To not want to contribute to honeymoon fund

[toooldforthisshite]

Friend is getting married for the second time for both of them. They both earn good money but spend over their means (she tells me so and will quite happily admit to maxing several credit cards to pay for £1000+ on a gift, holidays aboard etc expensive trips) they seem to want to out do each other in the elaborate gift giving for birthdays etc.
They have asked for money for their honeymoon. I don't generally agree with people doing this anyway but in this instance it's really bugging me and I don't want to fund their honeymoon when they could budget for that themselves (they are going away a week or so after the wedding to Europe as part of one of these elaborate birthday gifts but they don't want this to be a honeymoon as it's not enough apparently)
I do however want to get them a gift. I'm not sure what though.

@LottieLucie

Saying that people who request a donation to their honeymoon are greedy entitled arseholes and that anyone who gives money gladly is a fool easily parted from their money certainly suggests a level of anger to me.

I struggle to see how you would be able to be joyful at the wedding of a greedy entitled arsehole.

Also, if we’re going off on an ‘Easter gifts’ tangent, somebody should tell Hotel Chocolat, Thornton’s, M&S etc. that Easter is not a gift giving occasion!

The point, of course, is that you can always define a gift without asking for a cash alternative.

I could understand your point if you turned up with a photo frame and someone said "no thanks, can you take it back and send me the cash?"

If it's a simple indication of preference before the gift is even bought though it's not really the same!

When my friend got married over 20 years ago, they both had homes full of 'stuff' so didn't need any more and explained this to their guests, but said they understood some people might like to give a gift, if so could they please choose something with thought to how they might treasure said item and remember the giver.
He favourite is a little silver cream jug that was from a friend of her mother's (her mum had died just before the wedding, sadly, she was lovely). Her mother had used this actual cream jug during the war as she'd been evacuated to stay at this friend's house.

I too am not so keen on gifting money but realise that often it is the best thing - there's only so many toasters you can use at any one time!
I'd buy a guide book to said honeymoon destination and put some local currency inside. At least it will at least partially get used for required purpose.

@Iamthewombat so what's tacky about asking for money? My fiancé and I live together already and have what we need for the house. We do not want, or have the space for well meaning gifts so the obvious thing to do is ask for something towards the honeymoon. We are saving like crazy for the wedding but the honeymoon is out of our reach at the moment.

It just seems that you and the OP are entitled snobs who think that you control other people's big day.

I'd buy a guide book to said honeymoon destination and put some local currency inside. At least it will at least partially get used for required purpose.

That's a lovely idea!

Tacky doesn't really mean anything beyond 'I don't approve of it'.

That is funny. Entitled snob. I suppose you’re busy crafting your poem, are you?

I suppose you’re busy crafting your poem, are you?

This is a shitty put down. Its perfectly possible to request politely without writing a poem. I've never seen a poem in my life and wouldn't have heard of them if I wasn't on MN.

Iamthewombat
Asking for money is tacky, tacky, tacky. Yes, for some cultures is is traditional to give money. In Britain it is not.

Is being a judgemental and extremely parochial twat in the British tradition?

@Sunshinegirl82 I don't care if you struggle to see it, you're wrong. I'm not angry. I have an opinion, which you're not going to change.

I'm always joyful at my friends weddings. Not that it's anything to do with you

I truly think those people who are huffing and puffing about the increasing trend for money requests rather than getting your own gift are bothered about having to fork out the "approved" sum rather than getting away with re-gifting some crap.

It's much easier to bung a cheque/cash in a card rather than trawling round the shops looking for that elusive item that looks much more expensive than it actually is, or trying to smooth out the scuff marks on the cardboard box of a "put by" gift from five years ago. But it's definitely not cheaper* .

@LottieLucie I don't remember trying to change your opinion.

I don't think it's unreasonable to describe someone who calls people greedy entitled arseholes for something that is fairly innocuous as appearing angry.

I'm glad to hear you are joyful at weddings, weddings should be joyful, regardless of present requests!

If you want to, I think it's fine to give an item as a gift instead of cash even if they've specifically asked for cash.

In our wedding invite we emphasised that we were not expecting gifts from anyone but if anyone would like to give a small gift, cash towards our honeymoon would be very much appreciated (obviously worded in a slightly less blunt way! ) This was mainly because people were already asking what gift we'd like and weren't accepting "nothing" as an answer! I genuinely would have been happy with thoughtful cards but I think many people like bringing a gift, or at least feel strongly that it's the done thing anyway and so want to do it. To be honest there weren't that many actual items we could name that we wanted.

That said, we still had a number of people bring physical gifts, they were lovely and we were very grateful for them. Some were quirky and personal and some were funny joke gifts which were good fun.

So if you feel strongly just buy your friend a thoughtful present and bring it along, it's not a big deal and I'm sure she'll be happy either way.

In instances like this I always give a John Lewis gift voucher especially when they have specifically requested cash towards the honeymoon as I find this a safe inoffensive option cheeky fuckery in the highest form imo

I'd give them money as long as they didn't ask for it using a twee poem.

Times have changed, most couples getting married have already set up home together and don't need bed linen and dinner service.

I either give money or if nothing is asked for/ specified sometimes a nice voucher that can be used in a range of shops so they can get something they actually want or need.

Again, finding requests for money tacky does not equal jealous (of what? Are you 15?), resentful of ‘luxury dreams’, mean with money or ‘entitled’.

Asking for money on a wedding invitation because you have enough housewares is entitled. Expecting your wedding guests to pay for a honeymoon you can’t afford is entitled.

If people choose to give money, fine. If you tell them to give you money, you are tacky.

I always give a John Lewis gift voucher especially when they have specifically requested cash towards the honeymoon

I can’t fathom this.

How is a JL voucher any different than a honeymoon contribution?

Aside from that they actually want the latter?

Why wouldn’t you just give friends the present they want?

If people choose to give money, fine. If you tell them to give you money, you are tacky.

But you can’t articulate why, you’re just making the same point over and over.

YABU, presumably you were planning on giving them a gift so what's the problem on spending that money on what they want rather than what you want them to have? people are weird, you sound like you don't like your friend much tbh

If people choose to give money, fine. If you tell them to give you money, you are tacky.

But why? Just why? They've got enough household stuff so you think they don't deserve a gift.

It makes no difference if:-

1. We've spent all our money on a honeymoon and we're eating off paper plates and sitting in deckchairs, please fund our home contents

Or

1. We've furnished our home it's how we like it we don't want your vase as your taste is shit so we've no money for a honeymoon so please find that.

So why is it tacky @Iamthewombat?

In instances like this I always give a John Lewis gift voucher especially when they have specifically requested cash towards the honeymoon as I find this a safe inoffensive option cheeky fuckery in the highest form imo

More effort than money and very PA!

They'll spend it on groceries in Waitrose and use the cash saved towards their honeymoon.

Why why why is it absolutely fine to mark a wedding with a toaster/frame/pot, but if you don’t want/need those things then it’s not appropriate to get a present at all? I don’t get it.

@Iamthewombat. So if you already have everything you need and don't want people to waste their money on something you have no use for what the fuck do you suggest. Glad you aren't on my invite list.

So am I.