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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to spend inherited money on a holiday

102 replies

LostMeerkats · 22/07/2019 18:06

Myself and my 2 siblings were raised by my grandparents. My granddad passed away over 10 years ago now. My Grandma passed away a few months ago having had dementia for the past few years. I look after of my two siblings who both have additional needs. My sister is in her 30's and lives in respite care during the week and stays with us Friday to Sunday and a few weeks during the holidays. My brother attends the local college and lives at home.

Recently we were contacted because my grandparents had some money in an account which we didn't now about. As per my grandparents will I inherited all of their assets including this money with the assumption that I will use some of it to support my siblings throughout their lives.

It's quite a lot of money for us and I wasn't sure what to do with it at first so I have split it 4 ways. So for example I have put 5 thousand each in the 2 accounts I already have for my siblings which will eventually be used to pay for their care if/when I can't afford to cover it.
I then put 5 thousand into my own savings which I try to only use in emergencies.

I now have a quarter left over which I want to use for a holiday. I have godparents who live 8 hour away on public transport. They have a holiday cottage which we can stay in for free. I just need to pay for travel and food and spending money and stuff while we are there for the 3 of us.

So my idea is that we will travel half way and then stay in a b&b for the night then travel the rest of the way to my godparents. Stay there for a week and then do the same thing travelling on the way back.

I have already asked my godparents and they are thrilled we are coming.

Last night my Grandmas sister came over to visit so I told her about my plans and she was horrified that I would be so selfish and use the money on a holiday when it should be put towards my sibling care needs.
She pointed out the the holiday was really just for me as they aren't my siblings godparents and my brother would probably rather stay at home and my sister will probably get fed up of the travelling and she really couldn't believe that I would go ahead with this holiday and that I would waste the money on this.

I tried to explain why I thought it was a good idea and that my siblings will probably enjoy it once they are there and that its good for them to do new things even if they have to go out of their comfort zone.

She was still upset with me and ended up leaving in tears saying that I was making a mistake and she thought that maybe my grandparents have trusted me with too much responsibility.

The more I think about the more I am beginning to think that maybe she is right and I am being selfish going on a holiday that is mostly just for me. I think I got caught up in the idea of finally having the money to treat ourselves and I didn't stop to think about the other stuff I could spend the money on.

But then every time I think of cancelling the holiday I just want to cry and I hate cancelling on my godparents who were so excited to see us and it just feels like I have let everyone down because I got over excited about the money.

OP posts:
Amicompletelyinsane · 23/07/2019 10:24

I've lost a large number of close relatives in the last two years. I'm now inheriting money that would have never passed to me if it wasn't for the deaths beforehand. My siblings and I have all changed our thoughts and now see that even though we could be really sensible, life is just too short! Take your siblings on the trip. Make some lovely memories. It's not like you are spending all the money. If anyone deserves a holiday I'd say its you

MsJaneAusten · 23/07/2019 10:29

How old are you OP? And how old is your brother? Do you have someone sensible in your life (not the great aunt) who can help you with big decisions in the future? Not because you’re not making good ones (you are) but so that you have a sounding board to support you. You sound incredible, but it must be exhausting. I also think you should use some of the ‘spare’ money for a weekend to yourself Flowers

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