To think she can seduce him?

[Ghok]

My best friend isn’t on MN but she asked me to ask your advice please.

She’s very attracted to a man who she’s beginning to suspect is a narcissist. They have been flirting for a year but nothing has actually happened. She wants to seduce him and hopes he will fall in love with her.

I don’t know a huge amount about narcissists. I have Googled it and suggested that she needs to appeal to his ego.

She cannot be persuaded to walk away from him. She wants him.

Please can you give me some advice to show my friend how she can woo and seduce this man? Thanks.

P.S. the reason she thinks he might be a narcissist is because he likes to be in control, his word appears to be final a lot of the time, he’s always the one to dictate how and when they meet, she suspects he’s insecure inside and he seems quite low on empathy.

There is a poster that pop ups every so often for seduction techniques.

One was really creepy with her trying to plan it so she go out drinking with him and get him drunk to achieve it.

Creepy as fuck behaviour from men and/or women.

In fairness to OP, a narcissist IS just someone who fancies himself, after the Narcissus of Greek myth.

Psychobabble definitions are recent and not necessarily how ordinary people would use the word.

She’s financially comfortable.

Gets a lot of pocket money, does she? Maybe she can let him know by treating him to an extra Capri Sun at lunchtime? If he pulls her pigtails in response, she’ll know her bad boy is into her!

I did Google it after she had said it. I said that upthread

If you googled it, and actually read it you would have seen right at the top that it's labelled a personailty disorder

Enclume it was in the 60s that NPD became the term. Narcissistic personality disorder.

Yes... but the meaning has been around for 2500 years.

If you genuinely want to help an actual friend get into a relationship with an actual narcissist you either don't understand what a narcissist is, or you're a spectacularly terrible friend.

I've spent years helping friends get out of relationships with narcs. I'd never knowingly in a million years help anybody to get into one!

I think she’s just hugely attracted to him. She says they have loads in common, great chemistry, etc

But maybe he isn't attracted to her? He's allowed not to be, you know.

Yes... but the meaning has been around for 2500 years.

Ah so you think the friend was using the far lesser original meaning. Rather than the meaning that been around for over 50 years?

She also googled it and didnt realise what it was.

Maybe you need to read up on the myth or Naccisius. That myth isnt just about liking how he looks and loving himself.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissus_(mythology)

I am cringing real hard at the term 'she wants to seduce this man.'

In fact, the whole tone of the OP, and the thread is a bit cringe!

There seem to be a few threads running alone a similar theme this week.

running ALONG a similar theme (not alone!)

Dear Mumsnet
Please may we have a 'School Holidays' section for people like this OP and his/her 'friend'? I'm sure it will provide lots of entertainment all round.
TYIA
Brogal

If there's any hint that he's a narcissist, the only reasonable thing you can do is tell her to run as far away from him as she can. Narcissists are initially very charming and charismatic but ultimately, they are horribly abusive and destructive. She will lose everything she has if he really is a narcissist, and she has a relationship with him.

So you can join MN to make your first post ever, but your friend can't?

Oh great, I love a bit of MH Armchair Diagnosis Bingo on Mumsnet.

In fairness to OP, a narcissist IS just someone who fancies himself, after the Narcissus of Greek myth.

Psychobabble definitions are recent and not necessarily how ordinary people would use the word.

True. I'm very familiar with the myth and know that being a narcissist (which I might use, rightly or wrongly, for somebody posting heavily made up, duck-lipped photos on Instagram) is very different from narcissistic personality disorder.

No doubt OP knew that too.

If not, they might use their school holidays time more productively learning a little about Greek mythology.

Just asking for a friend; honestly🤭

Are you actually an idiot?

For one thing, you’re armchair diagnosing someone which is bullshit.

For another, even if you happen to be correct in your armchair diagnosis, why would you actively help and encourage your friend to seduce someone who you know will almost inevitably hurt her?

Unless you’re 12 and off your tits on tween angst because you’ve just read Twilight for the first time, there’s no excuse for this post.

No doubt OP knew that too

Except if you google narsscist, NPD come up.

OP claimed to have googled it but also says she says she had no clue it was bad, until this thread, just though it meant he loved himself.

Doesnt add up.

So basically OP, there is some guy you are fixated with (maybe in a more senior position to you at work, or something along those lines) and because he hasn’t asked you to date him, you have decided this is because he’s “narcissistic?” Would this be a fair estimate?

As for “seducing” him, well I don’t know what to say really. If you embark on some self-conscious “seduction” schedule, you will almost certainly come across as unhinged..

Look, just be yourself. If he likes you, he’ll make it clear. If not, there’s not much you can do about it. Don’t chase this man or try odd strategies to get him to notice you, “narcissist” or not. And stop trying to psycho-analyse him - “insecure inside” indeed. Stop projecting. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you’ll only make a fool of yourself If you carry in like this.

He probably isn't a Narcissist ,most people arnt ,it's overused on here to generally describe people the Op doesn't like , usually ex ,s and Mil,s

Are you trying to say, that there are women out there,who don't have the ability to seduce a man,whatever he is like.Whatever is the world coming to.!

"he likes to be in control"
"his word appears to be final a lot of the time,"
"he’s always the one to dictate how and when they meet"

wow WHAT A CATCH!!!
She can definitely change this bad boy and make him a nice person... definitely she should go for it....

sounds like a controlling manipulative arsehole to me....

she should steer clear!

Yes sorry I was basing my knowledge of narcissism on the myth of Echo and Narcissis!! Sorry. I have read about it now and see that it’s a lot worse than that.