I think DP is being miserable and rude, AIBU?

[Palomina]

Just had a row with DP and not sure who’s really in the wrong. It’s my best friend’s wedding this weekend and I’m a bridesmaid and 3 year old DD is a flower girl. I’m happy and excited but also nervous as I’ve never been a bridesmaid before and I’m not sure how DD will be on the day, plus getting there and getting ready etc are a bit complicated as we’re travelling from a few hours drive away and staying in a hotel in a town nearby.

My main stress has been about getting into my dress, it’s a tight squeeze even with frantic dieting and a corset (the dress was unexpectedly small for size and I couldn’t exchange it) so I said something like, I’ll be glad when the wedding is over, SOLELY meaning I don’t have to stress about getting into the dress anymore. My DP seemed to take this as his cue to say how he couldn’t wait for it to be over either as weddings aren’t his thing, he hates the whole set up, resents spending the money on petrol (I’ve paid for the hotel myself) etc etc basically saying he is really pissed off about having to go.

so this really upset me, as now on top of everything else I have to worry about I’ll be conscious of DP hating every minute. I just think it’s so rude as well a) to my friend as she gone to a lot of trouble and expense to entertain and feed us all, and b) to me, as it’s meant to be a special day for me and dd to be part of the wedding party and he knows I’ve been stressed about getting into the dress, so why pile a load of negativity onto me and the whole thing?!

He says he’s ‘just being honest’ and I’ve said, sometimes total honesty is hurtful and unnecessary and I’m disappointed he can’t be more positive and supportive? It’s hardly like I’m dragging him into some awful hellish situation, it’ll be a lovely day and lots of fun for the guests I’m sure.

I just feel down about the whole thing now, but obviously I will do everything to make it the best day possible for my friend as that’s my job and that’s what I want for her. I guess I feel like why can’t he see that that’s what we do for others sometimes as adults? Make the best of things and not be self centred for the sake of others, even if it’s not what we 100% would necessarily like to do?! There are plenty of things he enjoys doing that aren’t really my thing but I support him. Why can’t he do that for me on this occasion? I’ve said he needs to grow up, WIBU?

Why don’t you see what alterations can be done to the dress, op? Realistically you’ll be the same size at the weekend, you’ll still be uncomfortable in the dress and it seems it’s a major source of stress for you.
Trying to diet into it was always doomed to fail.

Hi OP,

I would feel the same as you - but you can see from this thread that thats a personality trait that's key to you and I as most people wouldn't be bothered.

I took a personality test through work and it came up with some interesting results - one of my 'triggers' for feeling really bad and retreating into myself can be if other people express negative emotions or don't want to try something new or are overly negative about a situation. I really, really identify with this. I absolutely hate it when someone on a holiday or like in your example is negative about something before its happened or while its happening. I think to myself, "oh for goodness sake, cant you just try and make the most of it?", and it negatively affects my own mood to the point where then I won't be looking forward to it and I think oh its just ruined now. I will always pretend to like something or enjoy it if its for someone who's important to me. Its part of what I do to demonstrate love for someone.

However, I think its worth noticing not everyone is like this, and once you know its 'a thing' about yourself, you can try and not care about it as much.

In short, the feelings are not unreasonable but the behaviour you have demonstrated towards your husband is probably unreasonable. You can enjoy the wedding anyway even if he is hating it.

@bingbongnoise

I can safely say I read the thread thoroughly. I happened to think many posters were missing the point.

Please don't @ me again.

Some people are missing the point, for sure