I think DP is being miserable and rude, AIBU?

[Palomina]

Just had a row with DP and not sure who’s really in the wrong. It’s my best friend’s wedding this weekend and I’m a bridesmaid and 3 year old DD is a flower girl. I’m happy and excited but also nervous as I’ve never been a bridesmaid before and I’m not sure how DD will be on the day, plus getting there and getting ready etc are a bit complicated as we’re travelling from a few hours drive away and staying in a hotel in a town nearby.

My main stress has been about getting into my dress, it’s a tight squeeze even with frantic dieting and a corset (the dress was unexpectedly small for size and I couldn’t exchange it) so I said something like, I’ll be glad when the wedding is over, SOLELY meaning I don’t have to stress about getting into the dress anymore. My DP seemed to take this as his cue to say how he couldn’t wait for it to be over either as weddings aren’t his thing, he hates the whole set up, resents spending the money on petrol (I’ve paid for the hotel myself) etc etc basically saying he is really pissed off about having to go.

so this really upset me, as now on top of everything else I have to worry about I’ll be conscious of DP hating every minute. I just think it’s so rude as well a) to my friend as she gone to a lot of trouble and expense to entertain and feed us all, and b) to me, as it’s meant to be a special day for me and dd to be part of the wedding party and he knows I’ve been stressed about getting into the dress, so why pile a load of negativity onto me and the whole thing?!

He says he’s ‘just being honest’ and I’ve said, sometimes total honesty is hurtful and unnecessary and I’m disappointed he can’t be more positive and supportive? It’s hardly like I’m dragging him into some awful hellish situation, it’ll be a lovely day and lots of fun for the guests I’m sure.

I just feel down about the whole thing now, but obviously I will do everything to make it the best day possible for my friend as that’s my job and that’s what I want for her. I guess I feel like why can’t he see that that’s what we do for others sometimes as adults? Make the best of things and not be self centred for the sake of others, even if it’s not what we 100% would necessarily like to do?! There are plenty of things he enjoys doing that aren’t really my thing but I support him. Why can’t he do that for me on this occasion? I’ve said he needs to grow up, WIBU?

So you said you would be glad when it was over, he agreed and now he is in the wrong
Think you are overthinking it just go along and have a lovely day, I am sure he will enjoy it when he gets there.

Gosh you're acting like it's you that's getting married! He wouldn't have said anything had you not said that you couldn't wait for it to be over without any context, so I dont really see what he's done wrong here.

Not everyone likes weddings, take the fact that he's agreed to go despite not wanting to goes against the whole last paragraph of your diatribe.

Have you attended weddings with him before now? I do think he should have kept his mouth shut, it was silly of him to jump on your comment.

Your reaction was really odd. I think you should apologise and explain you're stressed and took it out on him.

@PolPotNoodle it wasn’t without context, I said ‘as lovely as it’ll be, I’ll be glad in a way when it’s over as I won’t have to worry about getting into the dress anymore’

Yes I take the point that some people don’t like weddings but why wait until a few days before to suddenly go off on one about how shit it’ll be and how much he’ll hate it when he’s said nothing before?

If he's not looking forward to it, he was probably relieved when you said you weren't and perhaps thought you could have a cathartic moan together.

He couldn't be expected to intuite that you were solely thinking about your dress.

Sounds like something my DH would say and that I would quietly roll my eyes at and ignore. I wouldn't die on this hill if I were you.

Sorry, OP, x-post.

You didn't initially mention you'd told him the dress was your only worry.

He is a bloke. Hardly going to enthuse imo.

Not everyone enjoys longwinded social events like weddings where they don't know that many people (she's your friend rather than his from sound of it). You're over reacting. And why stress about your organisation etc too, it's a wedding, you're a guest not a participant.

Sorry yes reading it back it does look like an overreaction especially as I wasn’t clear about exactly how I’d said it. It was clear to him that I wa sonly talking about the dress. I think the underlying issue here is his negativity about things generally, it’s been getting me down. I do sound like a second hand bridezilla here but that isn’t really the case, I just wish he could be a bit more positive and supportive about stuff. Especially as i suspect he will actually enjoy it on the da

Why would he care about this wedding? You're coming across as a bit hypocritical.

@Palomina 'so I said something like, I’ll be glad when the wedding is over, SOLELY meaning I don’t have to stress about getting into the dress anymore.' That's what you said in your OP. If you cant explain it clearly here then I doubt you were very clear to him.

He didnt wait a few days to do anything, he took your cue of wanting the wedding to be over to state that he wasn't looking forward to it. I think you were harsh towards him and you owe him an apology for jumping down his throat.

just think it’s so rude as well

Well, it's certainly not rude to your friend as she won't know. And it's a bit thought-police-y to want him to be thinking he loves it when he doesn't as long as he puts on a good face on the day.

And it doesn't sound like he meant to be rude to you.

Probably not worth fretting over.

Hi OP

I think I'd let this one go. Yes honesty is sometimes hurtful but assuming he wouldn't say this to your friend. She will never know so there is no need to be so offended on her behalf! I understand not liking weddings. Maybe it's a bit odd that he resents spending money on petrol as after all it's your best friend and I've never been to a wedding where petrol money for the guests was paid for!

I hate weddings too. I don't blame him

Can't you just pay a seamstress/alterations place to let out your dress a bit? Would be better than being uncomfortable all day

Are any of his friends there? If not, it may be that he’s going to feel a little isolated. If you are bridesmaid, you will have a role to play and he may be left alone for long periods. TBH, he’s said he will go, despite really not wanting to, which does suggest he is supporting you by being present, even if not supporting you in his head.

I agree with him here

YABU.

It’s hardly like I’m dragging him into some awful hellish situation, it’ll be a lovely day and lots of fun for the guests I’m sure.

I'd find it hellish.

why are you so sure he'll have 'lots of fun' with your friends?

You should be grateful that he's coming

Yabu. YOU were tude. If a bm of mine said she’d be glad when my wedding was over, she would be a sacked bm.

What is there to hate about weddings? And the poster who has told her husband she won't be attending his children's weddings? Yes, because it's all about you
Only on Mumsnet, honestly.