To have said she can’t stay!?

[DoNotWashThisBear]

I highly doubt I’m BU but

DP and I’s Friends (his first before I met him) who are a couple are leaving next month to live abroad for a year. A friend of DPs who lives in NI has asked to stay in our house for 4 days while she travels over for the couples going away party.

AIBU in saying absolutely not? I’ve only met her once and don’t want to play host all weekend after I’ve been in work. She wants to stay on some days DP and I will be working. I said I’d be okay with one night (even though I’d struggle, I have massive anxiety) but I’m absolutely not having someone I’ve met once stay sat - Tuesday.

AIBU? DP doesn’t seem angry but slightly annoyed.

Spots it's like inviting someone up for 'coffee' ie sex.

I wouldn't. Yanbu. One night maybe but 4 nights when you don't know her very well yourself is a bit much.
Yes it's DP's house too but I wouldn't just invite my friends over for a long weekend if DP didn't know the person well enough or feel comfortable, because it's his house too and he deserves to feel comfortable in his own home as I do.
There are hotels for this reason, if she can't afford it she can try and combine hotel stay with friends but she can't just invite herself over to one couples home because they happen to be the closest to the event. Especially if she hasn't bothered to stay in touch properly before this.

does your husband get a say too - or is it just you who calls the shot? Because really, it should be adjoins decision right?

You sound a bit curmudgeonly to me. Why wouldn't she stay with her mate from uni? You actually expect to be angry that she asked?

I'd be upset if I was your DP and you wouldn't allow me to have a friend to stay in our joint home for a few nights. I would feel like it wasn't really my home if I couldn't have people to stay

I can't see a problem with giving her a key and expecting your DH to do most of the cooking.

You keep saying they aren't close, but getting together every six months seems pretty close to me for people who went to uni together. I have high school friends I haven't seen in years who we are still thick as thieves when we get together.

One weekend isn't a huge deal, and it sounds like it might be good for you to learn to be more flexible.

does your husband get a say too - or is it just you who calls the shot? Because really, it should be adjoins decision right?

This. I'd be really pissed off if DM TOLD me that friends couldn't stay because he didn't want them there.

If he shares the work involved, he gets an equal say.

Fortunately, we both like having friends to stay. It’s lovely spending time with friends. The concept of “hosting” mystifies me.

Four days is practically a holiday! Yanbu.

One night fine. Two at a push. Not 4. That's family level or v close friends.

I'm baffled at people who think it's not a big deal.

What's wrong with using a hotel or Airbnb?! She isn't a close friend of your DH and you barely know her. She is a CF to ask for so many days!

I wouldn't like it but I'm anti social. Just explain that you both have work so it wouldnt work out. Offer 2 nights instead.

I think I'm the only person on Mumsnet who lines having houseguests, so I'd let her stay

“I think I'm the only person on Mumsnet who lines having houseguests, so I'd let her stay”
Me too. And even if I don’t, as the child of immigrants, I was brought up in a home with an open door policy, so my home is like that too.

I think 4 nights is quite a lot time to ask to stay, as it’s just for a party. Considering there are cheap flights to most parts of GB from NI.

Incidentally I agree with those who say it may be a cultural thing. I’m from NI and while I don’t particularly enjoy having house guests, I wouldn’t dream of refusing.

*long, not lot

Wouldn't bother me at all. You sound mean OP.

If she's not really a close friend, I wouldn't be happy to have her stay in the house while we were away. Of course, I'm not fond of houseguests, anyway, so...

I can't imagine asking someone who wasn't family or a very close friend to let me stay in their home. I'd rather pay for a hotel, tbh!

However, if they're actually fairly close (meeting up every six months sounds like a lot, under the circumstances), I'd probably relent. I'd hate it and count down the hours until she left, most likely, but I'd agree to it. Since it's his friend, your husband must agree to bear the brunt of the extra work (including as much as possible of the small talk or whatever it is that causes you the most anxiety).

I would let her stay and I don't think it's rude to ask or for 4 nights - maybe she can only afford those flights or its her only time away and she wants to see other people/sites.

Some of my friends I only see twice a year, it makes no difference as when we meet its like we've only seen each other last week. To me that's a sign of a good friendship.

The thing is OP - it's neither here nor there wether you know her - or how well you know her. It's your PARTNERS friend.
If my DH was dictating who of my uni friends could come and stay in OUR house and for how long without a good reason - (and no 'anxiety' that you don't know them doesn't count.. ) I would be handing him his arse on a plate. !

In fact last month I had a friend come and stay for 4 days - go off sightseeing and then return for another 3. Hadn't seen her for 22 years and DH didn't know her from Adam (or Eve) but you know what ? No one died. He wasn't particularly enthused but he has manners and grace enough to welcome people. Perhaps you should try it ?