our last. Definitely. Awful pregnancy that never ended and I could never go through that again.

Space and money wise 3 is enough. I don't even want 4 children!

But why am I feeling sad that it's all over! Surely I should be happy that I will never have to struggle through pregnancy or labour again?!

I feel exactly the same OP. I have two and it is much much harder than I ever imagined. I also hated being pregnant and have been left with some mild health issues long term.

But... the smell of a newborn baby, the way they curl up when having a cuddle, urgh my ovaries ache to do it all again. I am done. Three children is not on the agenda. It silk makes me sad thou.

I had this from when my youngest turned about 18 months. For me it grew and grew. He turned 3 in April and started pre-school in May. Watching him scoot off in his little polo shirt and school shoes with his big sister(4.5) was lovely but so poignant. I was pregnant 3 weeks later! Pretty sure I’ll have similar feelings as this one grows up as I live little kids but I know 3 is our limit so I’ll just be looking to savour the final go at each stage.

I’m 28 and have a one year old. We won’t have any more because although I adore DD, she’s my whole world I just can’t handle another.

I feel sad that I’ll never be pregnant again, or give birth. I absolutely loved giving birth and breastfeeding my baby. Something that I think will come to an end soon too!

I think it’s normal and a cavewoman thing. When I think about the reality of another baby the feeling goes away.

I completely have the same feelings. But I had a pregnancy scare last month and my instinct was that I didn’t want it. And that told me a lot. I just can’t risk anything now. I feel so lucky to have the two children I have and whilst I can get misty eyed imagining a third realistically that’s because I’m not imagining the tiredness, the snapping at my other children because I’m so stretched, or potentially having a third with health issues or some other unexpected thing. I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering if we should’ve had one more, but I’m trying to recognise it as more of a sense of loss and nostalgia for the two times I’ve already done it and to try and cherish those memories while looking to the future now.