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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU. I already know what y'all will say but i need an opinion

98 replies

Vacanzaromane · 23/07/2019 13:02

So my partner has a 16 yr teen from a previous marriage living with him. A year ago i bought him ( partner) an guitar for his birthday as he always "dreamed of learning to play it". Long story short, guitar sits in a corner of the lounge, i think he touched it twice, his son (living with him for just under a year) likes to "play " with it and im taken aback by this but ive said nothing. About 2 months ago i saw it wasn't in his usual place but hidden away in a different corner. Upon closer inspection i noted 2 strings had come off. I asked him and he says his son "put it down" and it just came offAngry. 1st, AIBU to be pissed off, and 2nd part of me wants to take it, fix it and learn to play it myself!

OP posts:
brassbrass · 23/07/2019 13:33

Do none of you know how to play? How did you think your partner would learn?

Guitar strings break all the time plus they come in different guages so you can change them. I always include them in my DS's sticking at Christmas so he has spares when he needs them.

notmuchmoretogive · 23/07/2019 13:33

I would be delighted that his son is interested and might get him a couple of lessons for his birthday.

brassbrass · 23/07/2019 13:34

Stocking Hmm

Hidingwhoiam · 23/07/2019 13:37

Strings on a guitar can snap and twang for absolutely no reason.

Yabu. He owns that item and can do what he wants with it

MitziK · 23/07/2019 13:40

Strings do break - but they don't just fall off without somebody making a point of fiddling with the machine heads first. In my last job, it seemed to be that their first instinct when being given a perfectly in tune guitar was to instantly do what they could to disassemble the blasted things. When they weren't compulsively snapping or picking at brand new headphones, so by the time you'd handed out two more sets, the first was in pieces and they were claiming 'it fell apart, I never touched it, I didn't do nuffink'.

I'd ask the kid if he's interested in learning to play it and provide him with information on how to do it.

And get your own guitar + lessons.

SnotandBothered · 23/07/2019 13:41

My DH bought me some retro roller skates because I mentioned that I quite fancied skating again.

Five years ago

Never worn. Never skated.

DD now uses them. It's literally a non-issue. As in nobody has given it one-brain-cell of thought that the non-recipient is enjoying the gift.

BishopofBathandWells · 23/07/2019 13:42

Two things strike me here. I understand it's annoying to buy something that you think is meaningful only for it to be passed to someone else/ignored. My DP does it all the time and it is upsetting on occasion depending on the amount of effort I've put into it. But more often than not, it's nice to see it put to some good use rather than simply taking up space.

The second thing is - does it bother you that someone else is playing it, or more specifically does it bother you that it's his son?

Bookworm4 · 23/07/2019 13:43

YABU saying y’all and an guitar
Seriously get a grip, better someone’s using it than gathering dust.

tenbob · 23/07/2019 13:44

We have a no clutter rule in our house which means if something is untouched for 6 months, it goes on eBay.

Your DP clearly doesn't have much interest in learning to play, so why don't you either see if he will sell it and use the money for something he does way, or see if his son wants to learn to play properly - with lessons (even youtube tutorials if he doesn't want to pay for proper lessons)

Pinktinker · 23/07/2019 13:44

YABU. Guitar strings are easily broken, especially if you don’t know how to play one. Your DP could easily have broken the strings too. Sometimes gifts can miss the mark and go unused, it happens.

TheInvestigator · 23/07/2019 13:44

What do you mean by "take it and have it fixed". It's not broken. Guitar strings break!!! Especially when being played by someone who is just learning or having a shot.

You got your partner a gift. He doesn't want to play it. It sits in his house. The son wants to play it; if I were you, I would be encouraging that. Look into lessons or something. I wouldn't be seething over it and inspecting it and moaning when a string or 2 break. Grow up a bit.

KurriKurri · 23/07/2019 13:53

You don;t need to get it fixed - any one who plays guitar changes the strings themselves - they often break and some people just replace the whole lot regularly anyway.

People often say they dream of 'playing an instrument' but then realise you can't just pick it up and play it - you have to learn and practice. clearly your partner didn't really want to learn (so you aren;t unreasonable to be irritated that he said he did and hasn;t bothered with your gift). But ultimately it is his guitar and if his son is showing an interest - surely that is better than it sitting unused.
If you want to learn as well, then ask your DP if you can borrow it and get some lessons.

Toooldtocareanymore · 23/07/2019 13:54

if your partner had said his dream was to do a parachute jump would you have bought him a parachute? so you messed up, he said his dream was to learn guitar so you should have got him lessons, not a guitar he cant play, and clearly he isn't going to put effort into it to learn but his kid might so I think yes your are BVU to want it to sit there unused, so you should borrow another guitar for yourself and sign yourself and the kid up to do some lessons, the teacher will teach you both how to restring and tune a guitar

OrangeCinnamon · 23/07/2019 13:54

I think you need to get a Ukulele it is rather a happy little instrument and can improve your mood greatly...

saraclara · 23/07/2019 13:54

It's always a bit disappointing when a gift doesn't quite hit the mark, or the recipient loses interest. I'd be pleased it was being used, though.

And either the strings snapped (they do perish when they're not used much) or he tried to tune them and turned the pegs too far, releasing the end. Either way, it's nothing.

StroppyWoman · 23/07/2019 13:56

I don't think you understand how guitars work. It's not broken. 2 strings snapped - that happens al the time. Buy a few replacement packs to have on hand and tell your DSS to use them as needed.

YABVU to be "taken aback" that a 16yo picked up an unused guitar and played it. That's a good thing, fgs, not a liberty. It's his house, his Dad isn't playing it and it's great that it's getting some use.

TanMateix · 23/07/2019 13:58

I would acknowledge teen’s interest to learn to play and get him a book to get started and an app to tune the guitar without breaking the strings. You will get brownie points for that and can go into history as the friend of my dad who introduced me to music.

Honestly, most guitars end up that way, most people loose interest in them as soon as they realise it is not as straightforward as they think.

MagneticSingularity · 23/07/2019 13:59

16 yr old interested in “playing” with a guitar (that is not yours because you gave it to your DP) and is otherwise sitting there doing nothing and you’re taken aback? At least the kid is interested in it, seems to me like, if you don’t want your gift to be wasted, you should be encouraging the teen to take lessons.

BogglesGoggles · 23/07/2019 14:01

It’s not broken though. I don’t even play string instruments and I know they snap sometimes and need regular replacing. Similar to reeds fit wood instruments (don’t play those either). I’m shock that anyone could go as far as to buy a guitar and not know this.

Mouldiwarp1 · 23/07/2019 14:02

I’d suggest he got his son guitar lessons if he’s interested.

haloumi · 23/07/2019 14:04

Y'ALL? What?

YABU. …. Gifts are Gifts.... you cannot then monitor their use once given...…

ladylunchalot · 23/07/2019 14:04

Best it gets played rather than sitting in a corner gathering dust. Strings do break and need replaced, like most instruments.

Why not organise some lessons for your partner and son? Poor neglected guitar, it needs love!!!

Rachelover40 · 23/07/2019 14:05

Guitar strings break all the time, sometimes even in the middle of a concert! Not a big deal and they aren't expensive, most guitarists have spares.

It's great that your partner's son is making use of the instrument, for goodness sakes don't grudge him that.

DishingOutDone · 23/07/2019 14:07

What are you annoyed about? You start your post about a 16 year old - are you annoyed he exists? Are you annoyed your partner never touches guitar? Are you annoyed the boy touched it?

I'd say YABVU - apart from if you are just peeved that partner isn't bothered. Could you ask him about it?

PetrolBastard · 23/07/2019 14:08

It's very easy to break guitar strings if you aren't sure what you are doing.

Playing the guitar is a lot of work. But someone wants to play this guitar, even if not the person it was intended for. That's great! Order a new set of strings online and forget about it.

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