To feel sad my childbearing days are over?

[GizzardChops]

Slightly self-indulgent thread, but does anyone feel similar? AIBU to feel this way?

I am mid-thirties and have two beautiful DC, the second is still a baby (although no longer a newborn!). I know I am very fortunate.

I'm so done, logically speaking, I know having another DC wouldn't be a great idea. I love my children more than anything, but I often find parenting so hard and the patience required doesn't come naturally to me. Going from one to two children has been a huge strain in many ways. The sleep deprivation is unreal. My house is often a mess. I miss the freedom of life pre-children. I struggle with making friends with other mums. Two is enough for me, two is lovely. My husband agrees.

BUT the non-logical part of me feels a sense of sadness/longing about it. Never being pregnant again (lord knows why as I have had awful, prolonged sickness both times!) and having the wonderful feeling of life growing inside me, the baby kicking, the anticipation.
Never giving birth again, having the amazing moment of meeting that tiny new life for the first time.
I suppose it feels like my function (biologically speaking) is over and it's kind of hard to accept?

I know this is pretty ridiculous in the scheme of things. I know I'm lucky, and I'm excited about seeing my wonderful children grow up and about all the milestones to come, but I still can't shake the feelings described above. It's taken me by surprise. It's like the end of a chapter in my life I guess. It's playing on my mind a lot at the moment. Will it pass?

@Blankspace4 nobody here is saying they’re not grateful for what they’ve got.
Infertility is a different issue. Parents have feelings about their lives as parents that are valid and they need a space to air them - just as people with infertility have valid feelings that they need to be able to sit without being dismissed by others.

It’s sadder when your “childbearing days” never even start due to infertility.

Be grateful for what you have.

I'm sorry you've struggled with infertility, its nature's cruelest trick that those who desperately want to be parents so very often can't be. DH and I had problems in this area for many years with unexplained infertility and recurrent miscarriages.

However other people's infertility does not mean that the OP is not allowed to acknowledge her feelings about her childbearing days being over, your struggles don't negate hers and her current feelings don't mean she isn't grateful for her DC.

For everything my 11 month old learns to do or every time she's in a new size, it makes really broody! Although right now is not a good time, mo partner and couldn't afford one anyway! Hopefully more in the future, still dread it won't happen though!

OP I feel you, I hated being pregnant but that first 2 weeks of a newborn, the haze of love, sleeplessness and complete bliss, it makes me sad that I will never get that again.

I know my family is complete but its the longing I never thought I'd feel. Hoping it will pass.

I feel exactly the same! Got 2 and that’s enough for all the reasons you say, but I still feel sad. I too had awful prolonged sickness and it was hideous yet I still feel sad to not go through it all again?! I think it’s just that however hard it is there’s no feeling like it and it’s such a special experience. I just keep telling myself that it is purely natures way of getting us to procreate! It’s a biological drive that isn’t always logical.

Apologies, my post was short, it wasn’t intended to disrespect the OP or anyone else.

I still get twinges of goofiness, and I'm in myb40's and a grandmother!!
It has not me on and off over the years and I'm well aware it's totally daft.
But I also think it's quite natural and very common - and like any other urge, you can acknowledge it to yourself without having to act on it.

*goofiness!! There's a Freudian slip !!!!! I meant broodiness

Yes, I am. Principally because the decision for those days to be over was hugely painful, because in 12 years of trying and successive miscarriages I had been able to have one DC but not the sibling we longed for.

The decision to give up trying still hurts, but I've made peace with it and I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I know some couples who came out on the other end of infertility without a child at all. And a friend whose husband had been trying for a baby with her, then embarked on a succession of affairs, ending in her being alone in her late 30s and with no prospect of having the family she craved.

Been feeling unaccountably bad about it this week in particular for some odd reason. Maybe it's that school's just finished and most of the classmates we run into during the holiday have siblings with them to play with. Makes me feel like an awful mother who has failed my DC.

I wanted a 4th child when my 3rd was around 1 or 2. EXH flatly said no (thank goodness).

I think it’s normal to hanker after more children or the continued excitement of meeting new little babies, but it definitely passes.

My 3 are now cynical (but funny and I love them) teenagers, and it’s hard to remember wanting more babies.

And now I am really infertile (probably) as time dictates, but I care much less than I would have anticipated.

I'm 39 with one ds 5 and I'm done,I'm also possibly entering the perimenopause.I have absolutely no desire to do the baby thing again

Best thing i ever done was be sterilised after my 3rd, i was only 23 but i have never ever regretted it. I now have an empty house(most of the time) and love it. My BF had her last at 42 (first at 19) and i just feel so sorry that she will have spent all of her life raising children. She gets so jealous when i bugger off on holiday, have a weekend away or go out as she has been stuck in the house for years. Life is to short to spend too many years raising lots of children

I really want a third. The thought that we are done saddens me. Realistically it wouldn't be a good idea, money, room, way of life for the other two but that isn't stopping how I feel. Oh wouldn't mind either way. I've kept everything, car seat, clothes, pram. Not sure what to do.

I hear you. I was done with 3 and just had our 4th oops baby. I'm grieving the fact that I'll definitely never have another as I wasnt even planning on this one. 4 is way too many. But it's all so magical its hard to move on from...

@omione that's exactly what I'm holding out for. I had my first at 22 and our last at 27. While my overuse are slightly sad I love the idea that at 40 I will have a lot of freedom!

contraceptionismyfriend Enjoy the freedom, it truly is magical