To feel sad my childbearing days are over?

[GizzardChops]

Slightly self-indulgent thread, but does anyone feel similar? AIBU to feel this way?

I am mid-thirties and have two beautiful DC, the second is still a baby (although no longer a newborn!). I know I am very fortunate.

I'm so done, logically speaking, I know having another DC wouldn't be a great idea. I love my children more than anything, but I often find parenting so hard and the patience required doesn't come naturally to me. Going from one to two children has been a huge strain in many ways. The sleep deprivation is unreal. My house is often a mess. I miss the freedom of life pre-children. I struggle with making friends with other mums. Two is enough for me, two is lovely. My husband agrees.

BUT the non-logical part of me feels a sense of sadness/longing about it. Never being pregnant again (lord knows why as I have had awful, prolonged sickness both times!) and having the wonderful feeling of life growing inside me, the baby kicking, the anticipation.
Never giving birth again, having the amazing moment of meeting that tiny new life for the first time.
I suppose it feels like my function (biologically speaking) is over and it's kind of hard to accept?

I know this is pretty ridiculous in the scheme of things. I know I'm lucky, and I'm excited about seeing my wonderful children grow up and about all the milestones to come, but I still can't shake the feelings described above. It's taken me by surprise. It's like the end of a chapter in my life I guess. It's playing on my mind a lot at the moment. Will it pass?

I think the feeling goes away.

I have 2 which are 6&8 and I couldn’t think of anything worse then to get pregnant now.

I love them and the fact there older means I’m not getting more freedom.

I’m also 29 and love the thought of being 40 with a 19& 17 year old.

Freedom! ..

I think this is natural TBH. Nature want us to keep on conceiving .I read somewhere that most women would like "just one more" but the average size family in GB /world is about 2.4, so they must be ignoring their urges!.Its easy to forget what life is like with a newborn, (hard) then when you factor in 2 small children on top .Its tiring just thinking about it!

I had four in under six years and it was hectic. My youngest is 9 now and I miss them al being little. I don’t want another baby, I’m 44 now. I just want to rewind time and have them little again. I am working again and enjoying having some independence though. We just want it all don’t we?

Personally I don't think it's a biological urge. The biological urge we have is for sex - there was no reason for evolution to include an urge to have children as the sex part has (had) that covered!
I think it's more that women feel special and important and valued when pregnant/in charge of very young babies - despite all the bad biological things that go along with those things.

I don't agree. My desire to have a baby felt very primal - it was physical, the need to hold a baby in my arms, to feed it, soothe it, nurture it. The other, more social aspects were there too, but the primary drive felt very animal, if you know what I mean. I have certainly not felt more valued by society since becoming a mother

I think if you were relying on the female libido to drive procreation, there'd be a lot more one-child families...

It will pass.
Give it time.
Two kids is lovely - and plenty.

I hear you. I had my child quite late as had to have loads of IVF. Feels like 5 mins ago that I had a baby and now she's nearly seven and I'm in the throes of peri menopause. Think a mid life crisis might be beckoning

jumping on this thread, this is me currently but with a slight variation.
I have 2 DS, 8 and 2, i am no longer with their dad but i do have a new partner, who i have know for years, he has 1 DD.
so between us we have 3 DC, but i cant get the idea of a 4th :( even though i know it would be hard work with 4, the mess, the cost etc.
On hard days we say we dont want anymore, but then we say never say never, what would you lot do?

Wait til you have a teenager - youll be glad you stopped at 2 lol!!!

Nope totally happy with the two I had (plus two steps who moved in with us in their teens). No desire at all to go through all that again. Had mine in my 40s discovered I’m not a natural mother and never get broody. Do feel sorry for poor mums in this heat dealing with babies and toddlers (I had my first during massive heatwave).

I feel the exact same. I’ve actually never heard anyone say ‘the best is yet to come’ so I’m going to start telling myself that if I feel the urge to have another ☺️

To the PPs saying it'll pass when will it pass please???!!! My youngest is over 2.5yrs and I'd really love another baby (same as the Op I get terrible sickness so it's definitely not easy being pregnant). However, it's likely I can't as I was nearly 41 when I had the youngest and I've had 2 mcs since.

Had to laugh because after commenting on this thread my lovely teenagers (having obviously considered the options as I’ve just gotten remarried) just brought the subject up and suggested to me that a little sibling might be quite nice and one has volunteered that they would happily share a room with a sibling until they move out. It seems they wanted me to know that if we were considering it then they were onboard, I’m beginning to think they may be mind readers!

Would had I have a a large family and my eldest children are late teens.

This could be me and DS2 is only 10 weeks! I moaned all the way through pregnancy, birth did a number on my body, we always wanted two and to get the baby stage done while we're in our early thirties and that's exactly what we'll have done. So why do I feel so sad? In the first couple of weeks I felt a great sadness that I'll never have a daughter. Not to say I am at all disappointed with a second boy, more of a realisation that I'll just never experience having a girl. Now I find myself almost mourning time passing, I got teary the other day rocking and singing DS2 thinking he'll grow up so quickly and very soon I won't be doing this any more. I feel ridiculous really as I'm so lucky to have two healthy boys and still be relatively young but you're not alone.

I have a 2 year old and a 10 week old and already would like another. Pregnancy is exciting and newborns are so beautiful. But I had terrible pregnancies with HG and was sterilised during my c section as I knew realistically I couldn't do pregnancy again. With me, I feel sad because every stage with my 10 week old is the last - growing out of size 1 nappies, her newborn sized clothes etc and I'll never experience it again. Maybe deep down you're not finished at 2 children?

You’re not unusual or unreasonable at all. But it will pass. I am early forties and have a grandchild and when he was on the way I was worried I’d be so broody as I loved my baby stage days. But it’s actually been the complete opposite - it’s reminded me of the crappy times and the relentlessness of it all and I am so so glad I get to hand him back!!!
Children are fun and tweenagers as well- and then teens and adult “children” are a whole new level of enjoyment (and terror) so the best is definitely still to come.

Oh gosh, this. Mine are 3, 2 and 5 weeks and still I'm sad my baby is my last child. A fourth just isn't workable but the feelings have taken me wholly by surprise. Hoping it's just hormones and will settle, but very glad to hear I'm not alone. Thanks for posting x

I feel exactly the same and actually came on to post something similar. I’m mid 30s with 2 children, planned to have a big family but it didn’t happen and now I’m a single mum. I’d jump at the chance for another one if the opportunity came but it seems unlikely now. A friend just announced her 6th pregnancy and I’m overwhelmed with jealousy. Ignore the ‘be grateful for the children you already have’ it’s an insensitive comment as if you want another baby to replace your children you’re allowed to be upset by it. Sorry I can’t help I just hope we get through it

So many lovely (and reassuring!) responses, thank you, they've been a pleasure to read. It's clearly not an uncommon feeling!

That Huffpost link makes interesting reading too though. I can see there may be truth in it!

Maybe deep down you're not finished at 2 children?
I definitely am, and even if I wasn't then my husband would definitely not be talked around. It's definitely not on the cards for us. My DC2 is six months old, sleep is utter crap, very high-needs, I have found maternity leave very lonely - I couldn't do all this again.

Which is why this urge/longing is so weird.

@Catchphrase infertility is awful and I know exactly how it feels. However, you can’t just dismiss OPs feelings. It’s a dangerous and isolating path to start walking when you’re dealing with infertility. Parents face struggles and you’re going to hear about them a lot. For your own sake,you need to find a way to deal with them.

OP, I know exactly how you feel. The idea of another child keeps creeping up on me yet I know it’s really a terrible idea. I couldn’t face going through ttc again and the years of pain it took to become a parent...but equally I keep getting this ache to do it again. It really is a primative urge. I feel sad that I won’t snuggle a newborn in the sofa and carry them in a sling close to my body.

I still bf my youngest and I think I’m clinging onto that for dear life.
I’m sure it will pass. I keep trying to focus myself on the excitement of each new stage and reminding myself that a tiny baby will grow into a militant toddler...and that thought definitely keeps my womb butterflies in check!

I 100% agree with everything you have said.

I’m mid 30’s, I have two wonderful boys but there will be no more and sometimes I feel so low about it.

The thought of never seeing another second line in a pregnancy test, growing life inside me, feeling the kicks, seeing the scans, meeting the baby for the first time, providing its nourishment and watching it grow etc rather makes me feel quite sad

I know how fortunate I am to have my sons but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel sad about the childbearing days being over.

When my DH had a vasectomy (joint decision) I felt so upset and admittedly did have a few tears because I knew it was the end of the road.

I've just turned 42, I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old. I never wanted kids at all and only had dc1 because dh got broody and I thought it impossible that at my advanced maternal age that I'd conceive in the time limit I put on trying and yet, now there is a little voice in my head suggesting we try for 1 last baby. I get horrendous morning sickness and anemia when pregnant. I have a sub-optimal pelvis and all dh's family have giant heads which don't want to fit. I had postpartum psychosis with dc1 and I'm absolutely happy and grateful for what we have but ....

Sorting through dd's baby clothes for a nearly new sale and then to see if a pregnant friend wants any of the unworn stuff almost had me in tears at the thought that they'd never be another one. I'm chalking it up to hormones and doing my best to ignore it.

I really miss the hectic days when my three were young, and thoroughly enjoy being a hands on nanny. I think I look back with rose tinted spectacles though ( useless now exh plus the worry of a child who didn’t/wouldn’t eat much from aged 6 months to about 17 years) and am quite relieved when my little grandchildren go home to bed!
All I ever wanted as a child was to have babies and be a teacher. I did achieve both and am nostalgic for both.

It doesn't sound like you're done, OP.

I am done. Two HG pregnancies. One child with ASD. So so done. And delighted about it.