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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she can seduce him?

89 replies

Ghok · 23/07/2019 09:39

My best friend isn’t on MN but she asked me to ask your advice please.

She’s very attracted to a man who she’s beginning to suspect is a narcissist. They have been flirting for a year but nothing has actually happened. She wants to seduce him and hopes he will fall in love with her.

I don’t know a huge amount about narcissists. I have Googled it and suggested that she needs to appeal to his ego.

She cannot be persuaded to walk away from him. She wants him.

Please can you give me some advice to show my friend how she can woo and seduce this man? Thanks.

P.S. the reason she thinks he might be a narcissist is because he likes to be in control, his word appears to be final a lot of the time, he’s always the one to dictate how and when they meet, she suspects he’s insecure inside and he seems quite low on empathy.

OP posts:
bumpertobumper · 23/07/2019 09:42

Why would you want to help your friend go down a self destructive path?

Generally the best thing to do when you recognise someone has narcissistic traits is to not get into relationship with them... doubt anyone on here will be giving any top tips...

NeverGotMyPuppy · 23/07/2019 09:47

Maybe go out with just a trench coat on?

If he is a narcissist then bowing down, calling him god etc should do the trick.

Or back in the real world - run. Fast. Obviously.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 23/07/2019 09:47

Errr... this man hasn’t made a move beyond some flirting (which may well be in the eye of the beholder), and you... sorry, your friend, want advice on seduction techniques. I’m not sure your diagnosis of narcissism is necessarily aimed at the right person

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 23/07/2019 09:49

If she wants to seduce someone like him then she needs to stop showing him she's interested. It will dent his ego and he will do the chasing.

I've done it a million times, and generally wish I hadn't bothered, relationships with someone like that are just a power struggle, and the sex is generally a let down too.

Snog · 23/07/2019 09:52

Being ina relationship with a narcissist is hugely self destructive - tell her to run like hell, she can definitely do better.

Parent999 · 23/07/2019 09:54

Just the other day I was thinking Id like to know what its like the be eaten by a shark.

If she cant be persuaded then here goes.
He needs to have a use for her ie. if shes educated or model pretty then he'll want to show her off to friends and family. If she has a practical use like a nice house or nice car then this might be it.

Paradoxically though, the same reason he'll want to be with her will be the same reason it eventually bruises his ego and will go about destroying her to make himself feel better. And it WILL be her fault.

If its been a year then she has nothing he wants...
She needs to show she is desirable to other men, he'll simply want to take her off the market.

This is no joke, it can take years to escape and repair the damage of a narcissist, you cant change them EVER and they dont think like normal people do.
What youre doing is going to stroke a lion hoping it wont eat you. Dont be childish, who the hell would willingly do such a thing?
There are lots of groups for narcissist victim survivors, go and have a look, you could lose everything.

user1483387154 · 23/07/2019 09:54

wtf! why would you help or encourage a relationshop with this man???

Merryoldgoat · 23/07/2019 09:57

I’d try to encourage her to seek professional help and refuse to assist her in ruining her life.

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 10:00

Gosh, I didn’t realise narcissists were so terrible. I thought it meant that he loved himself a bit too much. Not that he’s a psychopath! Ha!

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 23/07/2019 10:00

Why does she suspect he's a narcissist?

This term is bandied about a hell of a lot these days.

To "seduce" him? Probably do the things that appeal to most men in general. I doubt most people would need specific examples for that.

WhiteDust · 23/07/2019 10:03

She cannot be persuaded to walk away from him. She wants him

Who likes to be in control? 😳

As for the 'narcissist' - if he is one (look it up OP!) She should run a mile.

diddl · 23/07/2019 10:09

Is he married?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 23/07/2019 10:10

Dear god, are you both 12? Asking for a friend how to seduce someone?
Oh wait, it's the school holidays.

PetrichorRain · 23/07/2019 10:13

Why on earth does she want him to fall in love with her?! He sounds awful!

DoneLikeAKipper · 23/07/2019 10:13

If you’re ‘friend’ doesn’t have the brains to open her own MN account and ask this question herself, then I’m not sure she really has the smarts to seduce him. Unless he likes them a bit on the dim side, in case she may be well in there without having to do anything.

Jayaywhynot · 23/07/2019 10:14

Get naked, that should do it, works for me! SERIOUSLY, she should run! Nowt but heartbreak awaits

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 10:18

He needs to have a use for her
She’s pretty, very clever, a really sweet kind person, very maternal in her approach, would help anyone. She’s financially comfortable. We used to work together and she got a lot of attention from the men at work but is the kind of person who’s too modest to notice.

OP posts:
Tableclothing · 23/07/2019 10:18

Your friend should get counselling to try to work out why she is so interested in a man who sounds so awful.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/07/2019 10:18

A Controlling narcissist? What a catch Grin

LaMarschallin · 23/07/2019 10:18

Oh wait, it's the school holidays.

That was my thought exactly.

OP's first post (ie first post on MN) looked a bit like "Let's try to get examples of sexy behaviour".

Hidingwhoiam · 23/07/2019 10:18

Stop throwing around words, if you dont know what they mean.

Neither you or her (if she exisits) have even bother to google the term you are labelling him as.

And honestly, the way she has decided she will get him, when he clearly isnt interested in anything more than a bit of flirting or more worrying that him loving himself.

Are you both in your teens?

No one would knowingly go after a narcissist. Maybe stop using diagnosis labels on people if you dont know what they mean

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 10:18

I think she’s just hugely attracted to him. She says they have loads in common, great chemistry, etc.

OP posts:
Hidingwhoiam · 23/07/2019 10:19

She’s pretty, very clever, a really sweet kind person, very maternal in her approach, would help anyone. She’s financially comfortable. We used to work together and she got a lot of attention from the men at work but is the kind of person who’s too modest to notice

If he was a narcissist, he would have already have snapped her up.

She is a time filler for him.

Wer2Next · 23/07/2019 10:20

OP I don't think you realise being a narcissist is NOT a good thing.

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 10:20

I did Google it after she had said it. I said that upthread.

OP posts: