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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she can seduce him?

89 replies

Ghok · 23/07/2019 09:39

My best friend isn’t on MN but she asked me to ask your advice please.

She’s very attracted to a man who she’s beginning to suspect is a narcissist. They have been flirting for a year but nothing has actually happened. She wants to seduce him and hopes he will fall in love with her.

I don’t know a huge amount about narcissists. I have Googled it and suggested that she needs to appeal to his ego.

She cannot be persuaded to walk away from him. She wants him.

Please can you give me some advice to show my friend how she can woo and seduce this man? Thanks.

P.S. the reason she thinks he might be a narcissist is because he likes to be in control, his word appears to be final a lot of the time, he’s always the one to dictate how and when they meet, she suspects he’s insecure inside and he seems quite low on empathy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 11:14

Narcissus

OP posts:
WoofWoofMooWoof · 23/07/2019 11:15

If he is a narcissist then bowing down, calling him god etc should do the trick.

Or back in the real world - run. Fast. Obviously.

^ This with bells and whistles.

Seriously OP - he might just be an assholic control freak, or a proper narc - either way, your friend should run for her life.

My narc ex totally destroyed me - so much so that even 7 years after leaving him, I'm still feeling the effects. It's not worth it.

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 11:16

I didn’t join MN for this. I name changed as I do periodically

OP posts:
pooopypants · 23/07/2019 11:18

You're not being a good friend if your post is genuine and you actually want to help your friend to seduce a narcissist.

Tell her to run and that you won't help. She'll thank you, eventually.

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 11:20

Thanks everyone. You’re right. I have read about it properly and will discourage my friend.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 23/07/2019 11:21

A genuine narcissist is to be avoided. My mother is a textbook narc and she's not somebody I choose to be around if I can help it.

LaMarschallin · 23/07/2019 11:22

I didn’t join MN for this. I name changed as I do periodically

If that really is the case, then why wouldn't you have known the term "narcissist" the way it's used here?

If you Google it, as you said you did, you'll find it's definitely not the Greek myth that comes up first.

I'll bow out now. I don't want to troll hunt and it seems harsh to report since I suspect you're just a bit bored during the holidays.

If it's all real, do tell your friend all the advice.

Blueoasis · 23/07/2019 11:25

You think your friend is very clever, and yet she is determined to get a man she believes is a narcissist? She sounds very stupid to me. I think your opinion on what clever is needs re-evaulated.

Tell her to avoid him like the plague. Narcissists don't care about anyone except themselves.

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 11:26

I tend to spend most of my time on the Style and Infertility boards. Apologies for not being up to date on the narcissist threads. I am aware now.

OP posts:
Hidingwhoiam · 23/07/2019 11:26

00100001

Or maybe she just doesnt like that he isnt dancing to her tune and she believes that's him wanting control

Maybe he just makes up his mind and sticks to it

And maybe he just tells her when he free.

The ops 'friend'is the one that is determined to seduce him without really giving a shit about wether he actually wants her.

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/07/2019 11:27

If he really is a narc or has narc traits she should run very fast in the opposite direction.

PookieDo · 23/07/2019 11:27

Well from experience you rarely have good chemistry in bed with these types because it’s not very intimate. Either they are technically very good but kind of absent with no eye contact or intimacy or they are just down right bad and have no clue what to do with you and are only into their own pleasure

She’s just lusting after him tell her to keep it as a fantasy, it rarely lives up in real life!

Elliebellbell · 23/07/2019 11:35

Who the hell says "seduce" these days?

Greeve · 23/07/2019 11:41

She seems like the narcissist to me

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 11:41

Either they are technically very good but kind of absent with no eye contact or intimacy or they are just down right bad and have no clue what to do with you and are only into their own pleasure
I can imagine.

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 23/07/2019 11:42

If you want to lose your friend as she is, then tell her to go ahead. If shes the nice caring type, then shell spend her time trying to 'fix' herself to make him happy once he starts picking holes in her when she loses the lustre of being a shiny new toy and getting what he wants from her requires the erosion of her confidence so she doesnt see him for the bellend that he is.

Then you will try to put her back together after it all falls apart, but she wont ever really be the same person.

However, as PPs have said- its been a year, if he is a narcissist, then she has nothing that he wants. She should avoid him like the clap, and work on trying to figure out why shes so determined for this to be a relationship.

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 11:42

Greeve she’s really not. She’s one of the nicest people I have ever met. I just want to help her but not if it’s a bad idea overall.

OP posts:
15YemenRoad · 23/07/2019 11:53

Has she done the most obvious thing and just asked him out on a date? Instead of being immature and playing games, surely that is just common sense?

If he is interested he will say yes and if he is not then she needs to accept his refusal and not consider it a challenge. This man is not an object to obtain, he is a person.

As for calling him a narcissist this is thrown around so easy on MN that almost anyone who has a shitty relationship with another it's because they're apparently a narcissist.

Instead of diagnosing him, either ask him out and express an interest or leave him be.

This entire post is cringe and I would be so embarrassed if a friend asked me on tips to seduce a man that may not be interested in her Hmm.

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 11:55

She hasn’t asked him out herself because she’s too shy to. But it sounds like from what you’re all saying that that’s not a bad thing!!

OP posts:
WoofWoofMooWoof · 23/07/2019 12:02

OP - narcs and control freaks often go for the 'nice, kind, sweet' type of woman, as they're more trusting and easier to control.

Madeleine41 · 23/07/2019 12:07

Just wondering when the deletion message will appear.

CSIblonde · 23/07/2019 12:12

Rampant narcissist or not, any guy whose flirted for a year & not gone further isn't interested (I asked a few platonic male friends). And, having dated a few narcissists, you friend would end up with no self esteem, be treated horribly, then be cast aside for the next, 'toy' they use as support act to their selfish I'm the main event life. She should run. Fast.

Goforitgirl · 23/07/2019 12:14

Christ almighty tell her to run run as fast as she can!!

I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 4 years and it nearly killed me! Seriously.

Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 12:14

Madeleine41 what is your issue with my post?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ghok · 23/07/2019 12:14

any guy whose flirted for a year & not gone further isn't interested
Yes I suspect that’s true.

OP posts: