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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU. I already know what y'all will say but i need an opinion

98 replies

Vacanzaromane · 23/07/2019 13:02

So my partner has a 16 yr teen from a previous marriage living with him. A year ago i bought him ( partner) an guitar for his birthday as he always "dreamed of learning to play it". Long story short, guitar sits in a corner of the lounge, i think he touched it twice, his son (living with him for just under a year) likes to "play " with it and im taken aback by this but ive said nothing. About 2 months ago i saw it wasn't in his usual place but hidden away in a different corner. Upon closer inspection i noted 2 strings had come off. I asked him and he says his son "put it down" and it just came offAngry. 1st, AIBU to be pissed off, and 2nd part of me wants to take it, fix it and learn to play it myself!

OP posts:
Original poster
Vacanzaromane · 23/07/2019 13:04

Ok as for the latter, i won't really take it back. It was a gift. But i fantasize about it. LOL. And correction, its 3 months that its just sitting there. What do y'all think

OP posts:
TheQueef · 23/07/2019 13:05

Yabu sometimes gifts are a bit of miss.
It's not like he's smashing the thing up, strings break.

HennyPennyHorror · 23/07/2019 13:05

Oh God I think you need to unclench! There's nothing wrong with your partner's son having a go of his guitar if your partner doesn't mind! It's not YOUR guitar any longer OP. You gave it to your partner!

And strings "come off" or break on guitars all the bloody time!

If you want to play it, why don't you ffs?

wineandroses1 · 23/07/2019 13:07

I might feel a bit disgruntled, but it is his to do with as he wishes.

Bluntness100 · 23/07/2019 13:08

I think you're being a bit controlling here. It was a gift. Up to him what to do with it. Stop searching it out and being weird about it.

Thehop · 23/07/2019 13:09

YABU

Digitalash · 23/07/2019 13:10

YABU guitar strings break and if a guitar is sitting in a corner unused it's much nicer that it gets used than does nothing. Are you honestly saying you would rather the guitar got left alone rather than someone getting some enjoyment out if it? Bonkers.

Thehop · 23/07/2019 13:10

Also, unless you’re American, YANU to say y’all

Thehop · 23/07/2019 13:10

Apologies YABU to say y’all

CSIblonde · 23/07/2019 13:10

It's his now, so he can do or not do with it what he likes. Doesn't sound like he's interested in learning after all.

Merryoldgoat · 23/07/2019 13:10

It’s not yours. It’s his. He can do whatever he likes with it now.

I’ve always wanted to learn to paint. If someone bought me a set of paints and canvas it would collect dust. A ‘dream’ isn’t always there to be fulfilled.

pooopypants · 23/07/2019 13:12

YABU. It's a gift. If he doesn't have the drive to learn, leave him be

And YABU for using the word "ya'll"

HTH

5foot5 · 23/07/2019 13:14

Well if your partner is not playing it it is better that his son is and someone is getting use out of it.

I don't know how easy it is to replace strings on guitars, not difficult I suspect but then it would presumably need tuning again. Perhaps get it fixed and then say a cheery "Here you are it's fixed again" to the son so he knows he is OK to carry on using it. Maybe suggest he learns how to replace the strings himself for next time.

CarrieBlu · 23/07/2019 13:14

Bloody hell OP, you sound like hard work. Guitar strings break all the time. And allowing children access to instruments whilst they’re young is a wonderful thing and can lead to some brilliant musicianship as they get older and learn more. I find it odd that you would begrudge a child a chance to experiment with an instrument.
In terms of your DP, perhaps he has just found it harder/more time consuming than he expected.

munemema · 23/07/2019 13:15

When a guitar is used strings break, it's a shame the DS did;t feel able to tell someone and get it fixed if he's been enjoying using it with his father's permission.

If you want to use it, why on earth wouldn't you suggest that you get it fixed so you can use it?

VickyEadie · 23/07/2019 13:15

I can't count the stuff I've bought my partner (and she has bought me) that was nice in theory, but ended up not really being touched/used.

It's what happens.

ChicCroissant · 23/07/2019 13:16
Hmm

YABU. Do you always like to retain control of gifts after you hand them over to the recipient?

Beldon · 23/07/2019 13:17

I have quite a few brilliant presents that my lovely partner bought me because I ‘always wanted one’ or wanted to take it up as a hobby. Hardly touched but still on the plan of things to get round to Grin, still love them though and he wouldn’t take them back through lack of use. He also wouldn’t be upset if one of his step children used it with my approval.

Zippyx · 23/07/2019 13:18

YABU.

Strings come off guitars instruments all the time.

If your DSD likes to play it, have it fixed for him to play. Might cause you to lighten up a bit. 🙄

Travis1 · 23/07/2019 13:19

YABU, I've also bought the guitar because 'he really wanted to learn to play' got an autotunner, books, pics etc etc and can he play it? Can he fuck! That thing has moved house with us 5! times. But it was a gift and it's down to him to use it as he pleases.

Ninkaninus · 23/07/2019 13:21

Uhm what? Do you understand how guitars work? Strings do break...

Also it’s not really anything to do with you how your partner chooses to use (or not use) your present. A lot of people think they want to learn how to play an instrument (or whatever) but they don’t really, and just having the instrument is enough for them. I don’t see why you feel the need to police his use of his own property.

Elliebellbell · 23/07/2019 13:21

He clearly has no interest in the guitar, at least it's getting some use from his ds.

Strings break frequently. He'll have absolutely no idea how to restring or retune it so it'll probably gather dust until someone fixes it.

YABU.

Ninkaninus · 23/07/2019 13:23

And your resentment of his son’s use of it is just weird and unreasonable. You’d really rather it just sits there than be happy that he (someone your partner loves and cares about) has a go and gets some enjoyment from it?

Juells · 23/07/2019 13:26

Buy the poor teenager a new set of strings, he's probably mortified and doesn't know that strings break all the time. My children grew up in a house with musical instruments, any of which they could plink and plonk on since being toddlers. Instruments are for playing.

Whatisthisfuckery · 23/07/2019 13:33

Guitar strings break OP, it’s not unusual. You just need to buy more strings. A packet of strings don’t cost a lot. You need to know what gage they are. If electric I’d go for 9s if replacing just the missing strings, as most electrics come with 9s. If replacing the lot then go for 10s as they tend not to break so easily and sound better imo. If acoustic then 12s either way.

I’d just leave the guitar to the person who likes playing it. It’s nice that they do. If you want to learn then go ahead. I wish I had a quid for everyone I’ve ever met with a dusty unused guitar sitting around the place. It’s a hard instrument to learn, nowhere as easy as people think, so people buy them, then realize that, ‘oh my god it’s hard,’ and quit.